Mum recently diagnosed

@Formymum19 I am so very sorry for your loss of your mum.  She is free from pain now.  Thankyou for sharing your thoughts from a daughters perspective.  My own daughter is in her 20s and I felt connected to you.   I'm crying as I write this and send you love.   You are in my thoughts.  Xxx

I’m so sorry about your mum @Formymum19 😢😢. She is free from pain now, but it’s no doubt so difficult. You
were there for her til the end, the love is ever present 💗. Look after yourself. 

@Formymum19 so sorry for your loss. May your Mum rest in peace and knowing how much you loved her, and don't you worry many Mums and daughters can have strained relationships at times, so pleased you both had time to embrace getting to know each other better over the last couple of years.  Reading your thread has warmed my heart and is evidence of how special a daughter you are to your Mum.  May you be always blessed.  Take care and we are here for you whenever you want to jump on to share, cry or to have others to chat with on the forum.  xx

Hi everyone, 

The last few weeks have been a rollercoaster, since mum stopped all treatment, she started to get unwell pretty quickly.

I've written this post so many times but keep changing what I want to say. Mum went into hospice to have fluid drained from her abdomen and her health continued to decline, she went to hospice not even two weeks ago and she passed away yesterday afternoon. 

My sister and I were there with her and she passed peacefully and she is now free from any pain and suffering.  

I'm feeling so numb right now, my heart is broken, I always knew this was coming but no matter how much you prepare, you are never ready. 

I have so many things i could write but I cant seem to get my thoughts together. I miss her so much. Thankyou to all of you for your support and kind words over the last 2 years. 

xxx Great that your boss is so supportive of you too xx  Keep doing what you are doing xxx. All the best

Thankyou everyone for your lovely words. We are all here for the same reason because either you are personally going through this or have a loved one who is. 

It's such a tricky thing to deal with and despite everyone saying im being a great support for mum, it doesn't feel like I'm doing enough and i know that stems from my own insecurities and self beliefs about who i am as a person. 

I wasn't a great daughter to my mum for many years, especially as a teenager, i had my own mental health struggles and blamed her for alot of it, while being too young to understand she had her own trauma that affected her too. 

Thankfully we had a huge talk not long before the diagnosis and i told her everything about how i felt growing up and that i now realise that she had her limitations emotionally due to her upbringing. 

Long story short, weve hashed out all we need to, long before this journey started and im so glad we did, we arent overly affectionate or get talking about our feelings often but ive made sure I've said all the things i need to tell her and how I'm grateful for the knowledge, love and help she has given me over the years and i hope that kind of opens the door for her to be able to express whatever it is she needs to before she passes. I hope that when she does pass it is peaceful and she doesn't have any regrets. 

When we are young we idolise our parents and seem to forget they are people too, with flaws, they will make mistakes and my mum did the best she could with what she had and i will make sure she knows that. Im getting emotional writing this. 

I love her dearly and watching this terrible disease take a little piece of her every day has been very hard and for those of you who are experiencing this yourself, i know you want to protect your family from what you are going through but i promise you, all they want is to be there for you. 

Obviously i can't speak for everyone because the journey is a very personal one but thats just my two cents. 

I can also only offer my side of the story too as i don't know what my mum is feeling, i can get a little out of her here and there but i dont want to push her either, if she wants to talk about how she is feeling she will in her own time. 

I have recently had a fair amount of time off work also due to the news and I'm so very lucky i have a boss who has offered to have phone calls, coffee and has told me to reach out whenever i need her. She's been just incredible. 

Again another novel 🤣 thankyou for being a safe space for me to vent, share and for the lovely words. 

What a beautiful community you have here and i hope you are all doing well ❤ 

Please be kind to yourselves. 

It’s so wonderful of you to be so good to your mum @Formymum19. She appreciates it, that much is certain, even though she may not show it. It is sad that the chemo didn’t work 😢. I hope this holiday season is lovely for you both ♥️♥️

@Formymum19 what a wonderful daughter you are. I don't have a daughter but I do have a son. I cherish every moment with him and I am sure your mum cherishes you with her, helping her and being conscious of her needs.

 Cancer has taught me alot about being in the present moment and being grateful for those moments with the people I love and who love me too. You sound like you understand that from sharing the journey with your mum. 

This Christmas will be so very special for you. I love the sound of the garlic seafood and Baileys on ice. I am going to have seafood too and probably some champagne 🥂. 

Enjoy being with your special mum. She will love what you are doing. Sending you a virtual hug and much love x

@Formymum19 sending you a virtual hug.  I have a close relationship with my daughter as well and I cried reading your post.  You are being a wonderful support to your mum treasure the time you have. I hope she enjoys Xmas.  Lots of love xxxx

@Formymum19 it has been really helpful reading  back over your post from the start 
i started the metastatic part of my journey in November 2019
It has helped me understand her better by reading from your angle. I think I’ll stop brushing brushing off my children’s worries off now. One in particular has taken on the role you hav I have felt on occasion she could step back  as i feel its taking a mental toll on her. But she’s stubborn and your posts have opened my eyes. 
Prior to covid both my girls would come to my appointments. I have appreciated their help And probably don’t tell them enough.