Forum Discussion
Depression over Mets
Hi Everyone, I'm new here and thought I would share my story. I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in November 2012. A lump was removed then 2 weeks later I went back in to get the lymph nodes removed. All went well with the op and all but then a year later another lump was discovered in the other breast so back into hospital to have that removed but no lymph nodes this time. All was going well until February last year when I started getting pain in my back muscles which felt like I'd been doing strenuous exercise and pulled the muscles. I went to have massages which didn't help and I also had injections of saline to relax the muscles which provided some relief but the pain would move from one part of my back to another at different times. I thought enough was enough so I went to have a blood test done and then got referred to my oncologist...then I knew something serious was wrong. She diagnosed mets in the liver and the bones. I was in total shock. I thought this can't be happening. So a few months later I started chemo and things were going well. I was responding well to the treatment, lost my hair, got a wig and I was coping. It's been a year since I stopped intravenous chemo and my hair is growing back nicely. I was on Xeloda for almost a year but was suffering with hand and foot syndrome and they were really red and peeling so the dr has now put me on Navelbine and things are looking up. My hands and feet are getting better and I've found that I can do most of the things I could do before. But lately I have been suffering with depression. I have been crying at all different times of the day. Thinking...... why me...is it going to come back.....how much more of this can I handle. It doesn't help that cat I had for seven years and that was companion since I was diagnosed died suddenly and that has made me oven more sad. Coming home and not having him greet me makes the house seem empty. I have the support of my family but sometimes that's not enough. My cat used to sleep with me on my bed as well. It might sound as if I'm whinging but sometimes you just have to get these things off your chest to make life seem a little easier to deal with. Has anyone else had these feelings of depression or am I the only loopy one???
44 Replies
- Hang in there lovey it. It can be a rough road but we get through it. I spent a few days booing on the couch too but I had my two Labradors and my cat and they helped heaps. The dogs forced me to get out of the house and exercise which I found really beneficial mentally. I live near the beach so you never get sick of walking on the beach. Try to exercise when you can even if you don't feel like it definitely helped me. I also had a lot of baths which helped me to relax. My daughter works at the body shop and she got me some bath milk to soak in and that made me feel better too. Definatejy get the kitty cat as soon as you can maybe we all can make suggestions for a name for it too
- Thanks for your support. I loved when my cat used to sleep on my bed it used to comfort me especially when he purred. I'll get though this soon I hope but until then it helps that I have so many people on here to lean on.
- Just want to give you a big virtual hug Marianne. You are not normal. I find myself crying on and off like everyone else we are dealing with so much and our bodies are battle weary. I hope you get a new furbaby soon. Sometimes at the end of a day I will cuddle with my puppies in their beds (yes, I litterally get in their beds in the cupboard, cuddling witht them,and it is the peaceful most relaxing time away from reality or any stress in that moment). Pets can really reduce our anxiety and stress. Not sure if anyone here has already suggested it, but it is always worth talking to your GP or specialist about anti-depressants. I have been on them for many years and I find it helps me a lot by taking the edge off and helping me cope better. Hang in there petal, we are all here to support you. xxx
- Thanks for ur support too. yes I was strong throughout the treatment but now that all seems to be better is when the depression hit and the loss of my cat really topped it off. I find myself in down days where I cry on and off thinking of my cat, whether the cancer will come back especially when I get new aches and pains and I think ' this is not me' but I suppose things will only get better with time. I will definitely get another cat in a few months maybe after xmas and new year is over.
- Hi there @Marianne63 - welcome to the online network.
Not the most ideal circumstances to join this forum - none of us really want to be a part of this club but I have found in the 5 weeks since joining there is so much support for everyone.
How you are feeling - no matter what your are feeling - is all OK !
A bit like the song "Four seasons in one day" sometimes I feel a tumult of different emotions and feelings in one day too !
The fact that you said you were so strong and brave initially is testament to the fact that you seem to have been "holding it together" perhaps ? That is exactly what I was doing. After the initial shock you just want to "get on with it". You fight to get through treatment and at the end of treatment it is a bizarre feeling of emptiness (as strange as it all seems).
My moment came about 9 months after diagnosis, treatment, and after we came back from a long awaited family holiday to Uluru. I felt like this was my carrot - I got to it and so "now what" ?
I am so sorry about your beloved cat - obviously you shared a special bond and that you got a lot of comfort from that,
I know that my dog has given me the same - she was on some sort of "hunger strike" when I was in hospital and knew that there was something wrong as I was not around for a few weeks. I think getting another cat is a great idea.
Glad that Jess from BCNA has given you some handy hints and contacts, especially for over the phone support.
I also asked my radiation oncologist to recommend somebody through the Cancer Centre as they work in conjunction with cancer patients and are acutely aware of our unique situation.
My best wishes to you Marianne xxx - Awww thanks for your story it touched my heart xx
- Hi Marianne, You've had so much to deal with. Each thing by itself is daunting let alone all together. I had a dog for 19 years that I had to have put down as her body was starting to fail her in a big way and I couldn't bear watching her in pain. The grief was huge and I never wanted another pet. I did however agree to look after my niece's little Australian terrier when she was travelling and despite my best attempts to remain neutral that little dog wormed its way into my heart with its incredible personality. It made me realise I was not being disloyal in any way shape or form to my own beloved dog I was simply opening my heart to a new pet and the happiness that pet gave me. Don't put off getting your new cat because you are grieving - that new cat is waiting to comfort and love you and it has your name written on its heart!!! Xx Cath
- You sound perfectly normal to me. Some pets are just special and we do grieve more over some than others. Count yourself fortunate you had one of those really special ones. They aren't all like that.
- @Marianne63 sorry to hear that you are feeling a bit down and depressed but hoping you are feeling better soon. I understand the grief of loosing a beloved pet and sometimes it's too much to deal with when you have other things going on in your life.
I used to work at RSPCA and their shelters often have wonderful loving affectionate cats looking for homes, especially at this time of year. If you are not too keen on a kitten, there are usually a lot of adult cats available for adoption that often getting overlooked for the cute playful kittens. I must admit, there were times were I fell in love with some adorable older animals there and it took all my strength not to bring them home with me (not to mention my husband would have killed me if I had :p ) and I would often be so exited when someone came an inquired about my favourite animals and wanted to adopt them. Good luck with everything and I hope you find a loving companion to comfort you on the next part of your journey xx
Rochelle - Thanks Jess. I have already ordered my hope & hurdles pack and look forward to receiving it. I shall look into the other services too. Thanks
