body pain after chemo

Its true...you are the HUB and the world revolves around you. I think the whole point is that I learned through this whole thing is. Its not selfish to put you first, or say NO. Being a single parent and working and little support its been a tough road and I had to work....but I was so ill through Chemo I lost 3 months and nothing I could do about it. The irony was...the minute I stopped and said Oh Well bad luck...it allowed me to finally put focus on me. Yes I still had massive responsibilities with my children and one in VCE, but I started nurturing me, something I had never done before. Because we always come LAST!!! I do not put work above myself anymore...its only work...things work out and have to enable me to balance financially. I now have limits on what I will and wont do and I dont apologize anymore. Im such a giving person, would do anything for anyone. But its now ME first then you...I cannot express enough how much happier the entire family is, and especially me. Im talking the little things, steal that cup of tea for 20mins in the sun. Listen to your favourite songs, go for that walk. The tiniest things soothe my soul and help me heal and make me a better Mum.
Hugs Melinda xo

Hi Vinn, I also think that as women we are automatically considered the rock of the family and therefore suffer guilt from not being super heroines throughout our treatment and afterwards. We truly need to be able to ease up on ourselves, lower our expectations, sure set ourselves the goals to get back to in our lives,  but be as gentle on ourselves as we would if it was another member of our family who was unwell. Wishing you all the best Xx Cath

what wonderful advice you have just given Nadi, You are describing just how I feel at the moment. I will look into the diet as well.

thanks guys, The pain last nite was killing me. I've woken up this morning not feeling like going to work. I have to drop the kids one to a friends and the other to holiday care then off to Radiation and then I have a split shift of 10 hours today. I have been to hell and back through my life, Had a car accident 21 years ago that left me in a wheel chair on and off for 18 months. Lost a heap of blood and nearly died. I survived that. And believe me that was hell. I was so fit then as well and it knocked me off my feet for years. Yes, we all hang in there and we are thrown stuff to test us, but why?
I know I need to stop procrastinating and get off my butt and stick to my healthy diet and cut out the sugar (when feeling like crap I eat crap food) exercise more (well what my body can handle).
:( :)

Hi Vinn, I so understand what you are feeling and I am sorry you have to go through this. What you describe is exactly what I was feeling a few months ago in a post I wrote called Treatment is over. Where did normal me go? Being treated for cancer is so overwhelming both physically and mentally. At that time I wrote that post I was just so drained of energy, I felt that I had so much on my shoulders and I was overwhelmed with everything that I wanted to scream "ENOUGH ALREADY". I also wanted to punch out anybody who said "oh you are looking so great" when all I was feeling was crap. Being in constant pain made everything difficult. But most of all I felt that I was failing. I had an expectation that I should've been back to normal after surgery, chemo and radiation had finished and I just wasn't. I kept saying to myself, "what the hell is wrong with me?" It is only now, a few months down the track that I realise that nothing was wrong with me and what I was feeling was totally normal.

When I felt like that,  I knew I had to reach out for help in order to cope. I think I said at the time that if someone told me eating monkey testicles would help me feel better than I would do it! I was that desperate for things to change and would try anything. Anyway, the first thing I did was to ring the cancer council to arrange some counselling. I started light exercise. Then I joined a cancer rehabilitation program at a uni gym. I saw a psychologist that specialises in cancer patients, patients with chronic fatigue and patients that require pain management as well as a wonderful psychiatrist that specialises in women with breast cancer even though I was not depressed.  The psychiatrist was part of the cancer centre I was attending. Before I even spoke the psychiatrist said to me 'let me tell you how I think you may be feeling..." and then proceeded to describe exactly what I was going through. She was the first doctor that I saw that actually 'got it'. She reassured me that 95% of her patients report feeling the same as I did after treatment and then she promised me that things do get better - they just take time.  I thought a psychiatrist would put me on medication which was a fear of mine, but she didn't as I wasn't depressed and yet I am still getting better. 

But I did have to stop working in order to concentrate on myself. Best thing I ever did. Before, I felt as if I was hanging on by my finger tips. Now I don't. Just like during chemo I am taking it one day at a time. There's the physical we have to deal with but also the emotional/psychological. I now know I need to have heaps of rest in order to deal with both. So hang in there I promise you things WILL get better and remember you are not alone. We are here with you and we 'get it'.

There are many anti inflammatory diets on the web. Just google anti inflammatory diets. They will tell you what foods not to eat (like anything acidic such as tomatoes and citrus). My diet is something I developed with my GP who is a beast cancer survivor herself.  I also use the calorie and exercise tracker available when you register online with Optislim to keep track of what I eat and my activity which I find to be great. 

I am also reading a great book which is called  The Cancer Survivor's Companion: Practical Ways to Cope with Your Feelings After Cancer.  You can order it through Amazon to read online or purchase a hard copy through Fishpond.com.au which is the cheapest hard copy option I found. I have both an electronic copy as well as a hard copy. It is such a great book as it describes the mental trauma cancer patients go through and provides tips to help cope. 

Sending heaps of hugs, Nadine

Vinn,
Your post actually reduced me to tears, I hear and feel your pain, because its mine too. The Psychologist is a great start! Its just so complex and nobody understands that unless you go through it. Hang in there, and keep talking, we're all listening. Even when we have no clue how things can get better or improve, I believe in my heart they do...every day I find a small reason amongst the pain and heartache...that I am grateful for small things. Thats all that gets me through right now...its a tough gig!!! but I believe only the strong get thrown into this roller coaster. Its not selfish, Ive come to learn your kids are not right if you aren't?? youre their hub?? right? BUT...you have to be right first and Ive learnt putting me first sometimes is teaching my kids self care and that Im important too...dont beat yourself up over that. Youre actually doing the best you can! So one step at a time...I promise you things will improve. xo
Melinda 

thanks guys for your support. Tonite I am feeling so totally useless like I should just disappear. I rode my bike for an hour tonite just to feel normal for one hour and forget about having cancer. Got off the bike and hardly had the strength to get it off the wind trainer. So damn frustrating when I was so fit before. My head is just not in the right space. I'm sitting here typing feeling like I am on fire (thanks to be pushed into menopause by the chemo). I am sick and tired of being stressed, tense and agitated all the time. I hate my kids seeing me like this. It is like I just want to be in this pit but at the same time I don't want to be in it and while in it, I have everyone throwing things at me, loading me up with more and more to deal with.
Yes and I too am at the stage where the chemo is over, the operations are over and I look ok, which to everyone means I am fine. In fact I have everyone telling me how good I look for someone that has been through chemo, well I should as I have been downing over 20 pills a day from my natropath to support my body and detox it while going through treatment. The pills are helping me physically but not emotionally and there is only so much vitamins, minerals and detox stuff can do when it is up against  powerful drugs such as chemo and radiation.
I could go on but I am sure you all know where I am coming from. I will hang in there as I have 2 kids 2 cats and a rabbit that need me. If it was not for them, I don't know!!!
Yes I agree it will get better and that's why I too am hanging in by a thread. I do need to focus on me but I feel selfish doing so as I should be handling this and I am disappointed in myself for not handling this situation better. I feel like I totally screwed up having breast cancer.
I am seeing a psychologist who is good to talk to, to get things off my chest.

Vinn,

Ive had Breast Cancer twice in 4yrs, Im now 9 months from Chemo this diagnosis. I wanted to acknowledge you, how you feel and what you are saying. I can totally relate, I also had very little support both times and am a single parent of 2 beautiful teenage kids lol. I work with Autistic children also which is highly demanding, but am only doing 3 days a week even now. Through Chemo I honestly felt like I was in the depths of hell, there were some very dark times. Once recovering, everyone assumes you are back to normal and quickly and don't GET IT!!! It is completely frustrating and no amount of explaining helps so I dont bother anymore. I learnt a massive lesson through it all, I put me first, above work and above everyone. I used to break my back running the home, being the only parent. Whilst through chemo last year I also had one in VCE, she was diagnosed with depression the year before so it was such a hard year, but we both did it! I have NO idea how the hell we got through...but I do know this. Its not about anyone else, I too had people say I must do treatment whatever that entails for my kids and everyone else. I say this to you, as this is what I said in fury at them...If I cannot do this for me, I cannot do it for anyone else. Me first above everyone else and that is NOT selfish! You are a human being in your own right, besides being a Mum, a wife, a sister, whatever that is. You are YOU!!! Nobody can tell you what decisions to make and how you should handle this entire nightmare. This is YOUR journey, and we all handle things very differently. We go through every emotion possible and its cruel, absolutely. It has nothing to do with being positive by the way...it only matters you as an individual that you honor YOU and handle it all the way YOU choose to. 
So Im sending you the biggest cuddle to say I GET IT!! 
Melinda xoxoxo