Hi allI was diagnosed with Early BC on 1 Aug and had my surgery last Friday 11 Aug. Am home now feeling sore, tired and still overwhelmed. Most of all I feel guilty that I can't look after my family and do my job. I know I need help but I just don't have ability to ask for it. I don't know whether what I'm doing is right. Do I stay in my PJs and hop into bed whenever I want? Do I start exercising? should I exercise? Should I walk the 100 metres to cafe where my girlfriends want to have coffee with me? Is it ok to cry? How long before pathology and lymph node biopsy results come back? When do I get my surgeon to fill out certificate for income protection insurer (which I've been paying for 10 years and never used)? Should I be hassling him about it now or wait till post op appointment which not for another 10 days? I am educated, highly qualified with 5 children (one doing year 12 - It's shit timing!) and these questions sound so ridiculous now that I have written them down. I should know how to be!!! Surely!!!! I have always been the doer, never asked for help and now afraid that if I do I will be seen as weak. I hope no one is offended by the language but this is just "f...d"!!!!! I don't want to be that person and it really angers me that I may have to be. I know as a minimum I will need radiotherapy and hormone suppressant therapy (the latter scares me more) and all else depends on path and biopsy results. Is it possible I am still in shock and denial?

@Dessi No question is silly on here. Getting diagnosed with cancer is a huge shock to the system, mentally and physically. It has only been two weeks since you were diagnosed so of course you are confused and probably feeling a bit lost. What do you feel like doing? Going out for coffee will help you feel a bit more normal, but only if you feel up to it. Getting out for a walk in the fresh air will help clear your head. Have a cry, a big long one. Do you have a breast care nurse? Ring her just for a chat. Ring the BCNA helpline just for a chat. They understand and will be able to help you navigate your way through this situation. Biopsy results take about fourteen days. I would be asking about a certificate for your income protection and get things started.Mostly, look after you. Stop the guilt thing. You are worth more than that. Life has changed. Be gentle on yourself.Sending a big hug xxx

Welcome to the blog @Lozz - sorry to see that you've also joined us here! Maybe copy your post & also post it as 'its own thread' .... so people can respond to your post 'in kind' ..... and DEFINITELY check out Charlotte Tottman's podcasts .... she's 'been there, done that', so knows exactly what we've been thru.Please ring our helpline (Mon-Fri) on 1800 500 258 if you feel overwhelmed ... or as your Breast Care Nurse to arrange some counselling for you ...... You may need a break from work, for you own health benefit .... see how you go - if a trusted few know about your diagnosis, it will definitely relieve some of the anxiety you may be feeling. Some work thru, others have a break .... it all depends on what mix you have & the side effects. xx. take care & all the best with your chemo, and look after YOU just now ..... Put yourself FIRST - you will not regret it later on xx

Hi @Lozz Totally relate to the random crying thingFor about 4 weeks after my diagnosis I cried at completely random times and places ( luckily I was able to take time off work).Like at the checkout in the supermarket.And I am not normally a cry baby.I did have a couple of sessions with a psychologist who specialized in cancer related distress and one of the best things she said to me was “ it’s ok to cry”.As time has gone by the crying is a lot less but things can trigger it ( I never noticed how many “ cancer breakthrough” stories appeared on tv until I found myself in “ the club”).Things will get better .🌺

@gingin yes I did have lymph nodes removed - not sure whether sentinel node plus 1 or 2 others but all clear. Thank you everyone - celebrations this weekend - daughters grand final football - hopefully can make it a double celebration !!

Hi, I was diagnosed in February, surgery in March, then had radiotherapy in April.I started Letrozole in May and I have had no side effects, so don't worry about may having to start Aromatase inhibitors.More often than not people post about side effects rather than none because they're looking for suggestions to handle them.

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24 Replies

Tarma
Member
2 years ago
@Dessi Biiiigg Cuuddddle 🤗 4 u ..
Blossom1961
Member
2 years ago
@Dessi No question is silly on here. Getting diagnosed with cancer is a huge shock to the system, mentally and physically. It has only been two weeks since you were diagnosed so of course you are confused and probably feeling a bit lost. What do you feel like doing? Going out for coffee will help you feel a bit more normal, but only if you feel up to it. Getting out for a walk in the fresh air will help clear your head. Have a cry, a big long one. Do you have a breast care nurse? Ring her just for a chat. Ring the BCNA helpline just for a chat. They understand and will be able to help you navigate your way through this situation. Biopsy results take about fourteen days. I would be asking about a certificate for your income protection and get things started.

Mostly, look after you. Stop the guilt thing. You are worth more than that. Life has changed. Be gentle on yourself.

Sending a big hug xxx
Julez1958
Member
2 years ago
Hi @Dessi
Yes it’s all a whirlwind and it takes time to adjust .
Given your diagnosis was only 1 August you would very definately still be in the shock/ “how can this be happening to me? “ stage .
I liken the whole thing to be a bit like when a loved one dies as you are grieving for your formerly bulletproof self.
This is a time to look after yourself both physically and emotionally and be a bit selfish I was lucky that I was 62 on diagnosis , semi retired with a retired hubby and no dependants.
I stayed in my pyjamas quite a bit after my surgeries ( mastectomy and then later after recovering from radiotherapy , DIEP flap reconstruction) and if the doorbell rang I’d just say “ sorry about the PJs I just had surgery”.
I told people I wasn’t ready for visitors but phone calls and texts were appreciated.
I used my hubby to sone extent as gatekeeper.
This website and forum is a wealth of information , it took me a while to work my way all around it.
I thoroughly recommend the podcasts by Dr Charlotte Tottman on here “ What you don’t know until you do” - she is a clinical psychologist specialising in cancer related distress who herself got breast cancer.
There is also a blog and book by a UK breast cancer surgeon Dr Liz O’Riordan who got breast cancer I found very helpful.
And you can post anything on here , we all “ get it” in a way people who have not faced this diagnosis never really can .
Take care 🌺
arpie
Member
2 years ago
I am SO Sorry to see you join our select little group, @Dessi xx. It sounds like you have been a very strong woman looking after your family over the years, but right now, I think you need a bit of space - as you need to look after YOU in the next few months til you get a handle on this xx.

Just the anaesthetic will make you feel sleepy & 'off' for a while as well as 'foggy memory' - so stay in your PJs for a while & sleep it off - you'll know when you are ready to 'dress up' and go out! You are still VERY early in your recovery journey - and rest is a major part of it. If you want to catch up with your girlfriends for a coffee - get one to pick you up for now & drop you home again ..... it may be quite tiring for you - so take advantage of any offers of meals, driving & anything else that you can't manage on your own just now.

Wait a wee while before you get back into exercise ..... VERY GENTLE exercise 'should' be fine (pain will tell you to STOP) .... but you can't swim til after your wounds have healed fully.

If you find it becoming a bit overwhelming, please ring our lovely ladies on the Helpline on 1800 500 258, as this disease really mucks with your BRAIN, even more than your body xx

I wasn't working when I was diagnosed - so hopefully someone else will jump in & advise you on THAT side of things - but if you've been paying for income protection insurance - it sounds fair to me, that you should be able to put in a claim ..... take the paperwork WITH YOU next time you see your surgeon - and get him to fill it in ANYWAY, I reckon - you may or may not 'use it' but at least you'll have it with you already! (Keep a photocopy of it too!)

Rads and hormone suppressants are 'all that bad' .... everyone is different & are affected differently .... so try not to pre-judge treatments at this point in time.

take care, look after YOU - your family needs to step up to the plate & take the pressure off you just now xx

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