Forum Discussion
Acceptance
It has come to be in the past week that I need to accept decline.
I, once again am faced with a choice. To live in sadness at what is happening to me or cherish the moments I have.
The decline in my quality of life in a short time is difficult to accept. I have lived with this disease for 2 1/2 years with minimal, though annoying, disruption to usual programming. Now however, I have the constant companion that is the urge to cough. Along with her, is her friend fear and occasionally another friend - escalating emotions and thoughts surrounding impending death.
I have decided to retreat, to cocoon, to allow my body rest, to meditate, to love and care for my husband and children and save my energy for them, to be happy I have walked around the block (and not sad that it wasn't further), to cherish sitting in the Spring sunshine and the acute awareness of it's beauty. In doing this a couple of new friends appear - hope and gratefulness. While I am still here, there is hope. My symptoms do not always mean that my impending death is imminent but they do heighten my senses.
Yes, accepting decline is difficult but once again I have a choice. I choose to continue to live.
A x
18 Replies
Spend some well deserved peaceful time with your family Amanda. You are so strong and have been so courageous and determined through this fight. I hope that you get all the time in the world.
Sending cyber hugs,
Louise x
Hi A,
If only I was so eloquent, I am a little envious of your gift, but only for a short time. ( smile )
You have shared a lot with us, on this site, both happy, sad, and in between. I appreciate your words.
Having just returned from Alice Springs, Kings Canyon, Uluru, I see we are only on this earth for a very small moment in time. The future is uncertain for us all. Choosing to deal with reality, and choosing to not remain in fear, anger, sadness, regret, guilt is not always easy.
Time with those you love, is your priority now. TC of your loved ones. You have inspired me ..thank you.
sincerely, Kathy.
Thank you - I sometimes think my posts must make me sound braver than I am. They are just a snapshot in time - how I am feeling right then and there. I would hate to give anyone reading this in a similar situation to me the impression that I am not scared witless, angry, sad about what is happening. Right now for example, I'm sitting here finishing my photo albums - you know the ones I keep putting off, that are so bloody time consuming - and I am wondering if I can finish them in time because I need to sleep, I'm tired.
I've not given up. The light is dimmed though. I am finding it harder to see, harder to feel hope anymore.
A x
- My woes diminish when I read your posts. Thank you for sharing your thoughts so eloquently and thoughtfully.We have never met but I think of you often and your strength becomes my strength. So much love to you and your young family Xxxlouie
- Thank-you for your generosity in sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. You are so wise to choose to enjoy all that life can give. I hope that you can continue to have many more special times. Deanne xox
I concur with all the above, live your life at the speed and the way you want. Enjoy the things that are important to you and hold your family close.
Donna
- My heart cries for you Amanda. I admire you so much. Your honesty and your wisdom with everything you are facing is a lesson for us all. Like our fellow pink sisters are saying, live each moment in peace and harmony. Gather your family to you and enjoy each day. I'm sending you strength and love. You are beautiful. Love Janey xxx
