Hi everyone! It’s lovely to meet you all despite this being the location.I was officially diagnosed on Tuesday but I’ve suspected it was breast cancer for over a week since the mood at my biopsy seemed urgent (and extremely sympathetic).I’m 34 years old and first time mum to an awesome little 11 month old boy. I’ve been struggling being the default parent because of the surprisingly small amount of help my partner offers. I thought we’d be more of a team but I let him get away with doing the bare minimum early on and now it’s slipped into a pattern that isn’t sustainable. I struggle with resenting him and it’s definitely affecting our relationship. I feel especially snappy and reactive now.This diagnosis is extra troubling as I have almost lost all faith in him stepping up more. How did others navigate their parenthood and relationship/marriage challenges while dealing with their cancer journey?

https://www.bcna.org.au/understanding-breast-cancer/talking-to-family-and-friends/information-for-partners/From the website- may help!It's certainly a so and so being in this predicament. Having your partner come along to appointments may shake him into this is really happening Your medical team/hospital as well as BCNA Helpline have resources to helpAsk about a Counsellor as coping strategies will help https://www.bcna.org.au/health-wellbeing/emotional-wellbeing/

Hi @Leeloo_XS I am in a different situation to you - currently 65 and 62 on diagnosis with a hubby of 32 years.My hubby was my absolute rock through the whole thing and continues to be so.I saw a psychologist specialising in cancer related distress early on and that helped.Hard to know what advice to give to others - it’s a time where you really need those who love you to step up but some fail the test for a variety of reasons.The main advice is this is a time where you have to focus on you - the physical and emotional toll of a breast cancer diagnosis are tough .Take care and sending virtual hugs.😊

Hello from Perth too. You seem to have insight into how these unequal patterns can become embedded…you will need the partner here to step up. You don’t say what your diagnosis or treatment will entail but with a baby you are going to need to make it really clear to your partner about what you are going to need. Others recommend counselling…I think including your partner in all medical appointments is essential ❤️❤️

Hi @Leeloo_XS,You are at the scary,anxious stage where you are waiting for results and a plan to be put in place.The waiting is awful.I’ve been through this crap bc experience twice.It’s now been 20yrs for me and I seem to be ok- most women will be.As for your partner, leave your son with him for an entire day so he knows how to look after him and also has insight to how full on it can be. Now is the time to get his help with at least one chore- this will become routine and he won’t even realize it! Back in 2007,I broke my ankle and my husband had to bring me breakfast in bed- he’s still doing it! I find a written list can work with men rather than expecting them to mind read what we want done.Just start with a few things on the list. I understand the resentment- I felt it at times when my kids were little and my husband’s life went on as usual.Gather a tribe around you now because you’ll need lots of help. Coming here to ask questions and vent will help for sure.How did the PET scan go?

Hi @Leeloo_XS Totally agree with comment above about doing a list for hubby.My hubby was retired when I was diagnosed at age 62 but needed “direction “ 😊I feel for you with a young child but we have to deal with the cards we are dealt.I learnt to accept help that was offered and to say “ no” more often.The physical and emotional toll this takes is often under estimated and if you don’t look after yourself who will?Take care🌺

New mum struggles just got more challenging

Julez1958
Member
2 years ago
Hi @Leeloo_XS
Totally agree with comment above about doing a list for hubby.
My hubby was retired when I was diagnosed at age 62 but needed “direction “ 😊
I feel for you with a young child but we have to deal with the cards we are dealt.
I learnt to accept help that was offered and to say “ no” more often.
The physical and emotional toll this takes is often under estimated and if you don’t look after yourself who will?
Take care🌺
PrisMay1
Member
2 years ago
I agree with others about a list for partners! My husband manages really well with lists and a whiteboard- I kid you not! We’re retired now and this is my second time around. Men fall into the fix it role well but some need guidance! I wish you well.
TJ_77
Member
2 years ago
Hi there,
I read your post with such sadness knowing that you're here too, so i wanted to reach out.
I'm also a first time mum, i got my diagnosis in July, just two days prior to my little ones first birthday, so our bubs are a similar age, and it sucks (well i would use stronger words, but...). I'm having a mastectomy in October, so have been spending the last few weeks weaning fun times!
Prior to getting the news i was already struggling with motherhood, especially the invisible load, and found a lot of help in a podcast series https://www.momwell.com/category/invisible-load https://www.momwell.com/blog/carrying-the-mental-load-how-to-redistribute-the-burden-and-give-moms-more-freedom
Throwing a new cancer diagnosis & treatment on top of that is enough to throw anyone over the edge so i do hope you've managed to find a good support team.
I ended up just sending links to my husband of episodes i wanted him to hear, including the BCNA Ep 10 Stuart Diver's one
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2TknNUcxvW4Y7xaU6WPy3A
Please know I'm standing by your side on this one <3

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