Forum Discussion
Is that a light at the end of the tunnel??
To me a journey is getting from A to B at a leisurely manner....stopping off for a bit of sight seeing and long lunches.....what I have been through since 28th March has been a fast track nightmare heading for the chasm that has lost the bridge!! Oh I know that sounds melodramatic but I honestly don't know where last 4 months have gone. Started with Breast scan bus and the lovely technician explaining that if there is any problems I will called up for further investigation ( this is while she is holding my hand and patting with the other one - I smiled and said thanks and was thinking uh oh..oh well!! :) ) Further investigations the next week, 100k away, Bilateral lumpectomy followed, then oops DCIS hidden lets go mastectomy on one side...other was fine...just scar tissue from Lumpectomy 25 years ago! daughter and I decided to call breast that was leaving the building "Doris"..texted son post-op and said...Doris has left the building ..he came back...who is Doris?? Oops forgot to tell him her name...lol Last drain out a week following discharge...damn..infection and fluid build up...Iv Antibiotics and who needs needles to draw fluid out...its decided to gush out by itself!! Arm exercises not good enough...get thee to the Physio!! Oh the pain!! I'm sure the Physio degree includes a Unit of Fiendishness 101. :) So next step is Chemo .....and its starts today. I've arrived at the chasm but I'm seeing the bridge over it!! I am surprisingly calm (at the moment) I am not prepared to leave this world without a damn big fight! So lets see where I am after 6 treatments over 3 months! I haven't been alone with support from sisters , mother (shes 88 god love her!) friends and of course husband and my kids. - Even grandkids (4 - 10) know I have a "sore arm" and I get so many more hugs and kisses :) So my purpose in writing all this is I guess I needed to put it out into the universe that I have had pain, tears, fears and felt alone. I think this is my letter to me saying...get going girlfriend the next step has arrived and its time to take it...the bridge is there....trust!!
79 Replies
- I know I was well prepared for the hair loss on day 14...started day 17 but it didn't stop me having the big ugly sobbing. Especially after washing blow drying it etc only to see a full layer of hair below my bob line that had just come away. I know shaving the bloody stuff off was empowering. It was done and dusted and for me stopped me stressing over it. For a lot of woman it is harder than the breast loss at the time. I think the breast loss sneaks up on us later ...as that sadly doesn't grow back. Taje care. X
- Even prepared, it's still confronting.
- Been a good week...mentally preparing for round #2 on Thursday and all it entailed. Had a shower yesterday AM and washed my hair....and was struck by an emotional moment (??) ....hair was coming away in my hands and I stood there crying (and yes a few loud NOOOO'S!) I laugh at myself now and the whole situation. Husband came in and was trying to calm me down and daughter just happened by to pick something up for grandkids and she started crying and getting wet (she was dressed for work!) whilst comforting me. I had mentally prepared myself for hair loss after second treatment not before....lol Not really a biggie anyway...more a thinning of the thick hair rather than clumps at this stage anyway. But I have to laugh at myself..it keeps me sane!! :D
- Thanks Ladies for your ongoing support....it is great. Hope you are all doing ok. Part of this respite is to do things I haven't indulged in for 4 - 5 months. :)
- That's the spirit @Scorpio101 Carpe Diem Mxx
- Well done @Scorpio101 ... specially with the tinnitus!! I have had it for about 40 years! :( It is a real pain!
All the best for your ongoing treatment xx - Good on you Scorpio! Make sure you do something especially nice for yourself before your next infusion. K xox
- Well done getting through cycle 1. It's a miserable trip but the 1st part of treatment of 4 cycles (? Not sure your regime) is over and done with rather rapidly and at least you get 1 good week in 3. Hoping cycle 2 is just as kind.
- Dear self...First week over and I am back to normal, (what ever that may be)! No headache, belly aches and a slept a full night!! Go me! So I have 10 days to enjoy myself, maybe even clean the house :D :D I didn't even fully realise I was in some sort of a fog until I woke yesterday morning and I had a clear thinking head! Even the Tinnitus has dropped to its usual dull buzzing! <3
- o:)
