Decisions on surgery

Hi Keeping_positive1. Thank you so much for your comments. I'm leaning very strongly towards a DMX - the stress of constantly wondering if the other breast has cancer will be too much - mainly because they still haven't identified the primary source, despite 2 x mammograms, 2 x ultrasounds and a PET. The MRI has only shown some areas of interest, and if the scans don't show anything despite looking, what could have been missed. I am so amazed at how strong everyone is and I hope to gain just a bit of that strength. Thank you again!

Sorry, just read your original post.  Even so, if you only need lumpectomies, but you prefer both breasts off you will still need to push for that.  I went with bilateral lumpectomies, but if they had said I need only one breast removed, I already told them I will want both removed.  

It isn't an easy decision either way, but for me I chose the lesser surgery, but probably similar to what @TonyaM has expressed on similar threads, it gets terribly anxiety producing at mammogram time of the year.  There isn't a right or wrong way/answer, but do what you feel is best for you.  Every mammo time of the year I wonder if I should have had them removed.  It of course doesn't mean the cancer won't return, but can be the right decision for some.  I wish you all best, and sorry you find yourself in this "club".  But we are here to support you, and you are in good hands here, so you can toss ideas around here and nobody will judge you nor your decision you make for yourself.  

If you want a bilateral mastectomy and the medical team only feel only one breast needs to be removed, then you will most likely have to push for it.  We had another member here who I and a few others supported and stressed the importance of her telling her medical team that psychologically she will not cope with only one breast being removed! 

I cannot recall who it was now, but you may come up against resistance for them to remove a perfectly healthy breast unless you stress you will not cope well otherwise, if that is the case for you. 

It is great that your husband will be there, but it will be you that needs to persuade them to remove both breasts if that is what you want.  

All the best and I hope you have all the love and care you need surrounding you. xx

Hi TonyaM. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and story. I'm in my 50s and feel that both gone would be fine - husband is very supportive, so apart from the psychological issues, I think it'll be okay. Just got to try to convince the team, but when I meet with them again, my husband will be with me, and he's very persuasive and cool headed! I haven't been through chemo and radio yet, but I'm already sure that I don't want to go through it more than I have to. I've admired everyone who has got through it once, but to do it again - you're a very special person, with incredible strength. Thank you again for sharing, and I wish you all the best on your journey. Big hugs to you as well! 

Christabel03 Hi! Thanks for sharing your story and thoughts. My team are saying a lumpectomy is preferred, with a couple of lymphs taken as well, but at the back of my mind they the primary source still hasn't been identified, although on the MIR, there is something that is of interest - nothing has shown on the PET, mammograms and ultrasounds, and my thinking is that if they can't find the source and they're looking the the right place, have other cancer areas been missed. It's all so difficult, and I really appreciate hearing your thoughts. Good luck on your journey, and thanks again.

@Julez1958. Thank you for sharing your journey. So much to think about. I don't think I'll go down the DIEP route - but I should give it some thought. I don't think I could cope with being on this terrifying rollercoaster again. Good luck on your journey.

@Afraser Thank you! You've posed some very good questions. I've got a psyc appointment in a couple of weeks and I'll have a good chat to her about how I'm feeling. I hope that I can come to terms with this soon. And you're right - make the decision and have no regrets.

Hi @KimF, so sorry to hear you’ve had to join us but you’ve come to the right place. I will say that age can play a part in these bc decisions. In my 40’s I was horrified at the thought of losing a breast so opted for a lumpectomy and radiation. In my 50’s when it came back in the same spot,I was ambivalent about losing my breast- it had to go and because of previous radiation I couldn’t have an implant. For 12 yrs I’ve lived lopsided but now in my 60’s,I’ve recently had the other one off- don’t care about boobs,gone flat.The intimacy side of it was important in my 40’s but it’s not so much in my 60’s. Having my breasts off 12yrs apart means each side looks abit different- a roll of fat under my arm on one side.I find this abit annoying but it’s great not ever having to have a mammogram again!
Hopefully I’ve cut my risks of getting bc again and I NEVER want to go through radiation and chemo again-especially not in my 70’s!  So yes,age can influence your decision but ultimately go with your gut and with what feels right for you now.You can’t predict your future. If you can’t decide,then go with what your team recommends. Big hugs xx

Hey @KimF , so sorry that you find yourself here. I have just finished my active treatment for Stage 3 HER+ I wished I had pushed harder for a double at the time of meeting my surgeon as I was feeling the same as you, unable to cope if I had to go through it again, petrified of it turning up in the other breast etc, but I had so much cancer apparently the priority had to be given to the affected breast and lymph nodes without the possibility of the other or "good" breast being removed and then perhaps causing a problem or a delay with treatment. I am now just about to see my surgeon to have the other one removed by choice because I really dislike having one breast only.  I have tried to accept the prosthesis and have done pretty well with it since having to start wearing it but I just find myself wanting more than anything just to have them both gone and to at least look even (not sure if thats even the right word but you know what I am trying to say I am sure). 

I did wonder if at the time of diagnosis and the talk of surgery whether or not I was just having a knee jerk reaction just get rid of them both, but I did also know from my scans etc that there was a lot of disease and we had already touched on the fact a lumpectomy wasn't going to be an option, so I had time to process while going through chemo. I have to say it is something I haven't changed my mind on though, the whole way through, even when they told me they would only do one at a time, I just parked it and made all the queries I could about when I could have the next surgery. 

It is all so overwhelming and everyone will have a different story to share. It is really important to take the time you need and to make the decisions you want under the guidance of your medical team. Big hugs to you as you navigate all this xx

Hello everyone

Thank you for sharing your journey - I really appreciate your openness and the questions you've posed. I've got lots to think about, and will carry on the discussions with my surgeon and oncologist.

Hugs and thanks again