It's okay to be really sad

Thanks Hazel, it helps to have people who understand the difficult times xx

O Mel, that sucks to go through it all again, feeling your grief with you. Let us know how you go on Friday xx

Thanks Janine. After a day of soul searching I'm starting to wonder whether it takes more courage to dig in to my feelings than to bury them. I'm so tired of carrying that grief around. You are right, the layers of love help immensely xx

Tracey,

State of mind is paramount in your heailng! Ramble all you like! It does get tiresome, hearing the "keep positive" talk all the time...but like you said it's OK to be sad, to be angry, to withdraw a bit......Allow yourself to cry....REALLY cry, until you can't breathe cry...it took me a while to do that but once I did, what a weight off!

We are all to aware of how this experience effects everyone else and so, we push ur feelings to the bottom, for the sake of others feelings....for too long our feelings are left simmering....ready to explode at any time...and then when they do , most are shocked! I ended up telling everyone to stop! I wasn't going to pretend for the benefit of making them feel better about my cancer!

So you cry love, scream, yell, punch a pillow! You have been through hell and made it! I am so glad you have released your emotional pressure valve.....be kind to you....take care.....big cuddles

Xx

Tracy

Hi Melinda and Debza, it's hard when you've spent a lifetime being there for others and they think you are so strong, you don't need their support in times of trouble. Maybe there's something to be said for allowing ourself to be vulnerable in front of others? Thankful for a safe place to be honest about how I feel xx

Hi Kate, glad to hear you've finished treatment ?? I've been wondering how I might respond differently when someone says "be positive" :

  "actually I'm feeling really sad just now"

   'I'm really struggling emotionally & would appreciate a hug'

   "It's natural to be positive when life is going well, but I'm going through a tough time at the moment"

Maybe they don't want to hear that? I half suspect saying be positive is a way of distancing themself from our grief and the fear that one day they may be in our shoes. So I'm starting to limit who I trust with my story. Such a relief to find women here who understand, thank you xx

Thanks Jane, I didn't realise how much I was focused on the physical stuff and not dealing with emotional issues. I guess now that treatment has finished I have the space to sit back, breathe and respect my feelings. Maybe I can even work on letting go of the "I'm coping ok" face? Really appreciate your words of wisdom xx

Hi Rowdy, yeah I think I exchanged crying over the posts for crying over my patients. One day I was given a patient with end stage bc, my head was reeling thinking I don't need to see what it looks like to die from bc, but just as bad - how could my work colleagues be so unthinkingly cruel to give me this pt? I skipped Arimidex & went straight to Letrazole, the insomnia & aches make you feel like a 50yr old trapped inside 90yr old body. No wonder it takes time to recover xx

Debza,

I have to agree, when you are the one who is always strong, people don't tend to know what to do with you. Honestly, this 2nd time recurrence I had a few friends that were supportive. I also lost a few lifelong friends sadly as I got sick of being an after thought. I actually had not one person bring me a meal, which astounded me. People would offer to help, but unless I had someone who was willing to run my kids around, and come cook a meal, it was tough going. I was actually disappointed in alot of people and realised they just cant understand what youre going through. My Mum passed 7yrs ago and I have no sisters. Cant even really talk to anyone related or friends about this journey, they dont get it, and why would they? Thats why it helps with people traveling this same path. Its made me so incredibly mindful of anyone close to go through this, I know how I can help them. 

Melinda xo

Dear Tracey

Please do not think that you are rambling.  You must be exhausted working 12 hour shifts.  I admire you so for being able to do this.  Since my diagnosis 12 months ago my life has done a complete turn around.  I am very lucky that I have had paid sick leave all this time.  Many years of working for the government and not having any time off will do that.

I am  nearing the stage where I have to go back to work.  I am so dreading this.  Yes if another person says to me be positive I would truly like to give them a smack in the head (only joking but everyone here understands what I mean). 

I am on Letrozole and have monthly injections of Xvega.  I am up and down with my fatigue. 

Yes it is ok to be sad about what happened to you.  To all of us. 

Take care and be kind to yourself.

Love Sandra

xxx