REPLY TO ALL FEELING LIKE CRAP

Hi darl,you sound miserable.I think you need a break from bc stuff,kids and husband.Have you finished treatments?Cos if you have,why not take a holiday on your own or go visit relatives?Karen had a good idea - contact the Otis foundation and have a free holiday. One of my friends did that and had a great holiday at Pearl beach(with her kids)absolutely free! You need to do some 'nice' things for yourself cos you deserve it. Tonya xx

Hi Nicole, I have been in the place you are right now and can fully understand. It's all so overwhelming at times, you just get bogged down in it and sometimes can't see a way out. I would encourage you to see a GP, or a psychologist at your hospital. You could call the Cancer Council and ask for some help with your issues. If someone tells you there is always someone worse off, that is true, but it doesn't help your situation at all. You are in the middle of it at the moment and it is all about you at this time. Ultimately it is up to us to help ourselves get through this, but a little support goes a long way. I so wish I could give you a hug right now, please reach out to someone who can help, I am sending you cyber hugs,

Hazel xx

Hi Nicole

I hear you on so many fronts. I never connected with my breast care nurse at all. I found I bonded with one of the oncology nurses so she is the one I talk to.  I have also been getting counselling which is helping me to see it from everyone's point of view which is helping me cope. Mind you, I still have my meltdowns too. 

It's quite possible that your husband is using work as an excuse to run away and let's face it,  can you blame him? I guarantee if you could run away from it for a while you would. It's probably the one place where he has some control still. The problem is we live with this 24/7 and don't get to escape. That can cause some resentment as well.

Kids are kids and it's all about them. As much as it gawls me, I have to ask if I need help and I have to be specific. I also need to tell them that I need their help. One would have  thought it was obvious but no! Mine are 19 and 21 so you would think they would be able to figure it out themselves but no. The thing is, they actually don't know what to do. After 12 months it has become their normal for me to be sick so they do take it for granted. I'm not sure how old your kids are but sometimes they need to be reminded that you are still sick and struggling. The fact is once our hair grows back and we aren't throwing up from chemo etc it is easy for them to think that you are well. It's so frustrating as it feels like we have to guide them through this as well as ourselves but they they are used to you being the rudder of the family and they don't steer well without your guidance. 

As far as the friends are concerned, well you truly find out where you figure in peoples lives. It can be hurtful that others don't care tfor you the way you care for them. Choose to focus on the ones who give as much as they take. 

Bc is crap! It's crap for you and everyone around you. It's so easy to lose track of what's important. Take some time for you to have some normal. Perhaps contact Otis to see if you can have a free weekend away either on your own, with your family or some friends. Take some time to have some fun. I'm not sure where you live but I'm happy to get together for a chat if you would like.  Take care and I hope you are feeling a little brighter today. Love Karen xox

Hi Nicloe I have been where you are good days bad days, it does help to vent. I do see a counsellor and it has helpt me see that yes I'm going through crap but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. She suggested writing a journal and I was a bit skeptical about doing it. Surprising it has made me feel better when I put it down in writing and I can be honest with how I feel, every day I had to write 3 positive things for the day. Some days it was hard to find 3 things but it is surprising how it helps. Hang in there sending you positve vibes and hugsxx

Hello Nicole

Goodness gracious, you are in a mess at the minute.  Are you in touch with some sort of counsellor who can assist you ?  Your GP can send you for 5 free sessions under the special 'mental health' program.  Just ask if you have not already done so.  I am thinking that your depression has got on top of you.  Maybe your medication needs altering ?

Like you, I thought the BC nurses were here for a particular thing but really they are only there to provide you with information on where to get other help.  Your GP could guide you in the right direction or perhaps contact Beyond Blue for a chat with a trained person who understands ?

Yes, BC is crap but you cannot let it defeat you !  There are others in far worse situations (you probably don't want to hear that) and they fight to rise above it.

Have you thought that perhaps your husband, children and friends are a little 'over it' as they simply don't know how to support you for such a long time ?  Perhaps you let off a bit too much steam at them ?

I have a lot on my plate at the moment but if you want to 'personal message' me we can be in touch more privately.

Look for the little bright things in each day and remember that the mind is a powerful thing.  Celebrate some small things and you may overcome the nasties.

Keep chatting

Summer  :-)

Hi there Nicole,

I'm one of the 'newbies' here, so I'm not sure exactly what to say but I couldn't walk by and not reply. I'm sorry you're feeling so unsupported right now. I do think it's good to let it out sometimes, and it seems like this is the right place to do it. The ladies here seem to be amazing in their capacity to listen and support each other, even when they're doing it tough themselves. I hope that today is better for you.

xx Sarah