Hi @ADS, I am so sorry you are struggling like this. It is good that you have medical help with the psychologist and the psychiatrist. Keeping ypur medical team including your gp and oncologist is important.
There are so many people who struggle with depression after being diagnosed with breast cancer. It happens after receiving a life threatening diagnosis and having treatment. When the body goes into fight mode lots of adrenalin is pumped out and this helps us get through all the surgery and treatment. However all the adrenalin there is a ley down in that adrenalin and hence being susceptible to depression and anxiety. It is far more common than you think.
Re suicidal ideation however is not a good place to be. I am sure you have discussed this with your doctors. Do you have strategies to help retrain the brain to reduce/stop these thoughts? What works best for you in distracting these thoughts?
Some years ago my son went through a terrible depression and had suicidal ideation. He stayed on his meds, got counselling and did get through that terrible time. It was at this time of year too, which can bring up many emotions so extra care is needed at Christmas time. My son involved himself in his garden to help channel is thoughts into something positive.
Do you have hobbies or interests that you enjoy? These help. What about exercise? Are you getting some walks in? It must be hard with young children. How old are they? What about family and friends, do you have support there?
You can do this. You have reached out to your medical people and you have us here to talk to so that's positive. You are nor alone and you have so much to live for with your family who no doubt love you so much.
Keep going. Always reach out to your medical team and don't forget the helplines if those thoughts get too much. Let us know how you are going. Sending a big virtual hug to you.