It's Not Me

Hi San-dee,

if you aren't allowed to be self-absorbed when you are dealing with cancer, when are you?  The world has chugged along with various disasters since my diagnosis on January 27th, but I can only view the last two months through the prism of my diagnosis and two failed operations, with the final treatment of a mastectomy on March 22nd.  I have no guilt at all about thinking of myself.  I try to be positive all of the time, as sitting in a corner and moping will only make me feel worse and do nothing to make my cancer go away.  

But as many others have also experienced, one of the worst parts is dealing with friends who tell you bracingly that most people survive nowadays and that there are wonderful new treatments, as they don't know what else to say.  Alternatively, there are the doom and gloom people.  I have an 85 year old friend who tells me how her sister-in-law survived breast cancer, but her two sisters died of it.  This makes its way into the conversation every time I speak to her, even when I tell her that I don't want to hear about it.  My brother can't seem to avoid bringing death from various diseases into the conversation, as he is very awkward in dealing with anything emotional, and doesn't know what to say!  My sister is ready to strangle him on my behalf.

I try to keep the positive attitude up in public, but it can be VERY hard at times.  You have to keep your own compassion and sense of humour going, and realise that people care and are trying to help, but at times it takes a superhuman effort!