Keep me strong

Hi... I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis. It’s overwhelming isn’t it? I was diagnosed 9/4/20 and had a mastectomy of the right breast only yesterday so results on nodes still to come. Surprisingly I’ve been coping well so far... I live on my own with my 2 dogs and I seem to be stronger when it’s just me & them. My parents, who are in there late 70’s have come to “help” and all my mother does is cry. She is exhausting and is making things worse. All I want to do is go home to my dogs, be on my own for a few days & get my head around this. Unfortunately I now don’t feel comfortable going home so I’m spending an extra night in hospital.
Do you have good support people around you?

Hi Jodiek, I’m fortunate to have a large support group & my dog who just makes me feel so peaceful. I hope you’re feeling up to going home soon, your going to love bonding with your dogs. They make everything better. 

Good luck tomorrow and for your results next Wednesday @Universal   You can do this.  I'm sending you all my good wishes and thoughts that it goes well for you :smile:

Best wishes @Universal for tomorrow and thinking of you @jodiek. Our dog just seems to know when I've had my had my treatment and always sits next to me and he will rest in bed with me on the not-so-good days - they just know  <3
Sending hugs to you both xx

Dear @jodiek

Best wishes for your return home. You will hear this refrain many times but somewhere you will need to put yourself first. Your mother, who is doubtless caring and well intentioned, is exhausting you and herself. Let her feel that you welcome and appreciate her concern but then make whatever excuses you can dream up to get the space you need! A practical helper can be a great asset but effectively having to look after someone else at this time is not productive. I didn’t have a breast care nurse but if you have one maybe she can help smooth that problem. My mother was well into her eighties when I was diagnosed and in a nursing home. Staff there were really helpful about whether to tell her or not. After a bit of initial distress, she decided that she could best help by being positive and ‘normal’ which she did, which benefitted us both. Best wishes. 

Good luck tomorrow @Universal. I will be thinking of you. I hope all goes well.

@Afraser I was adamant with mum that she had to pull herself together and if she was going to come down... they are about 2 hours away... that I couldn’t have negativity and tears. I understand her love & concern but this time I need to look after me not everyone else in my family. She promised. It didn’t last. Tonight I am tired, sore and emotional. And the emotional is because I’m dreading going home to deal with my mum. I feel like such an ungrateful b*tch but I just don’t have that sort of relationship with her. I’m not comfortable in my own skin around my parents even at 50. This just ads to that.

It’s really hard, but you are not ungrateful and don’t need to castigate yourself. I do believe that, given half a chance and a lot of luck, the experience of going through cancer can make positive changes. No, cancer is never a good thing and I am not some Pollyanna, but the determination to get through and get a life again can help us decide what stuff we want to carry with us and what we don’t. Take things step by step, gently, one day at a time but just keep your own thinking clear about what you need and want. You’ll get there. 

Hi @jodiek,
I totally GET you! I am 59 and still feel anxious and uncomfortable with my mum (and dad and sister), so feel you deserve a medal having your parents stay with you during this emotionally challenging time, as well as managing the natural anxiety and fear.
As @Afraser says, you need all your energy for you, not someone else (even if it is your mum.) I don't envy you needing to address this, perhaps you can cook up a story that you need to be be by yourself and maybe the payoff is you email/text/call at a time frame time that suits you.
I understand family and friends only mean well, but sometimes we are sucked dry making sure they are ok, which is ironic at best.
Hi @Universal - sending you my very best thoughts and wishes, and know we are here for you! I just love dogs but live in an apartment. I look forward to maybe when I retire getting a dog, they are so much more loving than a cat! I love our Sadie (rescue cat), but it's all on her terms. Give your dog a hug from me too!
Wishing you both all the best every day!
xx

Hi Universal,
You are going through all the normal thoughts and feelings, yes it can be very draining.Look at it as just another speed hump in this journey. One thing I had learnt about my diagnosis , treatment, and healing, I can’t control  what is happening, but I can control how I respond and deal with it.