How to cope

Hi akaye76​ , Thank you for sharing so honestly - receiving a metastatic diagnosis is incredibly overwhelming, and it’s completely normal to have days where staying positive feels out of reach. 'Coping' looks different for everyone, but many find it helps to just take things one day at a time and allow space for all feelings - both the hopeful and the hard ones. You don’t have to be positive all the time; giving yourself permission to feel what you feel is part of the journey. Some people lean on support groups, mindfulness, journaling, or connecting with others who truly understand. This community is here for you whenever you need to talk, or even help you make a game plan for any challenging conversations about metatastic breast cancer you feel you want to have with your children.

Sending you warmth and strength - you’re not alone in this, we are all stonger together - please reach out to the helpline if you need anything at all 💜

Hi Akaye76

Sad and upset for all you are going through, it's a tough gig even without multiple responsibilities and feeling for your children. I also was diagnosed in January with metastatic breast cancer (lungs, liver, breastbone) also ER+ HER-and one of my points of positivity is I was able to choose to retire in June and now have greater liberty.

I picked up on your goals (staying positive, living to see your children grown) these are both realistic in these times and a reason to fight is an excellent thing. It's also ok to feel sad, frustrated, discouraged, afraid, devastated, angry - every and all emotional reaction. This group is a good place for that. 

In coping with the diagnosis, I find that short term and medium term goals are helpful, like planning a meal out, at home 'spa' treatment (bubble bath and face mask),  mini holiday with my husband (half day trip with fish and chips) and/or soft drink and a donut with grandchildren and adult children. Sometimes a pot of herbal tea plus a good book and ignoring the bathroom that needs cleaning feels like a good option! Short term goals are getting together with friends for a phone call or coffee, baking biscuits, exercising by walking around the block and currently, trying at home resistance exercises to improve physical strength (I'm 68, so this is increasingly important). Having little 'dates' with my grandies (limited to activities within my energy limits) and reaching out to do something small for someone else also helps. Sometimes telling the young person who serves me at the supermarket thank you, with a small compliment, brings a smile.

I do understand that this is harder with a growing family and so many responsibilities, one of my positives is having time to choose. Saying "no" to non essential things in favor of doing nothing also feels like a treat!

It's early days for us, and the journey, while not for the fainthearted, is worth making and brings some positives at times. Please keep sharing, your message alone brought me comfort to know I'm not alone.

PS my long term goal is to see my youngest grand child enter high school - she's in Reception.

Hi akaye76​ ... some great advice there from Cath62​  xx.  

Consider joining the Mets private group here, where your conversations are totally private - and you are chatting with others who are metastatic and 'get it':
Group: Living with metastatic breast cancer | BCNA Online Network

If you find yourself feeling sad, give our helpline a call on 1800 500 258 for a one-on-one personal chat.  xx

Any cancer diagnosis is like a brick to the head .... and it takes time to 'come to terms with it' ..... and a Mets diagnosis really knocks the socks off you xx  But there are support groups where you can get together with others, to help support each other ...

Re your young daughter (and your other kids if under 25 for Canteen) - there are various organisations (like Canteen and Camp Quality) where they give kids (who's parent has cancer) the chance to meet up with other kids in the same boat & just have fun together - or help with counselling etc, if needed. 

Your hospital Social Worker should be able to point you to any local organisations who may also be able to help too. 
Your Breast Care Nurse may also be able to help you with relevant organisations, too. xx
https://www.canteen.org.au/how-we-help

https://www.campquality.org.au/

take care & all the best xx

Hi akaye76, I found the first 6 months the hardest. I saw a psycholigist and joined a support group for advanced cancer like me. Many have breast cancer mets. These women gave me hope. Many living beyond 7 years and for the most part, well.

I dont think any of this is easy. We all have our moments. I cope best if I stay present, just focus on the very moment. Looking back just gets you depressed and worrying about the future and what ifs only causes anxiety. 

This is a safe place to share and we all get it.