Hello. Have had surgery and will start radiotherapy on the 19th June and estrogen blocker for 5 years. Had Asperger's Syndrome and depression already. I'm 53 and after an horrendous life filled with cruelty I thought I would get through this easily as it is not the worst thing that has happened to me. No. I am numb, have developed a hatred for men and spend every day fighting off suicidal thoughts. I know I will get through however I am seeing myself from an out of body sort of sensation where I feel as though someone else has taken over. I feel like an entirely different person and am aware that I am developing some kind of disassociative personality disorder. Autism is exhausting and this on top of it is like being buried alive. I don't want to add to anyone's depression but I really have nothing left to give. I don't know what else to do.

Hi there @Autismandbc, I can't say "I understand what you're feeling" as that would not be true. Only each of us can understand our own feelings, but I can say I know your difficulties. My husband of 42 years is a full on Aspie as is my daughter aged 36 and her partner of 14 years who have shared our home with us for the last eight years. My daughter's partner is the most impacted, and even has the 'Aspie walk". We four share our home with four cats, at one time that was eight. Yes I know...yes I know (nudge nudge)...I'm the 'weird cat lady". I am pretty much the buffer for my husband with regards to any verbal communication that he has to do. Before retirement, he was a computer technician first, then later a programmer, so he didn't have to deal much with pesky humans and their unreadable behavior. My daughter also had great difficulty as a child and as a young woman. Now she and her partner have found each other and they are a perfect match. Each understands, and doesn't judge the other. There's an old South African saying..."Every pot has its lid", and that is so true. I hope you can find someone suitable to talk to, but accept that you might have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince, as it were. Please take care of yourself, and know that this pretty eclectic lot are always here to chat.

I really value everyone's empathy and taking the time to contribute and I'm overwhelmed by how difficult it is for so many. I have so much good will towards those who have BC since I first walked into the room at Fiona Stanley's and saw the broad spectrum of women with numbish looking faces and just wanted to hug everyone but knew I couldn't. Prior to my diagnosis I had not known anyone who had had bc. Fiona Stanley's has made it a better experience than I expected and really is the best hospital I've been to; I live in the Rockingham area in WA and I was originally sent to Sir Charles Gardiner but for various reasons I was changed to Fiona's. The staff at Fiona's are fantastic and we'll educated with autism. The hospital itself is a non PTSD kind of design so it's very simple and restful to be in ( for me) in comparison to Charlie's which I have been in before and spend my time getting lost. This is the first time in 5 months that I have talked about it so thankyou for listening. It does help.

@Autismandbc As @Halla suggests, now is the time to contact your psychologist or psychiatrist. Many people who experience cancer, including those with no prior emotional or mental stressors, can have significant emotional reactions. Even those who feel they are handling the diagnosis and treatment well. You will get through it but you will do much better getting the help you need and deserve. Best wishes.

Hi @Autismandbc, I am so sorry yo hear what had happened to you. The others have given great advice. It is important to tell your health care team how you feel and seek support. This is a great forum and we are all here to support you. The others here have given you great advice. Let us all know what's happening and how you are going with it. Sending you a hug. 🌺

It's a dark and messy time for you @Autismandbc There's bugger all I can say that's helpful but I hear your distress. MXX

Despair | BCNA Online Network

Cath62
Member
4 years ago
Hi @Autismandbc, I am so sorry yo hear what had happened to you. The others have given great advice. It is important to tell your health care team how you feel and seek support. This is a great forum and we are all here to support you. The others here have given you great advice. Let us all know what's happening and how you are going with it. Sending you a hug. 🌺
Afraser
Member
4 years ago
@Autismandbc

As @Halla suggests, now is the time to contact your psychologist or psychiatrist. Many people who experience cancer, including those with no prior emotional or mental stressors, can have significant emotional reactions. Even those who feel they are handling the diagnosis and treatment well. You will get through it but you will do much better getting the help you need and deserve. Best wishes.
Halla
Member
4 years ago
@Autismandbc I’m so sorry to hear what a hard time you have had, and are having...it’s really not fair!!

If it helps at all I’m on a similar trajectory - I am 53 too, and have had surgery, and am starting radiotherapy on the 16th, so let’s keep each other company on here and compare notes :-). I’ve also had anxiety and depression but luckily for me it’s under control with Prozac. Do you take meds for your depression?

ive started hormone blockers already, but will stop them for the radiotherapy and then start again. They are not too bad! I haven’t had any real trouble with them at all.

The whole breast cancer thing seems surreal - it hits so suddenly and it’s hard to adjust/believe it’s happening to us. It makes sense you would feel dissociated, especially if you are a very sensitive and/or traumatised person already.

have you got a mental health plan or a psychologist or psychiatrist to help you?

there are lots and lots of resources to help ladies with breast cancer...including this site where the community is fantastic...

How does your Aspergers affect you?

feel free to talk to us anytime about anything, ok?

🤗❤️❤️😘
MicheleR
Member
4 years ago
Hi @Autismandbc,

Welcome to this group. There are many lovely people who understand the difficulty of a breast cancer diagnosis, treatments and emotions around it.

Noone will judge you here.

How have you come through your surgery? What did you have? Maybe talking a bit about it will help.

It is a lot to deal with but you are in the right place. Everyone struggles from time to time but things can get better.

Hugs to you x

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