Feeling anxious need some positive stories

Hi Igray3911, your situation sounds almost exactly like mine. I’m 39, I have two boys, aged 11 and 1 and I’m going through almost the same treatments. I have been so positive during the whole thing, I haven’t ever really thought that this would end badly. I’ve just looked at it as a bump in the road in my life that would pass. That’s probably just me not wanting to face reality but it’s how I get through it. The one thing that gets to me though and reduces me to tears in an instant is the thought of leaving my boys. I completely understand how you feel. I don’t know how to overcome it but just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. Good luck with your journey and enjoy every minute with your precious boys. 

My mum had breast cancer in 1986 when she was 51. She was told it was very aggressive. She had sledgehammer primitive chemo and was told it was the strongest known to man. She didn't even have an oncologist. At 83 she is still alive today driving me nuts!

Hi ingray hope you continue to run in rain ..its just started raining down south near sydney temp is down to 17...not much on the tellie so have gone to the otherside.laughfter..ha ha two comedy nites in a row now its  jimoein on channel 11
All best 
Brighg in hope

Hi @Igray3911I have three sons.  In the past I have felt exactly the same way. The fear of the unknown can just consume every part of you at times. But it does get better. It will get better. You are still in flight or fright mode. The panic and endless fear is understandable. You have faced a life threatening situation and it's a HUGE deal. But it won't stay like this, as you continue with your recovery things will get better slowly. Sometimes you may feel like you are going backwards but then you'll go forwards again. Like the other ladies have said it can help to talk to a counsellor who has experience in dealing with cancer patients. I was able to see a psychiatrist attached to my public hospital who only sees cancer patients and it helped tremendously to know that others had felt the same and came through it.  It is coming up to 2 and a half years since my diagnosis. I had surgery, radiation, chemo with taxol and cyclophosphamide and 12 months Herceptin. I have changed my lifestyle, have lost 32 kgs and have done everything I can to kick cancer in the butt. 12 months since I started back at work a few hours a week I am now back stronger than even doing 50 plus hours and I feel great.  But I was a mess a while back, a total utter mess, crying all the time and fearing that life would never get better. I couldn't make a decision about anything, I felt lost and alone. But let me repeat, it does get better. It will get better. Hang in there. Just because you feel this way today doesn't mean you'll feel like this forever. I am now determined to make good memories with my three boys. I have taken all the photos out of the photo albums and put them under glass that I got cut specially for my kitchen table. Just looking at those every time we sit down to dinner makes us all laugh and laugh. We have family game night now every fortnight and that too is making memories. Next week all of us are climbing Sydney Harbour Bridge. If I am fortunate never to have cancer enter my life ever again, the memories I have made and continue to make will still be priceless. Sending you giant hugs.

I feel for you and understand completely how you feel. I have had lump removals they were supposed to be nothing which has now graduated to a simple right sided mastectomy with auxiliary lymph node removal tomorrow. Most likely I will have to have hormone therapy and radiotherapy but waiting for results is going to be horrific - it is all such a new and scary experience that is such a learning curve. I am like u and strong most of the time but every now and then all the worst case scenarios get in your head. Great that there is a forum here which I will find of great use. Good luck with your treatment and be strong but realise u r only human and you will have your bad days. 

Thank you all so much for your stories and the support. I really appreciate it. I went for a run in the rain and I screamed and swore and cried the whole way! Am feeling a lot better now although I may have been reported to the police!! Port Douglas is a small town so an angry Irish woman losing her shit in the pouring rain might get noticed!! 

@lgray3911, give yourself permission to feel sad, mad, anxious, scared.  Having a diagnosis of cancer takes away our previous complacency about longevity. Did you ever think about not living to a ripe old age before ?  I know I didn't. It makes us realise that life is fragile. Treatment depletes our emotional reserves as well as the physical. 
Im so glad you've come on here for support. Perhaps because as mums do we hold everything back so as not to affect our families and those around us. Always trying to be  strong positive etc. well I believe that it all has to come out at some point. Perhaps your dam is not able to stem the flow so to speak, anymore. 
I wish I had a magic wand or even magic words - would you consider seeing a psychologist?  Talking to someone and not feeling guilty to offload to them did help me. 
Mostly I just want to say "we get you". Good days. Bad days. Scared some days. Positive some days. We get you. 
Much love and lots of hugs. Xxxx

I hear you. I have some nodes and am triple positive. I’m starting radiation in March. I have a 5 year old.

I have spent a lot of time and I mean a LOT of time worrying about the “what if’s”. So much that it was robbing me of sleep and I had no joy in my life. 

I spent time with my therapist and decided that I needed to live now. For this moment. This week. I’m being happy now because I’m doing ALL I can to be disease free - the rest is up to fate and I can’t change, control or manage how it will unfold. 

What will be, will be and we will deal with it. No one has certainty. No one is guaranteed old age. We just have to live and love for this moment on this day. 

Xxx

I agree with kath lm 6 years post . My girls were older l just wanted all the things mums want.next friday my daughter will be married. This week lve cried so many times, the realisation that lve got to 6 years and one of my wishes will be true. It takes forever not to worry and worry will always be there, 2 years ago l was diagnosed with a rare blood cancer also wtf l thought but l thought lve just got to try and push.good days bad days better days you do get there, but you need to ferl sad sometimes xxx

Dear @lgray3911, There's a few powerful positive stories above, and support - all the network members are here for you. Am thinking of you - best wishes from jennyss in Western NSW