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RedRose77's avatar
RedRose77
Member
12 months ago

Work/grief/sadness

Hi all,

apologies if this has already been discussed but I couldn’t find anything elsewhere. 
I’m 46, had a right mastectomy (Diep flap) and left reduction in early December for stage 2 invasive lobular carcinoma. My recovery went really well, no pain whatsoever. I still have another procedure to alter the flap and then have nipple tattooing but have to wait until later in the year. Started on Tamoxifen in Jan.
I went back to work at the start of March and since then have felt the wheels come off a bit. I went back on reduced hours but in a different role to what I usually do (but just as busy!) 3 weeks in I was feeling overwhelmed and crying at the drop of a hat. This role was only to cover someone else and when I asked for more time on reduced hours/duties I was given yet another new role which is totally unfamiliar to me. Consequently I ended up leaving work early this morning as I was in tears. I think because my recovery went so well I hadn’t properly processed everything that had happened before (diagnosis to surgery was pretty quick). And work seems to have triggered a huge reaction that I didn’t expect. It feels like the reality of all this has hit all at once and I’m on a huge emotional rollercoaster. I am seeing a counsellor and she’s been amazing. Plus I’ve started acupuncture. 
I’m so used to be busy and I used to love it but at the moment, I just don’t have the capacity for it. Has anyone else had a similar experience? 

coping
emotions
tamoxifen
work

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  • arpie's avatar
    arpie
    Member
    12 months ago
    I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time of it @RedRose77 .... this bloody disease really mucks with our brains even more than our bodies (which is bad enough!), I reckon xx. It is a real emotional roller coaster.

    That is terrific that you are seeing a Counsellor - it will definitely help xx  Is there any way you can negotiate a break from work to 'find yourself' again? Or can you work from home, maybe on reduced duties?

    Have you checked out Charlotte Tottman's podcasts yet? She is a BC specialist Psychologist, who had a double mastectomy & stayed flat - who'd been 'counseling' patients for years - but only realised just HOW debilitating a BC diagnosis is, when she was diagnosed herself!  Start on No 13 (the first of the first series) then go back to No 1 - the first of the 2nd series. She is incredibly easy to listen to & relates to most things that we go thru too  xx
    https://soundcloud.com/bcna/what-you-dont-know-until-you-do-unlimited-episode-0-welcome-to-season-2

    Be kind to yourself, and take care xx Wishing you the best 
  • Blossom1961's avatar
    Blossom1961
    Member
    12 months ago
    @RedRose77 I can totally relate. I have done customer service all my life but after returning to work, the minute a customer walked in the door I fell apart, started shaking and took off. It took me twelve months before I could handle work again. A cancer diagnosis leaves us feeling completely betrayed by our body and we lose confidence doing what used to be natural to us. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to mentally heal.
  • Afraser's avatar
    Afraser
    Member
    12 months ago
    Good for you in choosing to see a counsellor. I didn’t have your experience but a cancer diagnosis can result in all sorts of reactions and sometimes delayed ones. Your brain and your emotions may be as affected as your body and sometimes unresolved issues from your ‘old’ life can present in new and unexpected ways. Keep with the counsellor and see all this as part of developing a new part of your life. Best wishes.