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Ad_Lib's avatar
Ad_Lib
Member
9 years ago

I've offended my in-laws

Hi 
I was diagnosed 6 days before Christmas. I'm 33 and have 2 daughters aged 3 and 6. When I told my parents and sister the news, they all came to visit to be with me so unexpectedly, we ended up hosting Christmas celebrations at my house.
It's taken all the energy I have to get out of bed (early) each day with a smile on my face to ensure my children had a joyful Christmas. This past week, I haven't been too focused on anyone but my girls and my husband.
Today I've discovered my inlaws are offended that I didn't speak to them on Christmas Day. My husband called them but I didn't get on the phone to speak - I'm not even sure why - it's all a bit of a blur.
I called to speak to my sister in law today and she was extremely short and very cold. 
I feel like I need to apologise now but I'm also angry at her for not cutting me some slack (her husband is an oncologist FFS I thought she'd understand). Any tips for how I can explain my failure to call them? I don't feel like I can say I just forgot as that will be more offensive. I really need to smooth this one over for the sake of my husband but I'm on the verge of exploding and telling them all where to go.
Does anyone have some sage words to help me out of this one?
family
young-women
  • Ad_Lib's avatar
    Ad_Lib
    Member
    9 years ago
    Thanks all for your kind words and advice. You've all been really helpful. X
  • Brenda5's avatar
    Brenda5
    Member
    9 years ago
    Was there something wrong with them that the could not ring you? When my hubby rang his big sister (who had battled bc 16yrs ago) she rang me up to guide and support me. One of hubby's nieces is a Dr and she corresponded on face book with me. My own siblings for the most part stayed away like I had something contagious. Mind you my side of the family is always a bit warped but I love them anyway lol.
  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hi Ad Lib, do it the old fashion way and write them a letter.You can explain how devastated you are and that you are not yourself right now and hope they can be understanding/supportive.You can then forget about it and concentrate on yourself and your own family.
    I'm so sorry this bc crap has happened to you and right on Xmas too.This is so unfair to one so young.But you'll get your head around it and come up fighting. We are here for you so ask questions, vent your feelings- it will help.I've been on the bc ride twice-2003 and then in 2010.I'm fine now and the majority of women with early breast cancer will be totally ok.Tonya xx
  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    9 years ago
    Other people just don't get what a new diagnosis feels like. I have no real wise words but when you feel stong enough call his parents. Tell them you feel awful for not speaking with them at Christmas but you were in an emotional mess, you love them and care for them and need their support as this journey is not only difficult for you but will be very difficult on their son. Hope it works out.

    I set up a private facebook page and invited people in. It photographed my journey and I journalled my thoughts, feelings and fears. I included this article which is brilliant. Whilst you are just beginning your fight,  it gives valuable insight into thoughts and feelings.
    Thinking of you. Kath x

    https://herecomesthesun927.com/2016/11/14/dear-every-cancer-patient-i-ever-took-care-of-im-sorry-i-didnt-get-it/
  • iserbrown's avatar
    iserbrown
    Member
    9 years ago
    Oh! As Tracey has said cut them some slack. You've entered the BC world where reactions from family and friends are not always what we expect. You may have some drop off. I had a girlfriend who was over the top and didn't know much about BC but was quick to push me in her preferred direction which caused undue stress. She's no longer in my life.
    As to your inlaw family it would appear that it is the normality of Christmas that your inlaw family are upset about.
    As Tracey said try and be as normal loving and respectful.
    Make sure you include them on your BC journey. 

    I'm sorry to read your story and hope for you that your treatment process is comfortable as can be.

    Take care from Christine 
  • Tracey62's avatar
    Tracey62
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hi Ad Lib, one thing we have all learned is that you can't carry the weight of other people's reactions. You have so much on your heart and on your mind, you are not responsible for the way other people behave. Give them some space, give them some time and continue to treat them with love and respect. You're head is still spinning from what you have found out. When you think about it, the only difference between now and a few short weeks ago is that now you know your diagnosis. Knowledge is power, you can deal with this, you will deal with this, just remember to be kind to yourself and not take on more than you need to cope with. I am so sorry for your heavy heart this Christmas, know that we are here for you as you work through it all. Sending you love and an extra special warm Christmas hug, Tracey xx
  • Mira's avatar
    Mira
    Member
    9 years ago
    Do they know about your diagnosis Ad Lib?  Maybe its come as a surprise to them too and they just need a bit of time to come to terms with it?