Hi strangers
Hi ladies long time no speak, I hope you are all well and finding some happiness in one form or another. i have just read some of my own posts from last year, omg things have sure changed since 2017. it was my second year july 4th don't know where the time has gone, my doctor was very happy with me and I disscused the pain I still had constant 24/7 . Not a problem he said we can is that so I went on Endone now I'm on Pregabalin which seems to be helping it blocks the pain. i have stopped lazer and I have a normal massage which I think has helped, still get this cramp grabbing pain that comes across my breast that comes from under my arm pit, sorry to much crap lol. it gas taken a while but I think things are getting better so keep going things will get better over time chow for now xox
Energy surges
Have had a couple of interesting days. Yes, unlike most of you I am only in the first cycle, just about to head into week 3. My energy surged back yesterday (morning) and then again this morning. Got heaps done throwing out clothing I will never wear again and tidying up, etc. etc. but then after some advice from a friend, I realised that I was a bit out of control and so have acknowledge that I genuinely have to step back, stop interfering, let go and let my replacement do her/my job at work. Such a trivial issue - Kay, get yourself a hobby!
Unfortunately someone else always has worse news
Yesterday I started Cycle 2 Round 1 of 12 chemo treatments, it hasn't gone to bad. I just woke with it being a very emotional day, continually crying at any little thing but thankfully woke (haahaa as if sleeping happened) feeling much better today. Whilst I was having chemo in Cancer Clinics very comfy recliner my Aunt sent a message that my Uncle's treatment has been delayed, let me fill you in on the story. The most incredible, amazing, thoughtful and kindest human being my Uncle (wish he was my dad, I got the dodgy brother boohoo) was diagnosed with Leukemia 5 days before my BC diagnoses in December 2018. He was blasted with inpatient Chemo for a straight month, I least I get mini breaks I can only imagine how sick he has been. They found a Bone Marrow donor in Germany and were all set to go for next week, his counts were great but they decided to be over cautious and double check. Unfortunately his counts sky rocketed and Transplant has been delayed by another 6 weeks and his back in Hospital getting Chemo blasted AGAIN for a month. How much is a person expected to take and deal with. My amazing Aunt is a bloody mess and can't believe they are back at square one, SO BLOODY UNFAIR, as I wrote before he is the most amazing human being and he is one of last you want to leave this world before his time. As my Aunt said it has to be true that bad things happen only to the good, she kindly had me in that old adage also. The next time I feel sorry for myself I have to remember that I'm getting along OK and no backward steps, fingers crossed, yet. So can I ask that today if any of you lovely people get a moment, even though you all have your own burdens to bear, can you give my Uncle a little thought or prayer for he truly is amazing!!! Thank you
Playing the cancer card
Usually I am reluctant to emphasise my condition. However, today I was compelled to let my G.P.'s receptionist know my condition after being informed that I would need to wait for another 3 people in front of me, after already waiting half an hour. I left the surgery and came back because I knew I had to have my injection or risk pain and fractures. I had made my appointment before Christmas. All I wanted was my monthly injection. My G.P. was very apologetic. All good now but...
Drained- Depressed & Struggling
Well it has been three months since I have been online so here goes. Twelve weekly sessions of chemo (Paclitaxel) plus Trastuzumab (hercepton) every three weeks just completed! Last tuesday was my last chemo (Paclitaxel) YAY! I was to start 4 weeks of radiation on 17th Sept. But was notified yesterday it will now start on 2nd October and I will only have 16 days again YAY! It has been the most draining weekly sessions I could ever have imagined, sorry for the complaining but I am exhausted. My body is not mine it looks like some 90 year olds. No hair has taken away my identy, my poor old body is sagging, covered in chemo rash damage, lack of colour, I am so tired all the time, can't concentrate and not much interested in anything that goes on around me! What the hell happened to me in the last three months go? I've been in a timewarp! Where did the fun loveing grandma go, the lady who loved meeting her friends at craft every Thursday & who loved her indoor bowls every Monday with her group. Where did she go? I really didn't have any expectations when I went in to this I just decided to do the very best I could at it & give it my best shot at beating this dam big C. Wow today I feel like laying down & sleeping & just letting mother nature take over. Yep I am depressed I realise I need to seek some help I don't know this person any more who is she? I have about three weeks of only Trastuzumab every three weeks so a break might just give me back some energy to get through the rest of these few months. Hopefully I will be able to visit my craft & indoor bowls groups to say hi to them all again as I have only been able to visit them twice each over the past three months & that was a struggle. As long as I make the effort & keep moving forward I am sure I will get through this but have just hit a brick wall at moment & need to retreat, regroup & reenergise, get positive & move on for the next round. Sorry for the long rant I needed to vent so thought of all you sisters out there. Until next time love & good health to you all may your journey be smooth. Regards Dawn
Finding the unfunny funny
just wanted to vent these (what I found) funny exchanges I had recently. I had a choice about laughing or crying over them, so I just chose to laugh and run with that. So so I went to the chemo ward the other day to have my stupid monthly Zoladex injection. The nurse who did it was in her 20s, and was training another young woman nurse. So I’m sitting there waiting for my shot and nurse 1 says to the newbie: ”Zoladex is what we give to patients who have ER + B Ca, they stay on it for about 5 years, and it can cause some menopause-like symptoms like hair thinning and hot flushes...” she says this as if I’m not sitting RIGHT there. I finished her sentence with: “....and insomnia, major joint pain, fatigue, depression, panic attacks....just to give you something to look forward to.” and wow ypu could have heard a pin drop. The look of horror from newbie nurse. Poor lass. Grumpy menopausal women speaking the truth about treatment, gasp!!! Had to chuckle at her innocence and my grumpy non-oestrogenated jadedness clashing at that point. Then another day i was paying for petrol (account overdrawn by like $100, living my financial dreams) and the attendant sees my lympho compression sleeve/glove and smiles innocently and says “Is that to protect you from the sun?” I think he was about to congratulate me for being super sun smart. And i cheerfully said “No, it’s for a condition I have called lymphoedema. It’s an excess of lymph fluid in my arm that needs compression to manage. But it also does keep my skin safe from the sun! Have a great day.” 😂 you should have seen his poor little face fall when I said lymphoedema. You could just about hear his mind going WTF ? And the awkwardness that ensued. Had to laugh. I guess I have a pretty black sense of humour. It was the absolute clash of his knowledge versus the ugly reality of my life that cracked me up.Is that a light at the end of the tunnel??
To me a journey is getting from A to B at a leisurely manner....stopping off for a bit of sight seeing and long lunches.....what I have been through since 28th March has been a fast track nightmare heading for the chasm that has lost the bridge!! Oh I know that sounds melodramatic but I honestly don't know where last 4 months have gone. Started with Breast scan bus and the lovely technician explaining that if there is any problems I will called up for further investigation ( this is while she is holding my hand and patting with the other one - I smiled and said thanks and was thinking uh oh..oh well!! :) ) Further investigations the next week, 100k away, Bilateral lumpectomy followed, then oops DCIS hidden lets go mastectomy on one side...other was fine...just scar tissue from Lumpectomy 25 years ago! daughter and I decided to call breast that was leaving the building "Doris"..texted son post-op and said...Doris has left the building ..he came back...who is Doris?? Oops forgot to tell him her name...lol Last drain out a week following discharge...damn..infection and fluid build up...Iv Antibiotics and who needs needles to draw fluid out...its decided to gush out by itself!! Arm exercises not good enough...get thee to the Physio!! Oh the pain!! I'm sure the Physio degree includes a Unit of Fiendishness 101. :) So next step is Chemo .....and its starts today. I've arrived at the chasm but I'm seeing the bridge over it!! I am surprisingly calm (at the moment) I am not prepared to leave this world without a damn big fight! So lets see where I am after 6 treatments over 3 months! I haven't been alone with support from sisters , mother (shes 88 god love her!) friends and of course husband and my kids. - Even grandkids (4 - 10) know I have a "sore arm" and I get so many more hugs and kisses :) So my purpose in writing all this is I guess I needed to put it out into the universe that I have had pain, tears, fears and felt alone. I think this is my letter to me saying...get going girlfriend the next step has arrived and its time to take it...the bridge is there....trust!!
Fear : does it ever leave you?
25 months post diagnosis, 6months post treatment not including daily letrozole- 10 day old First time Grandmother at 53yr old!!!!! I’m blessed to still have my mother, so 4 generation of girls- very special!!! I hate that any and every special thing in my life awakens my darkest fear. Do you ever get to a point where you can see your life in the future?? Reconstruction surgery planned for this year and I’m questioning if it’s worth putting myself & loved ones through the BC intrusion again.
Recurrence
I were first diagnosed in 2011 and had lumpectomy followed by chemo and radiation I then had a local recurrence in 2015 and had a double masectomy and reconstruction followed by more chemo and then daily letrozole tablet I have just been diagnosed with another local recurrence in my reconstructed breast I have had surgery to remove the lump and are awaiting the results. I am wandering what sort of treatment I will have as I have been told different things .It sounds crazy but I almost want more chemo as cancer has returned twice with chemo and it scares me to think what could happen if I don't have chemo. Anyone been in a similar situation.
