Sending you a huuuuuuuuuge hug! You are battle weary....You are going through an enormous ordeal! It's normal to cry, scream, punch, kick! Let the bad roll with the good.....unless you find yourself in that dark place for too long, then seek help.....otherwise it's perfectly acceptable.....We had big plans too, as our kids are now adult.....but you know what? those plans are still plans, just delayed a little is all.....take a deep breath and step back from everything......you've got this, and we've got your back <3