It's that old cliche ... It only happens to other people ... and although it's happened to me I keep hearing this voice telling me it's not really as bad as other women's cancers. I still have my breast, the surgeon removed the tumour and my lymph nodes were clear. So .... that's not bad! People are telling me how it is a small thing, not like their friend, relative, colleague, who went through so much more. My cancer is trivial in comparison. I'll be fine. Think positive. So why am I so self absorbed by the whole thing? I still have all that post surgery treatment to go through. I haven't seen my oncology team yet and it is the unknown I am most concerned about. Surgery was less than a week ago and I had the results less than 48 hours ago. I hope Ann, my breast care nurse calls today, as promised. I don't know what I am supposed to be feeling ... or writing in this blog.

Morning your writing the right thing how you are feeling. I felt the same way thinking this happens to someone else. You are at the start of something that is difficult to control. I remember a friend of mine that kept telling me it was nothing and I would be ok and telling me horror stories. When my treatment plan changed and I needed chemo and mastectomy she didn't know what to say any more and pulled back. Your cancer is not trivial it is happening to you and very real and the emotions are hard to control sometimes. Take it one day at a time and I hope your breast care nurse calls. Take care glad you have found the site

I'm in the same boat. I'm calling it my "lucky C". Early, hormone receptive by 80%, clear lymphs. Kept half of my breast and even have the freedom right now to opt-out of chemotherapy without my team having a problem with it. But cancer is still cancer. You get no guarantees. It can be "beaten" and come straight back, you can be done with it forever but live constantly worrying that will show up again. Fact is, it might not be "as bad" as other people's cancer, but your life is changed forever in a way that not everyone's is. It's all about perspective. Dude has an arm amputated and smiles through then his best mate crashes their cheap third hand car and falls into a depression. It's not about what actually happens, it's the impact on the individual. Emotions don't tend to negotiate with logic. And "it could be worse" according to the psychology community does more harm than good when things for the individual actually can get worse. It puts more emphasis on the how it might get worse stress. Cut it out. Give it the value it deserves. You're "self-absorbed about the whole thing" because it's actually happening to you and there is no reason to feel bad about that. You are entitled to feel.

Hi San-dee. I am sorry you find yourself here. It was such a shock to me when I was first diagnosed especially since I have no family history of any type of cancer which in my world happened to other people not me. I found it really hard at the beginning when I didn't know whether I would need chemo or radiation - the unknown was the worst. But after I got on my treatment path my emotions seem to settle down. I had breast conserving surgery, clear lymphs, chemo, am just starting radiation and have a year of targeted therapy. I have learnt to take it one day at a time which is just as well as I have had a lot of annoying little setbacks. I have good and bad days. Just take a deep breath and try and take things as they come. And don't forget to come on here if you have any questions. Wishing you all the best. P.S. I HATE it when people tell me to think positive. They only say this because they don't know what else to say. Before cancer I was a really positive person, but some days I think I have earned the right to be a little down, a little scared, a little angry, frustrated, cheesed off etc instead of Miss Sunshine all the time. Nadine

Hi Rowdy, Thanks for the comment. Still don't know how I am feeling, but I'm sure I'll get there in the end. Horror stories are coming my way as well and comments like "You'll be fine" and "Think positive thoughts" seem so glib. They really are starting to annoy me. It's nice to read what others here have to say, but sad there are so many. I appreciate your thoughts. All the best

Hi Inkpetal, Thanks for making me feel self absorption worthy! Hopefully as time goes on when all the oncology treatment is under way I and I am more familiar with this site I will be in a better frame of mind. Still toddling at the moment but really appreciate you taking the time to reply. Stay well

It's Not Me | BCNA Online Network

33 Replies

Brenda5
Member
10 years ago
Ask at your local breast screen clinic or the general hospital or use this search http://www.mcgrathfoundation.com.au/OurNurses/NationalBreastCareNurseDirectory/Nurses.aspx?type=gp
jacquipp
Member
10 years ago
Hey San-Dee

It does seem like we are both ploughing through this and neither of us knows what the hell we are doing... I mean this in the best possible way. I think it would be nice to stay in contact and share and support each other.

This site is a blessing.

I am so glad the surgery was successful. Heres hoping you keep getting good news. Did you hear from your breast nurse? How did you get allocated one? I have no idea about all of this

Hugs. Jacqui xxx
San-Dee
Member
10 years ago
Hi Jacquipp,

It has been wonderful receiving all the replies and words of wisdom from those who have gone before us.

I'm sorry you have been diagnosed with this rotten thing and can't help but feel that perhaps we can get through this together. I was only diagnosed recently and had my lumpectomy last week. Although I was lucky in that my lymph nodes were clear and the surgeon was able to remove the tumour intact, turns out it was more than double the size they first thought and was much more aggressive. That kind of threw us! It was like "Yay! He got it all", but now I am looking at radiation, chemo and hormone therapies. Almost feels like a sentence for crimes committed! When these will start is anybody's guess!

My breast care nurse has not called. I tell myself she must have clients who are in more need of her than I am and I will be seeing my GP on Friday, so that's okay. I have no idea what the correct protocol is there. It's like feeling my way in the dark through an unfamiliar room. Thank heavens for this site!

So thank you for taking time out to contact me and if you would like to share, I'd be more than pleased to listen.

Hugs

San-Dee
San-Dee
Member
10 years ago
Hi Christine,

I am still amazed at the wonderful responses I have been receiving from everyone. I have already allocated the position of gate-keeper to my husband. I have a sister ... I know she loves me, but!! ... I can't listen to her repetitive "helpful" comments day in and day out. I am so glad I am not the only one having to filter friends and relatives!

I think, as with everyone else, I'm sure, the waiting game is going to be the hardest. I've only just had my lumpectomy and just want to get on with treatment, but have no idea when that will start.

Thank you so much for caring enough to reply to my post. I'm in awe of all the wonderful women on here.

Take care.

San-Dee
San-Dee
Member
10 years ago
Hi Karen,

Thanks for that. As you say, once the treatment plan starts I hope to be feeling more in control. At the moment, it is the waiting and not knowing that is getting to me. I'm glad I signed on to this site, as I really thought I was doing okay and didn't need any support. How wrong I was!

Hugs

San-Dee
San-Dee
Member
10 years ago
Hi,

With all the responses, I am feeling so much better. I am so thankful for the replies I have received and the support that comes with them. It's only been a week since my surgery so there's a long road ahead of me. Thank you for your words of wisdom and I wish you all the best.

Take care.
San-Dee
Member
10 years ago
Hello Ruth,

Wow ... all you ladies are certainly putting this into perspective for me. Something friends and family can't do. God love them, I know they think they are helping but I do want to slap them. I suppose I will just grin and bear it and then come back on here to get real again. Thank you so much for your reply.

San-Dee
San-Dee
Member
10 years ago
Hi Georginamary,

Thanks for sharing. I think I am coming to terms with this self indulgence of mine, thanks to all the lovely ladies who have found the time, energy and compassion to reply to my post. I've only just started this journey and have a long way to go, by all accounts, so need to channel my energy into being more positive. I tend to be a bit of a pessimist, so it's going to be an uphill battle, but hey ... I need the exercise HA!

I have a sister who thinks she is saying all the right things and I want to strangle because she is constantly telling me what I should and shouldn't do, how she knows I will be fine and I should be more positive and get my health on track and, and, and.....

I think I will be getting my husband to be gate keeper and keep her at bay. She's not helping!

I'll be thinking of you on the 22nd.

San-Dee
jacquipp
Member
10 years ago
San-Dee I have just been diagnosed so I have no words of wisdom on how to deal with/cope with all of this. You have already received some great words of wisdom from the other lovely ladies here. All I can say is thank you for sharing, it has helped me to read your story. I too am feeling all those same things. I don't think anyone can tell us what we are supposed to be feeling, we are all a jumble of thoughts, feelings, fears, strengths, courage, love... that makes us US.

I hope your breast care nurse rang and you are getting the support you need. I will keep an eye out for your next posts and see how you are going. Take care, HUGS xxx
iserbrown
Member
10 years ago
Hi San-dee

It is a very personal predicament where you now need to concentrate on your health, both physical and mental.

You mentioned your husband in your response to a post. Anoint him as the gatekeeper. Filter the visitors until such time as you are prepared to talk with everyone.

You've got a diagnosis but not a treatment plan and all the well meaning, some have never been there, come out of the woodwork, intending to make you feel better but it can have the reverse effect. I have a friend who I see on a regular basis in the street here at home and each time somewhere in the conversation she says, I've had cancer twice you know! OK, this is not a competition and I've no intention of a second round so you win!

Don't compare yourself to others as regardless of which foob, size or tumour(s) the bottom line is, it is Breast Cancer and there are great specialists and treatment plans there ready to help you and the rest of us through the crooked miles that we will travel.

Hope you get comfort from this forum.

Try and keep a notepad nearby for questions so when you have a medical appointment or a phone call from your Breast care nurse you come to be better informed on where you are at.

Take care

Christine

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