This is my 3rd post tonight. The first two disappeared on me so I hope this works. Im talking to karyn , summer, robyn, Deanne, cook65 and all the newbies. I am crying tonight, with you, for you and for me. Bc is crap. Noone is of help. They do things that they think help but it only makes them feel better. I hate my life. Im sick of being sick. Im sick of people who claim to be a friend but can only slot you in for 40 mins every six weeks or so. Im sick of kids that just create more mess, more washing more tension. Im sick of a husband who just uses work to avoid doing anything for me. This would be easier on my own. Im ready to explode. I also have a useless bc nurse who has done nothing to help or support me through this 12 month long ordeal. Just amazing how she has totally neglected me. My rant over for this month. Thanks for listening. Hope you're all traveling better and at least have the support of a good bc nurse, as I have heard there are some. Kindness, comfort & information is all I expected from a bc nurse. What a pity Mine didn't read her job description. Good luck everyone dealing with all this crap. Look after yourself as no one else will. Good night. Nicole x

Hi there Nicole, I'm one of the 'newbies' here, so I'm not sure exactly what to say but I couldn't walk by and not reply. I'm sorry you're feeling so unsupported right now. I do think it's good to let it out sometimes, and it seems like this is the right place to do it. The ladies here seem to be amazing in their capacity to listen and support each other, even when they're doing it tough themselves. I hope that today is better for you. xx Sarah

Hello Nicole Goodness gracious, you are in a mess at the minute. Are you in touch with some sort of counsellor who can assist you ? Your GP can send you for 5 free sessions under the special 'mental health' program. Just ask if you have not already done so. I am thinking that your depression has got on top of you. Maybe your medication needs altering ? Like you, I thought the BC nurses were here for a particular thing but really they are only there to provide you with information on where to get other help. Your GP could guide you in the right direction or perhaps contact Beyond Blue for a chat with a trained person who understands ? Yes, BC is crap but you cannot let it defeat you ! There are others in far worse situations (you probably don't want to hear that) and they fight to rise above it. Have you thought that perhaps your husband, children and friends are a little 'over it' as they simply don't know how to support you for such a long time ? Perhaps you let off a bit too much steam at them ? I have a lot on my plate at the moment but if you want to 'personal message' me we can be in touch more privately. Look for the little bright things in each day and remember that the mind is a powerful thing. Celebrate some small things and you may overcome the nasties. Keep chatting Summer :-)

Hi Nicloe I have been where you are good days bad days, it does help to vent. I do see a counsellor and it has helpt me see that yes I'm going through crap but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. She suggested writing a journal and I was a bit skeptical about doing it. Surprising it has made me feel better when I put it down in writing and I can be honest with how I feel, every day I had to write 3 positive things for the day. Some days it was hard to find 3 things but it is surprising how it helps. Hang in there sending you positve vibes and hugsxx

Hi Nicole I hear you on so many fronts. I never connected with my breast care nurse at all. I found I bonded with one of the oncology nurses so she is the one I talk to. I have also been getting counselling which is helping me to see it from everyone's point of view which is helping me cope. Mind you, I still have my meltdowns too. It's quite possible that your husband is using work as an excuse to run away and let's face it, can you blame him? I guarantee if you could run away from it for a while you would. It's probably the one place where he has some control still. The problem is we live with this 24/7 and don't get to escape. That can cause some resentment as well. Kids are kids and it's all about them. As much as it gawls me, I have to ask if I need help and I have to be specific. I also need to tell them that I need their help. One would have thought it was obvious but no! Mine are 19 and 21 so you would think they would be able to figure it out themselves but no. The thing is, they actually don't know what to do. After 12 months it has become their normal for me to be sick so they do take it for granted. I'm not sure how old your kids are but sometimes they need to be reminded that you are still sick and struggling. The fact is once our hair grows back and we aren't throwing up from chemo etc it is easy for them to think that you are well. It's so frustrating as it feels like we have to guide them through this as well as ourselves but they they are used to you being the rudder of the family and they don't steer well without your guidance. As far as the friends are concerned, well you truly find out where you figure in peoples lives. It can be hurtful that others don't care tfor you the way you care for them. Choose to focus on the ones who give as much as they take. Bc is crap! It's crap for you and everyone around you. It's so easy to lose track of what's important. Take some time for you to have some normal. Perhaps contact Otis to see if you can have a free weekend away either on your own, with your family or some friends. Take some time to have some fun. I'm not sure where you live but I'm happy to get together for a chat if you would like. Take care and I hope you are feeling a little brighter today. Love Karen xox

Hi Nicole, I have been in the place you are right now and can fully understand. It's all so overwhelming at times, you just get bogged down in it and sometimes can't see a way out. I would encourage you to see a GP, or a psychologist at your hospital. You could call the Cancer Council and ask for some help with your issues. If someone tells you there is always someone worse off, that is true, but it doesn't help your situation at all. You are in the middle of it at the moment and it is all about you at this time. Ultimately it is up to us to help ourselves get through this, but a little support goes a long way. I so wish I could give you a hug right now, please reach out to someone who can help, I am sending you cyber hugs, Hazel xx

REPLY TO ALL FEELING LIKE CRAP | BCNA Online Network

16 Replies

Liggyw
Member
11 years ago
Hi Nicole

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a crap time but after reading your post and everybody's responses, I know now that I'm not going mad for feeling the same way and that we are allowed to have out 'melt-downs' or 'reality moments'

Your comments and other's responses have also helped me enormously so thank you. We will get through this :)
Cook65
Member
11 years ago
So pleased that the support has helped. It helps so much to know that you're not on your own. Take care of you! Put yourself first for a little while each day and remember that we are all here for you. Take care. Karen xox
nicole_h
Member
11 years ago
Wow. A big thank you to you all. It was so good to get that all off my chest but it was even better to read all your replies. Just to know that there are others who understand is a big help, the kind of support I've been lacking. All your advice is better than anything I've read about or tried.

I am up and down every day but try to stay as positive as I can And dont look back nor fwd too far just the here and now. One day at a time. Love to all you strong women reaching out to help me, and it did more than you know. Thank god they're getting this site back up and running. Love Nicole x ♥
Gillian2069
Member
11 years ago
Hi Nicole, my heart goes out because your support network is not doing its job!

Like you, my BC nurse has not been much use apart from sending out literature and a bra at the beginning.

But I've been really lucky with my support network - people have come out of the woodwork to show their love and support. Even so, I've had a couple of people come as house guests and lounge around waiting for me to be the host!

I see lots of suggestions and advice in the comments, so I won't burden you with more. Except I can say that the 'three positive things' exercise is wonderful. My husband and I started it some years ago. At bedtime, we share three positive things that happened in the day. At first it was hard to find positive things some days, but as we persisted, we found it easier to see them. We laugh together on those days when the positive things are weather-related or about food. It's amazing how much food dominates our perceptions of the day! But we accept any positive thing without criticism and don't strive for big and meaningful positives. I think it has seeped through into other aspects of our lives and given us a brighter attitude to life in general. It's an exercise that we'll definitely continue for life.
Mira
Member
11 years ago
Hi Nicole,

I hope you are feeling a bit better. Have you ever tried meditation? I've used the guided meditations on this site to help me get through some really stressful (non bc) bits of life. http://www.meditationoasis.com/ ; Sometimes it really helps to just stop and let everything go for a bit.

Mira
Robyn_W
Member
11 years ago
Hey Nicole:):) I wish I lived near you and I could pop in and have a cuppa!! I would like to suggest two things.The first been the use of your five free visits to access some counselling.Go to your GP and get him to arrange it for you.The fact that it is free is another less worry in itself.Secondly,you have to put some time aside for yourself.Even if it is only 20 minutes a day.You can just sit and do nothing,go outside into the fresh air and just walk a little,and try and concentrate on what is around you,rather than what is happening with you at the moment,and also,start a journal.I started one when I was having treatment,and I actually looked forward to writing in it every day.I just used an exercise book,and at the end of every day,when the rest of the house was asleep,I would get out my book and start writing!!!! I still write in it but just not every day any more.Not everyone would understand some of my feelings and frustrations that I have put down on paper,but the important thing is that I UNDERSTAND!!!Give it a go Nicole.You have nothing to lose,and sometimes just by concentrating on something else for a little while,you may find that momentarily you feel a tiny bit better:) Please stay in touch on here as you can see by the replies that the ladies on here are worried about you and want to support you.Take care Nicole .Robyn xox
nicole_h
Member
11 years ago
Thanks karen. Nice to know others go crazy too. Thanks for the tips. I might just try the diary one. At this point I'll try anything.

It hurts doesn't it when your friends slacken off and family think you're better, as visually I seem well.

Well here goes another day!!!

Love Nicole x ♥
nicole_h
Member
11 years ago
Hi summer, thanks for replying and the tips. I hope your days been better. Whats happening rith you. I actually haven't let off any steam before last week other than venting on this site. Thought I'd held it together pretty well for 11 months. Even then I still only asked for some help. I'm sure they're over it, but that doesn't mean they cant lift as I have to for them. As for bc nurse I still haven't let off steam to her. As far as she knows, she wouldnt have a clue i dont like her. I've only come across her once in 8 weeks and I was sobbing and she was useless. Her parting words were I have a lot of paperwork and information to give you on the last week...and just left me worrying for a month as to what that might be..

I have been paying for private support as it was not offered even when I asked for help with physio & counseling. Im trying a psychologist now but finding it hard to sync as she only works 2 1/2 days so hasn't been helpful yet. I do have the health plan from my gp but thanks. Oh and im not on any medication. Maybe thats it. I just need to calm down to be able to deal with my emotions And get a grip. Thanks summer for listening and taking the time to reply. Nicole x
nicole_h
Member
11 years ago
Thanks for caring Sarah. Simply that helps so thanks just for commenting. I appreciate it. Nicole x ♥
mum2jj
Member
11 years ago
Hi Nicole,

I don't post too often in this blog but I too couldn't go past your plea for help. I have been where you are before. At the time it felt like I would never get through things. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. The girls have some great suggestions for you. I am now four years on from a second diagnosis. It does get better. Although at the time it may be hard to believe. When I was at my worst I rang the cancer council. I didn't feel at the time I was well enough to go out and have face to face counseling so they arranged for phone Councelling with a psychologist. It really helped me.

Sending you a big cyber hug.

Paula x