Forum Discussion

JoB's avatar
JoB
Member
5 years ago

Feeling a bit down

Hi, it's been a while since I last posted.  I was first diagnosed in Jan 2018, had a lumpectomy followed by 12 rounds of chemo followed by 25 rounds of radiation.  I was pushed into menopause and then last year had a double mastectomy.  All of this I think I managed relevantly well but just lately I have been struggling with sleeping, eating and just things in general.  The tiniest thing annoys me so much and this never happened before, I'm not sure if the current situation is to blame with not being able to socialize like we did previously and not being able to go out shopping when I feel like it, having to cancel weekends away etc, etc.  I couldn't tell you how many times during the night I wake up and then struggle to get back to sleep and if I have a glass of wine to help me relax this just makes sleeping 10 times worse.  Food..if I didn't have to eat it I wouldn't eat it.  I used to enjoy food but not anymore, I know I have to eat but I don't enjoy it and when I do eat I just walk, run or exercise more.  What annoys me the most is that I know there are people out there who are a lot worse off than me and I should be grateful for everything I have and not feel like I am feeling but how do I stop feeling like this??
coping
coronavirus
post-treatment
  • Cath62's avatar
    Cath62
    Member
    5 years ago
    Last night I woke at 3am. It is now 7.45 😀. I did some guided meditation which was relaxing but I didn't go back to sleep. Oh well...it was only one night. Tonight will be better.

    Emotionally this is a rollercoaster and I am coming to terms with that and giving myself permission to have a shit day and just then get in with it again. Just have to keep going really as what's the alternative. To help myself i am walking, maybe I will try an exercise group. I will eat healthy when I can but if I don't well I don't. I am about to start chemo so who knows how I will go.  I have been practicing meditation. Still learning and practicing but I think it helps. I also use an app called Delightful which reminds me at a certain time every day to be greatful for 3 things. It helps i think. I am trying to put tools in place to help me get through this. I have suffered depression in the past but I am not depressed now. Hopefully it stays that way.
  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    5 years ago
    Hi JoB, I loved that movie! It’s very inspirational to see how she made that incredible comeback.Those sort of movies and biographies really inspire me to stop feeling sorry for myself.
  • JoB's avatar
    JoB
    Member
    5 years ago
    Thank you all for your kind words.  I have been talking to my GP on the phone over the last couple of months and she has been helping me with various issues but she doesn't think I am depressed and I don't think I am either. I do need to be kinder to myself and I had a long hard talk to myself over the weekend.  I am going to make time for me and do more things for myself and try not to worry about silly little things which get to me.  I watched a wonderful film at the weekend called Ride Like a Girl, it was a fantastic film and I would highly recommend it, I will try and watch a good film every weekend now.  I also downloaded a few books and started to read one Saturday evening and struggled to put it down. 
    We go through so much on our BC journey, none of us choose to take this journey it is just thrown at us and we have to deal with it the best we can.  The best time for new beginnings is NOW xx     
  • Locksley's avatar
    Locksley
    Member
    5 years ago
    Hi @JoB, you've been through a lot in 2 years.  Welcome back to the forum.  I have only been here a short time and it really is a wonderful place.  Sorry about your cruise, they are really a fantastic holiday (we have had 2 cruises).   Our last cruise was in 2013.  We were hoping to have one later in 2020 then we both lost our jobs due to covid19 and I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer this is not the 2020 I was planning!  I like the suggestions from @shellshocked2018 crank up the music, sing and dance and watch a funny movie.  I have a couple of movies I plan on watching soon.   Be kind to yourself, sending hugs xxx
  • Shellshocked201's avatar
    Shellshocked201
    Member
    5 years ago
    Hi JoB, 
    I was diagnosed in October 2018 and finished treatment October 2019.
    Just started to get out and about again, doing hydrotherapy, seeing friends attending social activities, then Covid19 hit us all.
    I was basically self isolating all of 2018 due to treatment, and now again during Covid19.
    It sure is a challenge mentally as I had so much planned for this year to do things that I missed out on last year. Didn’t get to book my cruise after treatment as a present to myself, Just as well really...... with what has happened.
    Sleep, I’m with you there at the moment, I take one night at a time, I would sleep for 3 hours then be staring at the ceiling, or some nights I feel so tired and I’m still awake hours after getting into bed, I get up and watch tv at all hours of the night until I start falling asleep again then I go back to bed.I have spoken to my GP and she has given me something to help me sleep which has been a god send. I feel I can deal with so much more if I get a good night sleep.
    I agree with Afraser about speaking with your GP regarding how you are feeling.
    When I get down , I crank the music up, sing and dance, watch a funny movie.

    Be kind to yourself, your body has been through so much mentally and physically. XX
    Sending hugs xx

  • Silba's avatar
    Silba
    Member
    5 years ago
    Hi,

    I'm just pass my 2 year mark with MBC, had the usual rounds , chemo , double mast, radio, I personally found getting over the radio more difficult than anything else, I too was force into early menopause and will add a hip replacement on top (at 51)and now going through a change in medication.

    I talk to a psychologist every 4 weeks or so and she is a great help, the patience tanks rans low , the lack of sleep doesn't help but it could be your medication  menopause does it too , talk to your cancer nurse  there is stuff you can take short term to get your sleep pattern back, the mood swings I was cautioned about and I don't get angry ,I cry at the drop of a hat, ( commercials for" we''re all in this together ") wish they would take them off the air. Disney movies , forbidden in my house.

    But I agree with Lythe pick something to be grateful for each day and if you smile at least once a day that is a great thing, eat , cry , be mad , give yourself a break about processing all the crap you have been thru, when I am really down ,I go on here and read the friday funnies.

    Hang in there ......


  • Lythe's avatar
    Lythe
    Member
    5 years ago
    Hi, I'm not as far along the track as you but I can definitely relate to some of what you posted. I've had the onset of menopause a few months ago and it's made sleep so difficult and I'm so irritated by so many things around me which leads me to yell more than I ever have before. My psych suggested keeping a gratitude journal and writing in 5 things each day I am grateful for (there are good free apps online). I has helped with the anger (but not the sleep). It is such a hard time on top of having BC. Hang in there.xx
  • Beryl_C_'s avatar
    Beryl_C_
    Member
    5 years ago
    Hi @Job, I wish you could sit down with a few of the people who contribute to this support forum, maybe a cuppa or a glass of red/white. Have a box of tissues handy as you all share your experiences of the 'new normal' which nobody wanted - its tough. I agree with TonyaM regarding depression, it might help to ask your GP for something mild to help you sleep. I'm into my 9th year of on-going treatment and during that time I've spoken with counsellors to do what I call, 'A reality check'. Please stay in touch and continue to post, their are no judgements, you will be accepted for who are. When I was diagnosed in May 2011 I read every 'C' book in the local library and decided it was a waste of time except for one or two. By contrast this forum is GOLD! xxxxx Beryl
  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    5 years ago
    Hi @JoB, you’ve been through a lot in the last 2years and sometimes it’s not until we are over it all that we stop and process it -what the hell just happened to me! You have every right to feel whatever emotion and not feel guilty about it-be kind to yourself.
    Have you adjusted to the double mastectomy because that can take abit of getting used to. Menopause and anti hormone drugs can disturb your sleep for sure but couple that with lack of appetite and irritability makes me question if you could have depression? Perhaps check in with your GP? I know the virus isolation thing doesn’t help but there are still some shops open and friends/family to talk to.I’ve thrown myself into house renovations and home hobbies(art and sewing)
    It took me about 2yrs after diagnosis to feel abit’normal’again and even now(10yrs on)I still get anxious around checkup time or if I get new aches n pains.I just give myself permission to have those feelings now as I know it will pass.Take care.xx

  • Afraser's avatar
    Afraser
    Member
    5 years ago
    Dear@JoB
    The current situation would try the patience and optimism of anyone. It’s scarcely surprising that your reservoir of positivity has run pretty dry. Just at the time you should be reclaiming the things that matter in your life, a lot of them have either vanished or are no longer pleasurable, because of Coronavirus worries. The fact that ‘we are all in this together’ (that phrase can grate quite a bit!) or that others are worse off can’t really relieve your blues. Exercise usually assists so keep it up. Have you sensible people around you to talk to about how you are feeling? Acknowledging that your feelings have finally caught up (under abnormal pressure) with what your body has been going through can be hard but it’s also very normal. Socialising and activity can keep
    those feelings at bay, but now that option is significantly reduced. Talking to a stranger can be remarkably beneficial - your GP can help with referral to a counsellor with experience in this very common outcome in the post cancer world and how to build back your enthusiasm for life. Take care.