It's tough, your reactions are perfectly normal. I think your partner is right, breasts are an important part of our femininity - but not of being female, or a woman or a beautiful woman. Dainty, sweet spoken, pretty are all part of a feminine picture. Nice if you have it, not a real problem if you don't and not much good at all on their own. Others have given you good advice about reconstruction - we all remember thinking 12 months was a life sentence, interminable. But many of us have kept cancer at bay long enough to know time does pass and things change. It's natural and good to mourn the loss of a part of ourselves, just remember that mourning is a path to a new reality, not a destination in itself. Take heart, things will get better.