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Hi Jo, reading the tail end of your message makes me think how much we become experts in cancer.  Talking about grades, sizes, etc.  The 'so weirdness' of it all continues to astound me.  I got my pathology results and it was a mixed bag - he got all the breast cancer with a clear margin but it is hormone receptive so I'll have anti-ostrogens as part of my treatment.  Unfortunately, there was cancer in one of the 5 nodes so I'm having more surgery next Tuesday afternoon. What a bitch!  He says I'll feel more pain this surgery than I did in the previous - oh, joy!  My cancer is lobula, 2.5cm in breast and 4.5mm in node.  I've moved up a grade to Stage 2A - I guess because it has gone into the l/node.

When I got the news on Wed. night, I decided I couldn't handle doing a ring-around to tell family and friends so, just now, I've sent out an email.  Seemed like reasonable thing to do, especially as a friend of mine who had testicular cancer last year, used the same communication system - if it's good enough for him, it's good enough for me!

Dad died from pancreatic cancer in 2007, my sister started out with bowel cancer, 7 years later she died.  Very aggressive.  I never realised until now what she really must have gone through.  She was married but no kids.  She must have done it so tough.  Makes me love her even more.

Dignity? What's that?  All fear of showing myself has gone out the window so quickly.  My surgeon is beautiful.  Yesterday when I saw him, he wanted to see my wound so I got my top half off and laid down.  He had a quick look and as he continued to talk to me, he gently pick up my shirt and placed it across my breast to cover me up.  So sweet, so gentle, so caring.  I keep joking with my hubby that I'm gonna marry my surgeon!!!  My surgeon's wife had b/cancer I think about 10 years ago so maybe he learned so much himself.  Maybe he was always so beautiful a human being.  I read in literature somewhere that a woman made a quick decision about a surgeon at the begining of her treatment and ended up changing surgeons.  I can't imagine that happening.  I even checked with him yesty to make sure he's not retiring anytime soon!!!

So, Jo, what happens now in your journey?  You wrote that radiotherapy has finished - yippee!  Does it get easier?  I've got no idea when I'll go back to work, how much sick leave I've got owing, etc.  Plays on my mind a little. 

Well, I should go back to bed - its 3.15am over here.  I did too much yesty and I woke up feeling really sore.  Panadol has kicked in now - thank God for drugs, hey!  I read in the latest 'Beacon' that they've made headway in costs of receiving chemo drugs.  That's good news.

Thanks for your contact - it's been terrific. Talk to you 2moz, Nea