Hi all, i haven't been on here for months. To be honest it got to the point that I would cry over every post I read. Which was strange because I never cried over my own bc diagnosis or treatment. I've always sucked at dealing with emotions, shove them down, keep busy, get on with life. So in the last few months I've been focusing on getting back to work, pushing myself physically to cope with being on my feet for 12hr shifts, helping my patients and their families deal with their grief and stress.... but ignoring my own. Today was the BCNA forum in Brisbane and the first guest speaker was a wonderful psychiatrist who spoke on emotional and mental well-being after a breast cancer diagnosis. I'm a Christian and fully trust God with the outcome of my bc, but I think today was the first time I heard someone say "it's okay to be really sad about what has happened to you". I'm SO SICK of being told 'just be positive', she said we should smack the people who say that to us, but only metaphorically, darn. Every time some one says that it invalidates the feelings of grief and loss and sadness and shock, that are perfectly healthy when confronted with bc. So today I'm feeling rather fragile and sooky, and that's ok. It's probably time I allowed myself to start that emotional journey to recovery. Thanks for listening to my ramblings, love, Tracey ??

Hi Tracey it is tough going back to work and caring for others. I'm a carer in the community and I really struggled going back to work. I also found on Tamoxifan my anxiety was really bad. I'm now on Arimidex and feel better except the the bone aches make me feel like a old woman. I remember people telling me how strong I was and it used to annoy me so much. One of sisters was really bad, in the end I told her to stop.. I'm 3 years next Feb and I still have bad days, I have friends telling me my body has been through alot and so has my mind. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal xx

Hi Tracey, we sometimes just need to hear the words that validate what we have been / are going through, so I'm glad the session you went to has helped. It's so true that it is OK to feel sad, we need to grieve and to process what has happened and although most if us put on the strong / coping / positive face there are times when we need to be allowed to just say "I feel sad" and for others to just hear us. Best wishes to you. Jane xx

Hi Tracey...I have been diagnosed with DCIS in January had my op in January and had my last radiation on the 7 April ... And right thru it all everyone that knew keep telling me to be positive and telling me I look good .... Even thou I felt sad lost angry and annoyed at people saying things like that and yes I knew they all meant well but it still made me upset and I just wanted to sock them one lol never did of course I just smiled and said tks but yes it gets on your nerves but even now I still get told to stay positive and I guess as my first year mammogram comes closer I will start to stress over it sorry this wasn't meant to go this way I was just going to agree with u but once I started it all came out stay safe and well kate??

Hi Tracey! Oh I couldnt agree more!!! I'd love to slap everyone that has ever said just be positive!!! it actually as ZERO to do with it. Whether you are naturally positive 24/7 or mildly indifferent, the point is we are all who we are, and how we deal with things in life and especially a crisis is completely individual to each of us. There is no right or wrong. The thing is it is so very true, we are allowed to feel every emotion possible because its real and its honest of what we are going through and it validates us, so its OK! You know my life so far is testament to what a strong resilient woman I have demonstrated to be and yet you hear people say 'be strong' Ummm as opposed to how the rest of my life wasn't? people are well meaning, but I find things like that actually belittle the depth of how you feel. So its OK to have a sad day! a mad day, whatever it is! believe it or not, its in validating all our emotions and letting them sit with us, it allows us then to move through them and out of them again, instead of pushing them aside and being brave or strong or positive! Hugs Melinda

Ohhh Im on Arimidex too and the body aches OMG! I too am like an old woman!! very disheartening, so I keep exercising and moving. Uuugh

It's okay to be really sad | BCNA Online Network

32 Replies

nikkid
Member
9 years ago
Hi Tracey and everyone - yes, this was the post I needed to read today. thank you.

I'm not sure I feel sad, but I certainly feel like this past 8 months has been surreal. I sometimes wonder if I am really dealing, deep down, with what has happened. I reel from anyone saying "you're lucky" or "you'll be fine" or "you're so strong". I am what I am. It is what it is. I've had amazing support from a group a beautiful friends and my gorgeous boys (hubby, and sons) but I have been terribly disappointed in one friend whom I thought was one of my closest buddies, who just hasn't been there, at all. I have tried to raise the issue with her, but to no avail.

Ive now decided it's time to refocus back on me......they say you shed friends every decade, so perhaps that was my turning-50 shedding!

Nikki x
SoldierCrab
Member
9 years ago
hi Tracey,

I have a Christian faith also but that didn't stop my struggling with the whole thing.... I look at it now as my faith is strong but my mind needs help to process the Journey this takes us all on without us asking to go on it. My faith in God had me firmly assured that He was with me, but my mind was really struggling with the whole thing.

I have ongoing health problems thanks to the side effects and my psychologist is great at talking me through the next stage of my health journey in general now that my BC is gone.

I highly recommend seeing one.

big hugs

Alice

PS if you are a member : Christians with Breast Cancer I began a monthly bible study and it has become more active so women with a faith are sharing their ups and downs and getting to share a study once per month... there is no pressure to talk or post but it is there if you want.
Kate001
Member
9 years ago
Here is your hug ?? Well I couldn't find a hug to send u but I'm sending you a virtual hug ..... I hope u are in better spirits today....some days it is hard when I feel myself going down I take myself out to the shops better than sitting home ....

All the very best Kate ??
Tracey62
Member
9 years ago
Hi Alice, a psychologist may be a good idea. I see my Onc next week so might ask for a referral, getting harder to find a reason to get out of bed. Never expected emotions to be such a struggle when faith is strong xx
SoldierCrab
Member
9 years ago
Tracey,

I agree wholeheartedly with all the replies....

When we get a diagnosis of Bc we lose a part of us.... be it a lumptecomy or mastectomy, double mastectomy then various treatments...

I heard at the orange bcna forum a similiar speech..

It put things in perspective for me... I've needed to see a psychologist to deal with my grief.

We grieve in different ways, our loss personal to each of us but similar in ways..... I'm nearly 4 yrs since diagnosis there are nights I still cry myself to sleep....frustration at side effects or my fatigue...

It's hard but we need to allow our emotions to heal from the onslaught this journey throws at each of us....

Big hugs and a shoulder to cry on when you want

Alice
Tracey62
Member
9 years ago
Hi Tracy, must admit I had a little chuckle - you with your expanders filled to bursting talking about being ready to explode. Glad your reco job is going well.

I had a pretty shitty childhood where I promised myself I would never cry, no matter how bad things were. Now I'm having to unlearn old habits. How I wish I could let it all go and just ball my eyes out..... well baby steps in the right direction ??

Hugs, Tracey
Tracey62
Member
9 years ago
Hi Sandra, I work for govt too and they've allowed me to return to work on a graduated program. I started doing 2 x 4hrs a week and built it up to full time over a few months. Thankfully working for govt my superannuation included income protection insurance that covered my time off and the gradual build up of work hours. They should be able to do this for you too. Even though I thought I was strong enough it's surprising how tiring a 4hr shift can be. Good luck with your work, let us know how you go xx
Tracey62
Member
9 years ago
hi Ann-Marie, that 1 year anniversary can be hard, no wonder you were feeling down. Yes, it helps to be real about how we feel. I hope the doc sorts out your tummy problems xx
Tracey62
Member
9 years ago
Hi Debza, brave is to get up and do what needs doing even if you feel afraid or overwhelmed, especially when life leads you to unexpected places. That's all of us on this site.

when I was on chemo I took magnesium for leg cramps and found it also helps with constipation when you take it in higher doses lol, the old fashioned Epsom salts were magnesium powder. Feel for you with the 4 attempts at an IV Debz. If you don't have family support around, let us be family for you xx
Tracey62
Member
9 years ago
Hi Christine, thanks for the hug. Like most women I have a habit of putting myself last and helping others first. Think I need to help myself & allow the emotions to catch up with my physical recovery. They warn you about fatigue but I wasn't prepared for the toll it would take. Jesus said come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest for your soul. I hope you find that rest xx

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