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Scorpio101's avatar
Scorpio101
Member
7 years ago

Is that a light at the end of the tunnel??

To me a journey is getting from A to B at a leisurely manner....stopping off for a bit of sight seeing and long lunches.....what I have been through since 28th March has been a fast track nightmare heading for the chasm that has lost the bridge!!  Oh I know that sounds melodramatic but I honestly don't know where last 4 months have gone.  Started with Breast scan bus and the lovely technician explaining that if there is any problems I will called up for further investigation ( this is while she is holding my hand and patting with the other one - I smiled and said thanks and was thinking uh oh..oh well!! :) )  Further investigations the next week, 100k away,  Bilateral lumpectomy followed,  then oops DCIS hidden lets go mastectomy on one side...other was fine...just scar tissue from Lumpectomy 25 years ago!  daughter and I decided to call breast that was leaving the building "Doris"..texted son post-op and said...Doris has left the building ..he came back...who is Doris??  Oops forgot to tell him her name...lol   Last drain out a week following discharge...damn..infection and fluid build up...Iv Antibiotics and who needs needles to draw fluid out...its decided to gush out by itself!!   Arm exercises not good enough...get thee to the Physio!!  Oh the pain!!  I'm sure the Physio degree includes a Unit of  Fiendishness 101.  :)  So next step is Chemo .....and its starts today. I've arrived at the chasm but I'm seeing the bridge over it!!  I am surprisingly calm (at the moment)  I am not prepared to leave this world without a damn big fight!  So lets see where I am after 6 treatments over 3 months!  I haven't been alone with support from sisters , mother (shes 88 god love her!) friends and of course husband and my kids.  - Even grandkids  (4 - 10) know I have a "sore arm" and I get  so many more hugs and kisses :)  So my purpose in writing all this is I guess I needed to put it out into the universe that I have had pain, tears, fears and felt alone.  I think this is my letter to me saying...get going girlfriend the next step has arrived and its time to take it...the bridge is there....trust!!   
coping
diagnosis
treatment

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  • Scorpio101's avatar
    Scorpio101
    Member
    7 years ago
    Oh dear...Day 1 and day 2 post Chemo #1 were a breeze....this is easy says I to myself.  No nausea, bowel problems, appetite problems...ohh must be one of the lucky ones.  Day 3...Who the F^%^%%^CK put that bloody brick wall there!!!  Had my first cry in about 4 days. OMG I couldn't move out of reclining lounge chair, every cell and fibre in my body hurt and we wont mention that my mouth felt like I had drank acid ! (Hurt ?? such a lame word sometimes!)    My head felt like it was going to explode and puhleeeease DON'T touch it!! Day 4 was easier by about 50% - cells and fibre and head still hurting but I didn't move far.  

    This morning, Day 5 I woke after having dreams about elephants...(I don't know why, they just seemed to be running around my bed!! ) and I feel pretty bloody good...a bit tired,  & small irritating headache (expected after the elephant run!)  Oh wow it was an experience!  Better-half amazingly supportive.  Just sat near me for the 2 days offering drinks, food, "there there, I'm heres" and hand holding offers.  :)   Hopefully that's the only brick wall I face this round. I am a fairly strong, intelligent and worldly woman but that experience knocked me big time...physically, and emotionally. 

    The light at the end of the Tunnel is still there on the other side of the bridge but sure thought someone had turned it out on me last couple of days...:)

       And again this letter is to me..... Self, read this again in 2 weeks time for mental preparation!  DO NOT get complacent next round. :)   and please...no more elephants ...lets try kittens next time.  
  • arpie's avatar
    arpie
    Member
    7 years ago
    Well done @Scorpio101 !  Take it easy tho, over the next 4-5 days - you may feel especially tired & just want to sleep - so do it! (That's what happened with my hubby when he was on chemo - he'd go to bed for a couple of days - then he was fine again.)   Well, as fine as you 'can be' on chemo!!   Be careful in the sun - it can make you super sensitive to the sun & easily sunburnt.

    Any question or ANYTHING - jump on here & someone will reply!!   All hours of the day & night!!  We have some real night owls here too!  ;) 

    Take care, thinking of you as you do your chemo xxx

  • Scorpio101's avatar
    Scorpio101
    Member
    7 years ago
    Firstly thank you all for your comments and encouragement.  I have a wonderful husband who wont let me drive at the moment but that's ok...arm still a little under the weather so probably best I don't for safety reasons.  First chemo is over.  Took that first big step, even put on my walking shoes lol !!  Felt great when I got home and started to get washing out of machine...dash of queasiness and husband behind me said....sit down ...you're white!   Oh dear maybe I had just better take it a bit easy? :)   To me I say....proud of you lady, you will do this!!!    I am sorry I didn't join this special group at the beginning....writing takes the words of confusion and stress out of my head I have discovered.  Hugs to you all.  
  • Sister's avatar
    Sister
    Member
    7 years ago
    Sitting in the waiting room ready for my 14th chemo treatment - totally get how you feel but you will come to the end of it!
  • kmakm's avatar
    kmakm
    Member
    7 years ago
    Wonderful post. Sounds like you've got this! Good on you. Best of luck for chemotherapy. K xox
  • tigerbeth's avatar
    tigerbeth
    Member
    7 years ago
    Well @Scorpio101 sorry to see you here , but you are more than welcome ! 
    The advice ,support & words of wisdom on here is invaluable .
    so glad you have the support from your family   It's so important  however a common theme seems to be feeling alone during this crappy time ! Guess we just suck it up & get on with it ! 
    Yes ' big girl panties time ' 

    Hope you smash the chemo without too many dramas .
    all the best , you've got this !
    Hugs xxx
  • arpie's avatar
    arpie
    Member
    7 years ago
    So sorry to see you on the forum, but we've all travelled the same road - and there are lots of tips & tricks that may be able to ease the discomfort of the chemo @Scorpio101 ... Oh dear, it really sounds like you've been thru the mill.

    Yes, those words "if there is a problem you'll be hearing from us'' ..... we all pretty well assume that we won't hear from them .... but her caring nature obviously got the better of her & you had an inkling that 'something is up'!  

    All the best for your chemo - do you have a buddy who can take you?  Apart from having some company and support - not having to drive there & back is a real bonus.  

    That is terrific that you have such great support from your family and friends - it all helps.

    As some of the girls say .... gotta put my big pants on & get on with it!

    Take care, we'll be thinking of you xx