Meltdowns

Wow, Thank you all - from feeling so alone to being able to read your stories and find that it is normal.  And yes I have heard this from everyone, as well as not to over think and not be too hard on myself.  Never really been one who has had the black dog around, but this is probably where I am at. 

I went to the beach today and enjoyed it, throwing myself in the ocean is my best therapy and especially when I take my dog. Somehow she knows when I am not alright.

I have been dragon boating with some very awesome people, and had a massive meltdown there - and not sure how to return.  I respect them and really need their support as most have been through or still going through this crazy adventure a second time.  I think I am more embarrassed about returning as don't want them judging me.  But that is probably all in my head.

And yes I have emailed the counsellor and have made a time to meet.  I could go back on medication to help, but think it is best I just work through this - otherwise it will still be there.  Think the biggest emotion is anger - anger at a lot of things, lack of support from my Mum, anger at my sister who was great during but not so now (and my cousin told me she didn't deal with me getting breast cancer - so maybe that is where her anger is coming from), anger at just being the 1 in 8, anger at my body not healing and recovering as fast as I would like it.

Wow when it is put down in writing - kind of makes sense.  So, maybe a week off paddling will be good, can go to Rotary and mix with others.  I am in two minds about paddling - being with like minded is good, but then there is that constant visual that it never really goes away. But overall it has been good.

You are all amazing, and I wish you well with your adventures. I am off to listen to some live music tonight, so that should help.