hi debbie, you have been through so much since sept 2010. ( only a year has passed )
i was 42 in 1998, and had a lumpectomy and axillary clearance, followed by chemotherapy, then radiation, and instant, severe menopause.
i had another lumpectomy on the other side a few years later, 2003, with a sentinel node biopsy and more radiation, but no chemo or arimadex. ( i felt the first chemo was strong enough on my body, so i declined it. )
i found the lumps both times. now i have yearly double mammograms and ultrasounds. so far so good.
i have aches and pains and odd shaped breasts.( one is a bit hollow at the top, the other is pulled over at the side, but they are level and smaller. ) i was a 12 C.. i am now about a 14 B size. i have two, number one gel prosthesis, i can wear in my bras, but i also use a T shirt slighlty padded bra mostly.
i admit it took some getting used to; the whole experience and changes, etc. i did have a rough few years.
the breast was smaller on one side and bigger on the other, plus hanging down, and it did feel odd, and look odd to me. i became divorced and had some years of soul searching and reaching the point i am at today. i think you can go through a natural grieving process.. SHOCK, ANGER, DENIAL, BARGAINING, SADNESS, and now have come to ACCEPTANCE.
i met a nice friend about two years ago almost, and he thinks i have" great boobs". they are a bit numb and my libido is not what it was and i have vaginal dryness. he is older than me, so we sort of balance out, LOL. i just plod on each day.. like a car in second gear, third if i am lucky. perhaps once a year, 4th.... forget 5th ! i also do some volunteering and have met some lovely people through that, and the BC experience.
i do feel my body is ageing quickly now.. but i am grateful to have come this far...touch wood. one day we will leave this world, or our bodies as they are now. today is important... try and find some calm each day. maybe try yoga, or tai chi..??
at the time i went through a grief/ loss reaction, i think triggered by the hormone reduction and dealing with everything. i take a low dose antidepressant which helps with flushes and some pain/ discomfort perceptions, so i do not feel irritable and agitated and in more pain.
you have been through a lot in the last 12 months. it does take time to adjust, more so with some than others. we all have individual responses, but we also have similar experiences too. take time to reflect and adjust to the new you.
i also had misgivings about the lumpectomy at the time. i felt i was sort of told, this is what we will do, and i felt out of control.. cos you go into shock and denial.. is this really happening to me..??
radiation did effect the skin in my breast. the nipple went lighter coloured, but they have settled down too over time. i had some scanning laser that helped with some discomfort and slight swelling, in the chest area and back region.
i pinch myself how far i have come; how my children have grown, and how i now try and live each day, and not worry too far ahead ( not that i can remember too much these days ! LOL ).
i do have some legacies from the BC experience ( pain/ discomfort, less energy, tingling in fingers, heaviness in right leg, slowed thinking, concentration, cognitive changes, some swelling, and worse if i rush.) some days it does not worry me; at others i can get a bit emotional about it all. then i say.. it could be worse, there are many worse off than me. having a laugh also helps a lot, when you can.
i try and look after my health, and give back a bit to the community. we are not perfect... i go walking, breathe fresh air, eat good food etc. i now have ageing to keep an eye on with.. higher cholesterol, bone density, kidney function, blood pressure, etc.......LOL.
i hope you have a good medical person you can relate to with questions, plus on this site as well. i too had many questions and wanted answers.
regarding evening primrose oil, well.. my mother always said...everything, or most things, in moderation.
keep searching and i hope you find some answers. kathy. OOXX
