Keep me strong

Dear @Universal,
Love you furr baby pic. Sorry you find yourself here. Good luck with everything. I was diagnosed 30th December 2019 and have finished active treatment. Now on Tamoxifen. This forum has been invaluable in all sorts of ways, not least as a place to just vent where everyone gets it. Also, surprisingly - there are quite a few comedic contributors who have made me laugh instead of cry! :)

Dear @universal and @jodiek,

Best wises from jennyss in Western NSW

@Universal it's surprising how much 'help' we don't need. I'm like an old dog when I'm sick--I just want to crawl under the bed and bite anyone who comes near me.

You've had some good advice so far. Unfortunately, there is nothing like a crisis to make folk revert to factory settings. I had to tell my mother to go home after my first diagnosis. I was OK while in was in hospital, but by the time I got home --where the really good drugs were not available---i simply couldn't stand anyone even talking to me, let alone 'helping' . She was offended, but at least she was in one piece, which she wouldn't have been if she woke me up to ask me how I was feeling  more time.

Realistically, you are not going to starve and the house work can wait. You just need peace and time to adjust at your own speed. Not that we have a great deal of choice about the pace of life when we find ourselves on the BC train. But grab what you can.

Maybe try telling her you've had some advice you may need more support in a couple of months and you'd like her to come back then. Then keep putting her off until you feel strong enough to cope.  MXX

Hi Universal,
You are going through all the normal thoughts and feelings, yes it can be very draining.Look at it as just another speed hump in this journey. One thing I had learnt about my diagnosis , treatment, and healing, I can’t control  what is happening, but I can control how I respond and deal with it.

Hi @jodiek,
I totally GET you! I am 59 and still feel anxious and uncomfortable with my mum (and dad and sister), so feel you deserve a medal having your parents stay with you during this emotionally challenging time, as well as managing the natural anxiety and fear.
As @Afraser says, you need all your energy for you, not someone else (even if it is your mum.) I don't envy you needing to address this, perhaps you can cook up a story that you need to be be by yourself and maybe the payoff is you email/text/call at a time frame time that suits you.
I understand family and friends only mean well, but sometimes we are sucked dry making sure they are ok, which is ironic at best.
Hi @Universal - sending you my very best thoughts and wishes, and know we are here for you! I just love dogs but live in an apartment. I look forward to maybe when I retire getting a dog, they are so much more loving than a cat! I love our Sadie (rescue cat), but it's all on her terms. Give your dog a hug from me too!
Wishing you both all the best every day!
xx

It’s really hard, but you are not ungrateful and don’t need to castigate yourself. I do believe that, given half a chance and a lot of luck, the experience of going through cancer can make positive changes. No, cancer is never a good thing and I am not some Pollyanna, but the determination to get through and get a life again can help us decide what stuff we want to carry with us and what we don’t. Take things step by step, gently, one day at a time but just keep your own thinking clear about what you need and want. You’ll get there. 

@Afraser I was adamant with mum that she had to pull herself together and if she was going to come down... they are about 2 hours away... that I couldn’t have negativity and tears. I understand her love & concern but this time I need to look after me not everyone else in my family. She promised. It didn’t last. Tonight I am tired, sore and emotional. And the emotional is because I’m dreading going home to deal with my mum. I feel like such an ungrateful b*tch but I just don’t have that sort of relationship with her. I’m not comfortable in my own skin around my parents even at 50. This just ads to that.

Good luck tomorrow @Universal. I will be thinking of you. I hope all goes well.

Dear @jodiek

Best wishes for your return home. You will hear this refrain many times but somewhere you will need to put yourself first. Your mother, who is doubtless caring and well intentioned, is exhausting you and herself. Let her feel that you welcome and appreciate her concern but then make whatever excuses you can dream up to get the space you need! A practical helper can be a great asset but effectively having to look after someone else at this time is not productive. I didn’t have a breast care nurse but if you have one maybe she can help smooth that problem. My mother was well into her eighties when I was diagnosed and in a nursing home. Staff there were really helpful about whether to tell her or not. After a bit of initial distress, she decided that she could best help by being positive and ‘normal’ which she did, which benefitted us both. Best wishes. 

Best wishes @Universal for tomorrow and thinking of you @jodiek. Our dog just seems to know when I've had my had my treatment and always sits next to me and he will rest in bed with me on the not-so-good days - they just know  <3
Sending hugs to you both xx