Almost

Thank you all for your responses. Hugs gratefully received. @Nefertari I am so sorry that your family has had a similar experience. My heart goes out to you.

This place is where I tell the truth. In real life I express some of this to my husband, but the face everyone sees is stoic. I soldier on and will be as supportive and helpful as I can to my father and mother.

Unfortunately I feel somewhat more 'fluent' in cancer than I did two years ago. So I understand how my father feels to a greater degree, and I understand the steps that have to be taken. Last night he was explaining what a PET scan was, and who the various specialists were. He doesn't have to for me.

I can feel all the work I've done with my psychologist propping me up somewhat, and being on the right dose of antidepressants is helping.

Last night my mother was stoic and pragmatic. They've been sitting on the news that something was wrong for a week and the results for a couple of days so have adjusted somewhat. She is an optimist, my father is a pessimist. He was grim, shaken, had tears in his eyes (unusual), and not smiling. He looked sad and afraid in a brave way. I said my bit about crossing bridges when we get to them and not before.

After he got the news he went straight to bowls to "distract" himself. We all know the drill here eh.

They are pragmatic, acknowledging that they're in their eighties and they have to die of something at some point. But why in the vast panoply of illnesses did it have to be cancer?

I wish my family didn't have to go through this again. And at Christmas, again. No point in wishing either. If wishes were horses beggers would ride.

Thanks for reading. I won't go on about it here, it is a BC forum after all. You are all such a tremendous support and 'get it' in ways that others don't. I hope you all have a good end of the year, get a nice summer break and if Christmas is your thing, that it's full of blessings. K xox