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Hi all

Unfortunately I didn't get quite the results I wanted.  Cancer was found in the lymph node so I have to go back for more sugery which the docs want to happen before Christmas.

So my plans of being well for Christmas and cooking my wonderful family a Christmas lunch may well be over.

On the bright side the CT and bone scans have come back clear which is a relief. 

So might be a different Christmas this year but next year WATCH OUT!!!!!  :)

Hi Nea.  it might be easier if you make a blog/post on your home page and people can reply like i do . We are running out of room on here.   Cheers Joxx

Jane, you wrote a powerfully positive message - thanks for that.  You've given me hope.  I have to go back for more surgery next Tuesday bec they found cancer in one of the l/nodes.  Pretty shitty but you gotta do what you gotta do.

I said to my brother yesty that I can't mope around, I need the energy to get better.  Unbeknown to me, my son was listening and has posted my comment as his current status.  Sometimes we don't know how our comments and behaviour are affecting others.  One of the bright lights in the journey.  Denise.

Hi Jo, reading the tail end of your message makes me think how much we become experts in cancer.  Talking about grades, sizes, etc.  The 'so weirdness' of it all continues to astound me.  I got my pathology results and it was a mixed bag - he got all the breast cancer with a clear margin but it is hormone receptive so I'll have anti-ostrogens as part of my treatment.  Unfortunately, there was cancer in one of the 5 nodes so I'm having more surgery next Tuesday afternoon. What a bitch!  He says I'll feel more pain this surgery than I did in the previous - oh, joy!  My cancer is lobula, 2.5cm in breast and 4.5mm in node.  I've moved up a grade to Stage 2A - I guess because it has gone into the l/node.

When I got the news on Wed. night, I decided I couldn't handle doing a ring-around to tell family and friends so, just now, I've sent out an email.  Seemed like reasonable thing to do, especially as a friend of mine who had testicular cancer last year, used the same communication system - if it's good enough for him, it's good enough for me!

Dad died from pancreatic cancer in 2007, my sister started out with bowel cancer, 7 years later she died.  Very aggressive.  I never realised until now what she really must have gone through.  She was married but no kids.  She must have done it so tough.  Makes me love her even more.

Dignity? What's that?  All fear of showing myself has gone out the window so quickly.  My surgeon is beautiful.  Yesterday when I saw him, he wanted to see my wound so I got my top half off and laid down.  He had a quick look and as he continued to talk to me, he gently pick up my shirt and placed it across my breast to cover me up.  So sweet, so gentle, so caring.  I keep joking with my hubby that I'm gonna marry my surgeon!!!  My surgeon's wife had b/cancer I think about 10 years ago so maybe he learned so much himself.  Maybe he was always so beautiful a human being.  I read in literature somewhere that a woman made a quick decision about a surgeon at the begining of her treatment and ended up changing surgeons.  I can't imagine that happening.  I even checked with him yesty to make sure he's not retiring anytime soon!!!

So, Jo, what happens now in your journey?  You wrote that radiotherapy has finished - yippee!  Does it get easier?  I've got no idea when I'll go back to work, how much sick leave I've got owing, etc.  Plays on my mind a little. 

Well, I should go back to bed - its 3.15am over here.  I did too much yesty and I woke up feeling really sore.  Panadol has kicked in now - thank God for drugs, hey!  I read in the latest 'Beacon' that they've made headway in costs of receiving chemo drugs.  That's good news.

Thanks for your contact - it's been terrific. Talk to you 2moz, Nea

Hi Nea,Yes i understand how you feel with some of the posts, i often have a cry reading them. This is a really emotional time and i think everyone changes forever after this experience. Nea, that waiting period is so painful isnt it. 

Despite the outcome of your results today you are in the hands of people who know what they are doing and  the medical world has come so far. Once the results are through you will be given your treatment plan. You probably will still feel very anxious until it begins. These are normal feelings you will experience throughout your journey.

I never thought i would travel this journey either. To me it felt like someone had thrown a bomb at me and i was going to die. I was so scared of loosing my boobs and  hair and becoming sick . To me my dignity had been ripped away from me. It is a very scary disease indeed.  Thankfully the benefits of having chemo did not out way the other so i luckily escaped the dreaded chemo trip and had radiation and drugs instead..

I have  found people don't know how or what to say to cancer patients. Most people think of it as  mortality. I did. Your friend probably didn't mean it the way it came out. She probably just wanted you to know she was there for you.  Your mum would have the same problem as she has never had cancer her self . She would however be experiencing such a burden with you now been diagnosed too. It would be hard on her  but totally different from what you are experiencing.  Nea i am from Perth  and i have just finished radiation last week. I had a 2cm grade 2 invasive tumor with clear margins. Diagnosed in July 2011.  What type ,grade and size  cancer have you got ? What did your dad and sister have. If you haven't already received your results i really do wish you well. Good luck Nea, talk soon. Cheers Jo xx

Hi Jo,

I didn't think I'd go back on this website as I was finding some of the entries too emotional for me.  Alas, the Lord has decided otherwise, that I need to talk to people like you. SO thanks for your message. 

I had a friend express her sadness for me on Monday morning, and then promptly tell me that I should have told her.  She said, "I thought we were friends.  Don't friends share their burdens?"  So bloody self-centred!  I suppose I'm pretty self-centred myself at the moment!!!

I'm waiting today for my pathology results.  It's lunchtime and still no call from my surgeon.  Everytime the phone rings, my heart misses a beat.  I'm trying to be positive but sometimes I don't even know what that means or how to do it.  If I'm too positive, I'll have further to fall!

So, no idea of treatment yet ... hopefully only radiotherapy.  Gosh, this seems like such a bad dream.  To be talking about cancer treatments .... talking about ME having cancer treatments.  That was my sister's journey, and my dad's.  It was never going to be mine.  Alas, here I am.  My mum reckons she's got the worse end of the stick to me bec. she's my mum!  I decided better off not to respond to that one!

Jo, where are you from? I'm in Melbourne.  And what stage of the journey are you?

Nea.

Nea,  you are so right none of this makes any sense at all.   I also was on the Internet  all hours of the day/night. It became my best friend during the early days after being diagnosed.  It is very hard with family and friends,  especially when you know they are only trying to help in their own way. Maybe a few white lies need to be said so you can gain some rest time. Maybe saying you need to go out at a certain time  so they leave?   Isnt it strange when the role is reversed,  I  have  aways been the one to patch up the wounded and carry everyone. 

It is so hard for siblings/family to comprehend what is really happening. They have that look of worry and   uncertainty in their eyes. I involved my 3 children and ask my daughter to  sit in on the biopsy and all other appointments which gave her a better understanding.I explained in detail every step of the way to all my kids.

I hope you are feeling better soon (from the operation), and do you know yet what your treatment plan is ?. Cheers Jo xx