I have been feeling quite sad the last couple of days. I don’t know if it is cause the whole BC experience this year has hit me or it’s this time last week we were supposed to go on our holiday and we got delayed a day and had to cut it short - silly I know but I had been so looking forward to it and I don’t seem to take disappointment as well at the moment. I have so many fun things to look forward to - it’s our wedding anniversary on Monday so we are going out for a fancy lunch on Saturday, have a fun overnight planned for hubbys Birthday next month, he is taking me to Canberra for the weekend for my birthday in September and I have a couple of weeks off in October. Just feel over the last couple of days like I have lost the joy in life. I used to be a full time smoker but for the last several years I have been casual but the last week all I feel like doing is smoking and drinking on the weekends (silly I know after what I have been through). The worst thing is apart from sore muscles and hot flushes I almost feel like my old self again. There could be some apprehension about starting the tamoxifen tablets on Monday and how they are going to affect me. I find it really tough when I feel like this (last happened when I lost my mother and then my father) as I’m such a strong person that likes to pride myself on “sucking it up and getting through it”, which I have done going through BC all this year. I know this can be a normal feeling and a lot of u are going through the same thing. I have got a mental health plan from my doctor so might be time to make an appointment t with the shrink. I know I will get through this but just thought I might feel better to put it out there.

I'm guessing from what I feel and what I've seen from this forum - it's probably a little about the timing. First the shock, then the understanding about the treatment and getting through the scary stuff, then the blues. Around the 6 months mark, I reckon. Of course, physically our bodies have been through the proverbual wringer which has to affect mood.

So sorry to hear you're feeling like this Steph. I've been open about how I'm feeling as you know, and I don't have any answers, as you also know! We just have to plod on and wait for it to pass.Definitely have a chat with a counsellor. Just as putting it out here is helpful, so is that unbiased ear of the paid professional. Good valve release.Now that chemo is done you're probably giving yourself time and space to grieve what's happened to you, your loss of innocence. This just has to be be gone through, to get to the other side. Hang in there, try to do little nice things for yourself every day and yes, keep avoiding the ciggies! No good will come of smoking... the money alone!! Big bear hug, Kate xox

You've pushed yourself pretty hard, Steph, and its not over yet, so no wonder you are feeling a little jaded. The mood swings thing is very difficult, particularly when you are at the low end. I was nearly ready to throw myself down the well a couple of weeks ago.I knew if I went home after my interview yesterday I'd have made myself miserable 'what iffing'. So I took the hound, a trailer and my chainsaws with me into town (as you do) parked awkwardly where I shouldn't have, had a red hot go at selling myself then drove 150km to see a friend, cut a load of nice dry red gum, wandered around their house all night having online chats with odd people then drove home at first light. I'm what iffing' myself stupid now, but at least I've got a couple of weeks warming to show for it. Redneck rehab, the ultimate distraction.

@zoffiel that physical activity would do wonders for your mood and Im sure a chainsaw is good for working out any crankiness!!Hubby knows Im down so he booked us a nice hotel to stay in after lunch in the city on Saturday - an afternoon spent soaking in the tub with a beautiful bottle of wine our friends bought us from the States.I really hope you get good news from you job interview xo

@zoffiel @kezmusc - so glad Im not the only one for a penchant for the bad vices in life and it is never too early for bed - have a wine to help you sleep ;-)

Feeling Down | BCNA Online Network

iserbrown
Member
7 years ago

This is one of those posts I left in drafts. Wonder what I was going to say!
Kiwi_Angel
Member
7 years ago
@arpie - u r definitely getting your revenge!!
arpie
Member
7 years ago
Oh darn!! Sorry to hear of your concerns, @"Kiwi Angel" and @Sister ..... Definitely better to get them checked out sooner than later .... I hope all goes well with both of you. xxx

Today, I got 20+ fish teeth bite marks on my affected side (on my hand ...) but am not anticipating any problems, as I only had the 3 nodes out - but will keep an eye on it. As penance for biting me - the Tailor is now my dinner tomorrow night!! ;)

All the best, ladies xxx
Kiwi_Angel
Member
7 years ago
@sister - Im the same - not really looking forward to talking about my "feelings" and I got a cardboard cut on my affected side last week and didn't realise till I got home so scrubbed the crap out of it!!
Sister
Member
7 years ago
I've got to sort something out, too. Putting it off because I've not had a good track record with opening up in the past.
And I'm quietly freaking out because I took the skin off my knuckle quite well with the grater last night and it's the first cut I've had on the affected side since the node clearance. Antiseptic used immediately but still imagining the worst.
Kiwi_Angel
Member
7 years ago
@kmakm - that ok - I thought you were talking about some new fangled thing ;-)
kmakm
Member
7 years ago
@"Kiwi Angel" By talk theapy I just meant talking to a counsellor of some sort! Sorry. K xox
Kiwi_Angel
Member
7 years ago
@kmakm. I did some counselling when my mother passed away about 15 years ago but not specifically talk therapy - what does that involve? I found a weird spot near my scar this morning and even though every test I have had in the last 6 months has been clear (even my most recent bone scan) I immediately thought "its back". Im seeing my surgeon next week so if its still there Ill bring it up with her. Think it could be a certain bra rubbing on the area. I don't think that fear will ever go away for me. Good on you making an appointment too xoxo
kmakm
Member
7 years ago
@"Kiwi Angel" Another well done Steph. You're getting shit done today. I finally made my appointment, seeing her next Monday. I am finding living with the mood swings very challenging (menopause or cancer or Letrozole or all three?) and I want to see if there's a way of living with out a pit of fear in my stomach and without wanting to cry pretty much all the time. Still feel like there's a touch of PTSD going on. Have you evet done talk therapy before? BC brought me to it for the first time. K xox
Kiwi_Angel
Member
7 years ago
Made an appointment to see the shrink at the end of next month (first available that she had that suited me). Had to ring my oncologists office to get her number and the receptionist there said she was lovely too.