Bc at 39, changing docs and other joys

Hello to all the lovely and beautiful ladies on this forum.

I have been reading comments for a couple of months now but have not yet posted. I was diagnosed in February with multifocal bilateral bc, HER-, ER/PG+, grades 1 and 2, stage 1 (only found out stage recently). I had skin/nipple sparing double mastectomy with tissue expanders on 1 April, 2 nights in hospital with 4 drains plus PICO dressing (which was put on wrong). I went private for the surgery but public for the hospital.

At post op app I was told I would need another surgery for DCIS in left nipple. I felt smth wasn’t right and asked doc for different options. He refused everything else. I went to op but got slight fever while in prep so it was postponed. I ended up having extreme anxiety and depression, was unable to sleep and lost 6 kgs that month. I felt very unheard, unsupported and didn’t know anything about my cancer. I was paying privately to have consultations with my specialist, but instead I got the junior doc.

I started seeing an onco-psychologist (wonderful woman), and my GP put me on anti anxiety and anti depressant tablets. I still wasn’t convinced about the surgery and felt time was being wasted waiting for anxiety to pass so I could have it, and thought there must be a better way, so I finally went for a second opinion (would’ve gone earlier but bc nurse told me I shouldn’t as it would be even more expensive so I was scared to). New surgeon (another wonderful woman) told me there were def other options and finally organised for me to see a fertility specialist (I’m 39), med onco and radio therapist all within a week. She said we can combine nipple removal with exchange surgery after treatment.

Her practice manager sent me readings explaining everything related to bc under the sun. She explained everything about my cancer to me (incl stage), and all reconstruction possibilities including cons and pros of each. She even showed me an expander and diff implants. I finally felt informed, educated and empowered. I went from sitting on the couch, staring into space and crying all day to the way I was before - happy, talkative and looking after myself. I’m still coming to terms with my diagnosis and have bad moments.

I decided against chemo and will start radiotherapy next week. I’m also getting Zoladex injections so I can start taking Letrazole after radio. I’m really scared of the side effects and just wanna run away and hide, but I am trying to be as brave as possible and hoping for the best. At least I now feel confident in my medical team. I used to be a very strong person, but bc I feel has made me weak and vulnerable. However I will continue to try my best.

This forum and the ladies on it have become my best friends. This is where I sought solace when I was at rock bottom. All
the supportive comments to each other have helped me find my strength, as we all share the same emotions and challenges. It has also been a source of invaluable information, especially during the time when I wasn’t getting any info from my first surgeon.

Sorry about the extremely long post, it’s been a few months coming 🙂. I wish I could give each and every one of you a big bear hug in person.