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Vivianna's avatar
Vivianna
Member
9 years ago

But I'm only 31...

January 2016 I found a breast lump but I just shrugged it off, most of my friends had them, no big deal right? Being in the medical industry I knew I had to do the responsible thing so I went to get an ultrasound which showed a query cyst like structure. I didn't think anything of it, the size of the lump would go up and down with my period and my GP said it was very likely, nothing to worry about because of my age. Fast forward to October and the lump still there...another scan showed that it had grown and now was the time for a needle biopsy. Did I mention I am ridiculously needle phobic??? No thanks, I opted for an excisional biopsy so that I wouldn't have to worry about it. (A friend of mine from school had just passed away last year after a long battle with breast cancer...freaking out is putting it lightly!). I got the results back on the 22nd of December (2 days before flying home for xmas), I was so sure it was going to be nothing...the surgeon said I had over a 90% chance of it being benign, I was so sure that I told my husband not to come, to be told "I'm sorry its not good news" I remember the moment clearly, shock/confusion/panic! My first thought was-I'm glad Andrews not here...what if this is my last Christmas with Andy and our family? How can this happen? The next 3hours were a blur, I had so many appointments lined up, I had to go see a fertility specialist because chemo would kill my chances of getting pregnant (we had been trying for the last 6months), I decided not to tell anyone except my boss for time off. One of the hardest things Ive ever had to do because I didn't want to ruin Christmas for everyone. The fertility specialist was nice but the examinations were so invasive and so much information was bombarding me from all sides, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I feel slightly less panicked now, ive had time to process and I've told my immediate family which has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. I have even been brave enough to inject myself everyday in preparation for IVF...I know this is a small thing considering whats to come but I'm afraid the needle phobia won't listen to reason. Ive decided to go with a mastectomy with immediate reconstruction using a prosthesis but my first hurdle will be a sentinel node biopsy to make sure the cancer hasn't spread yet...and a portacath insertion so that will make the whole needle thing easier. I just wish there was someone out there my age that has gone through/going through this now...my spirits are pretty low
anxiety
coping
mastectomy
pain
young-women

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  • Ad_Lib's avatar
    Ad_Lib
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hi @"Vivianne Vanessa" My situation is scarily similar to yours. I was diagnosed on 19 December, 2 days after my 33rd birthday. I'm still waiting to hear when I'll be having surgery. I was basically diagnosed and then all my drs went on holidays so I've been in limbo over Christmas too. I promise you, you are not alone. 
    Libby x
  • Hopes_and_Dream's avatar
    Hopes_and_Dream
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hi, I'm on the Gold Coast - work during the week but happy to catch up for a coffee on weekends. I'm overseas on hols at the moment, back weekend of 20 January.
    Everything you are feeling is normal, we all do understand how you feel. It's absolutely not fair!!
    But you will amaze yourself with what you can do and every day is one step closer to being cancer free. Sending a hug, Jane xx
  • ccasper's avatar
    ccasper
    Member
    9 years ago
    @Ro10 is near brissy. 

    @em_24 yes massive decision but not much time to mull it over. Chemo ends next week and surgery 3 weeks later!!
  • Vivianna's avatar
    Vivianna
    Member
    9 years ago
    Wow I am blown away by all of your love/support/encouragement! You are all such amazingly strong women and I hope that when the time comes, that I can show the same strength.

     I had my first proper breakdown today... I called my breast care nurse to see when my bonescan and CT was booked and she happened to mention that the radio opaque dye would be injected...I just lost it, started sobbing hysterically telling her that I just couldn't do it anymore? Ive only just started and already I'm overwhelmed at the enormity of the immediate future. To date I've put on a brave face for two blood tests, five attempted cannulations and 8 daily injections...and I have to start injections 4 times a day once my period starts in 2days time. Then  Lymphocentography involves 4 injections into my breast that has already had an operation in (I can't even wear my normal bra or sleep on my tummy because of the pain), and then another couple of cannulation attempts for my sentinel node excision (done seperately to my mastectomy and reconstruction surgery). I know most people see needles as an uncomfortable necessary evil but for me, each time it takes more thought and energy than I would expend going sky diving. I thought I was in a good place mentally and emotionally but as soon as I heard about the change I just fell apart. The thing that upset me the most was the off handed comment she made about "knowing how I felt" how can you possibly understand what this is like for me???? Its not just the loss of control or putting my dreams on hold...I feel like with each part they remove from me I am losing a piece of my identity, of who I am. I am not this weepy mess of a person who wants to throw up everytime I have to look at a needle, I am a control freak adrenaline junkie who is at the top of her profession and who ran a marathon three months ago...its hard not to let this define who I am.

     I have contacted a help line for some professional support for my anxiety and the starter pack really helps me keep track. Thank you em_24 for sharing your story and I believe the valium/midaz will definitely be helpful for my up and coming surgery. Thankyou to all of you who have taken time out of your day to read and post supportive messages, I have read each and every one and take heart in knowing that we may be miles apart but that you guys have/are going through the same journey as me. Ps: is there anyone living in Brisbane that would be keen to catch up for a coffee/chat?
  • InkPetal's avatar
    InkPetal
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hey Viv!

    I was diagnosed last year at 31, and went through all the fertility stuff too (I don't have kids but want them!)

    AND I had a MASSIVE needle phobia - HUGE, ever since I was a small child, girl you are going to kick that phobia so hard just out of immersion, believe you me.

    I am so proud of you for doing it yourself! It's not a small thing, it's a huge thing. Buy yourself a trophy. <- Not sarcasm. When I finished my course I bought myself a charm for my bracelet so I could look at it and think damn, I did that. I'm amazing. I rocked in a corner and literally cried every time I had to do it, but am still amazing.

    This treatment is your insurance policy, and it all sucks, all of it. It really really sucks. But when it comes to it you'll swallow that fear and do it. That's bravery: being scared and doing it anyway.

    You can definitely do this, because in reality you're stronger and more resilient and simply more amazing than you ever imagined you were.

    I'm pretty terrible with messages but if you want to chat/rant my inbox is always open.
  • em_24's avatar
    em_24
    Member
    9 years ago
    @ccasper oh are you? I feel so nervous about it, thank you. Good luck to you too xx
  • ccasper's avatar
    ccasper
    Member
    9 years ago
    @em_24 I am having the same surgery on the 2nd of feb! Good luck xx
  • em_24's avatar
    em_24
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hi "Vivianne Vanessa", I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I just wanted to post as I am in a similar situation and it can feel very lonely and isolating. I was diagnosed in September 2016 at the age of 24, so I get your feelings of disbelief with your age. I am booked in for a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction using implants on the 19th of January and freaking out about it. I had a sentinel node biopsy and lumpectomy first as my biopsy came back inconclusive. I also have a HUGE phobia of needles, my surgeon prescribed me valium basically the minute she told me I had breast cancer, as I had to have so many tests and needles, so I get the needle thing. I am petrified.. I was given midazolam for surgery so that I could not be so panicked about the drip going in, and that really helped. The beginning can be really hard, so just try to take deep breaths, because you will get through it. Please feel free to private message me if you would like. Not that I know a whole lot, but I am learning, and am happy to chat and listen anytime xxx
  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    9 years ago
    Just wanted to say hope all goes well. The beginning is so hard, the shock, the tests, the fears, regardless of age. It does break our hearts to hear of a younger women getting this dreadful disease. Know we are hear to listen, advise, commiserate and cheer you along the way. Cancer treatment is tough...but just remember. ..you are tougher ... and can get through this. Kath x
  • Brenda5's avatar
    Brenda5
    Member
    9 years ago
    Glad you are getting stuck in to treatment. Yes it happens even at your tender age and it can be much more aggressive too so good on you for tackling it headlong. This girl Connie was diagnosed young as well and unfortunately the bc has gone in to secondary cancer but she's fighting like a trouper and her two boys are in the middle of primary school now. I think from memory there was IVF talk in her book too. I have the book and I loved it. http://www.loveyoursister.org/