Really having a rough time of it lately. I thought I was coping really well after my single mastectomy on 27 July, but it's like the shock, anger and despair have really only just kicked in. I find myself teary nearly every day. I hate looking at myself in the mirror, clothed or naked, and I can't bear for my partner to see me naked. Now I always sleep with a t-shirt on (never used to) and most nights I silently cry myself to sleep. I'm over the hot flushes and the joint pain associated with Tamoxifen and don't know how the hell I'm going to cope taking this stuff for at least the next 5 years!! My 'normal' has gone and I don't know where or when my 'new normal' will begin......how can a new normal begin when I can't stand the new me? Everything really hit home when my partner said.....'she lost the best part of her femininity' :'(

It's not easy adjusting to all tje changes and accepting what new normal is. Menopause isn't easy without it being brought on suddenly like with tamoxifen. It changes how you feel, impacts on your sleep and kills the libido. Never mind adding the cancer fears to it. But things will improve. As to accepting having one breast...do you have to?. Have you considered reconstruction? . Whilst it will never replace the breast you lost it may well make you feel more comfortable in your own skin. I had a bilateral mastectomy with implant reconstruction...it's not complete yet...but I do feel comfortable with my new breasts and how they look. I am just unhappy with all the weight I gained on chemo...but working on that. I think that the new promotion of promoting scars help women who don't want reconstruction, but it can make those that do feel weak for wanting it. We are not. It's just a different journey but just as traumatic.Meanwhile perhaps it's time to look at some pretty lingerie. The link I have added have some nice camisoles that you could put in a soft form and wear to bed.http://www.erilan.com.au/collections/mastectomy-bras-underwear?page=15It will all take time. What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Do you have a breast care nurse? Might be a good time for a chat also.Take care. Kath x

Hi Kath. Thank you for your advice. I was told that I would have to wait at least 12 months before the reconstruction process would begin. Just seems so far away

Yes it does. I'm glad you are looking at that. Meantime it's time to treat yourself with something that makes you feel feminine again. You are worth it. If you live in a big city you may be able to go in and look at things also. I cried many nights and sometimes still do about my loss..of my old self. But it does get better. It just takes time and you know what...tears are fine. X

Hello - goodness you really have got yourself down in the dumps, understandably! Welcome to the world of the lopsided woman, the one that feels insecure, feels like everyone is staring at her, and they're not! Please don't make yourself feel bad for feeling like you do, it is ok! We tend to reflect and think what the, how did this happen but eventually we come to an acceptance and look for that new kind of normal. I've had a left breast mastectomy and I made sure that my husband saw the injury straight away and in time encouraged him to rub in the moisturiser (finally settled on QV cream) into the breast - now I'm better I've decided that is my job not his! It is all part of the acceptance process for both of you. My journey was immediate reconstruction and changeover surgery was 5 months after mastectomy. We are all different in how our bodies react and the treatments that we're all on. Menopause - not sure who invented it but it can be testing! As Kath had suggested perhaps a natter with your breast care nurse or your local GP will help - maybe you need a supplement to help you through or in a discussion thread recently we all agreed that putting your leg out of bed and singing the hokey pokey helps! Yes I'm on Tamoxifen for 10 years although the Oncologist did suggest he would review that at the 2 year mark and perhaps put me on Arimidex! Side effects are the normal you just need to find a way to cope, sometimes a little thing like changing the time of day you take the Tamoxifen can help! Not sure where you are, Victoria or interstate. There are lots of good groups out there where you can meet with like minded people as well as us here on the forum that will help you through and let you cry or laugh or anything in between without judgment. http://www.thinkpink.org.au/ ; or http://breacan.org.au/ ; Breacan has a navigator that you can download on your phone and that will help you as well as - they are all free organisations. Breacan also offer Reflexology, you may find that will help!Take care and sending you a virtual hug from Christine xx

It's tough, your reactions are perfectly normal. I think your partner is right, breasts are an important part of our femininity - but not of being female, or a woman or a beautiful woman. Dainty, sweet spoken, pretty are all part of a feminine picture. Nice if you have it, not a real problem if you don't and not much good at all on their own. Others have given you good advice about reconstruction - we all remember thinking 12 months was a life sentence, interminable. But many of us have kept cancer at bay long enough to know time does pass and things change. It's natural and good to mourn the loss of a part of ourselves, just remember that mourning is a path to a new reality, not a destination in itself. Take heart, things will get better.

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primek
Member
9 years ago
It's not easy adjusting to all tje changes and accepting what new normal is. Menopause isn't easy without it being brought on suddenly like with tamoxifen. It changes how you feel, impacts on your sleep and kills the libido. Never mind adding the cancer fears to it. But things will improve.

As to accepting having one breast...do you have to?. Have you considered reconstruction? . Whilst it will never replace the breast you lost it may well make you feel more comfortable in your own skin. I had a bilateral mastectomy with implant reconstruction...it's not complete yet...but I do feel comfortable with my new breasts and how they look. I am just unhappy with all the weight I gained on chemo...but working on that. I think that the new promotion of promoting scars help women who don't want reconstruction, but it can make those that do feel weak for wanting it. We are not. It's just a different journey but just as traumatic.

Meanwhile perhaps it's time to look at some pretty lingerie. The link I have added have some nice camisoles that you could put in a soft form and wear to bed.
http://www.erilan.com.au/collections/mastectomy-bras-underwear?page=15

It will all take time. What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Do you have a breast care nurse? Might be a good time for a chat also.

Take care. Kath x

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