Forum Discussion
Frustrated by Perfect Survirors
Please realise I am not I am not criticizing anyones cancer journey, their diagnoses, treatment, support, or what they have done to cope with having cancer. I am needing to have a vent...
I am frustrated that all of the people that I see in my local community or in the media that have had treatment for breast cancer appear to the public to be the perfect role models - chirpy, people fund raised for them during their treatment, involved in anything cancer, promoting cancer workshops, mentoring other survivors, dressed immaculately, have lovely thick healthy hair that matches their age, are able to work their own hours... they seem to have come out the other side winning.
I know what I see in public is not what might be happening behind closed doors, but I am none of those things. I am not ok. I am not ok most days. I recently started a fitness group for women affected by breast cancer. The lady running it is lovely, but she had cancer only 6 months before me and she seems perfect and is mentoring and helping me!! I am the same age, same timing of cancer treatment. I have **bleep**ty white thin hair, my face is getting brown splotches, my body is 15 years older than it should be, they seem surprised when I say I have to work fulltime.
I just want to know that there are other people out there 5,6,7, 10 years after their cancer treatment that are still not ok. I feel seen as stupid --> it happened 6 years ago I should be back to my old self. I honestly don't remember who she was
1 Reply
Hi Kyra
Firstly, thank you for sharing this. ❤️ Honestly, I think there are probably more people reading your words and quietly nodding along than it might appear.
What you're describing is something many people don't talk about. We often see the "after" version of cancer in public. The person running fundraising events, mentoring others, smiling in photos, attending workshops, and looking like they've rebuilt their life. What we don't always see are the people who are still struggling years later, who are exhausted, grieving, dealing with ongoing side effects, working full-time because they have no choice, or wondering why everyone else seems to have recovered when they haven't.
We could all use a gentle reminder not to compare our struggles to someone else's highlight reel. The woman running your fitness group may well have her own challenges that aren't visible. But equally, it's okay to acknowledge that seeing people who appear to be thriving can be painful when you're struggling.
We know there is no single breast cancer story. The realities are incredibly varied, and one film or campaign could never capture the full breadth of what people live through. That’s an important part of what #TheWholeStory is about. Our film tells one story, but we want the campaign to create space for many more voices and perspectives, including those that too often go unseen or unspoken.
As part of this, we’re inviting people across our network to share their whole story on their own social channels. If you feel comfortable, we’d love you to add your voice by sharing whatever parts of your story feel important to you, in whatever way feels right. You can use #TheWholeStory and tag @breastcancernetworkaustralia so we can see and help amplify it. By bringing more stories into the conversation, together we can build a much fuller picture of what breast cancer can mean and ensure a greater breadth of voices are heard.
Please be gentle with yourself. You don't have to be inspirational. You don't have to mentor anyone or run a fitness class anytime soon. You don't have to look perfect, feel grateful every day, or prove that you've "moved on." Sometimes just getting through the day is enough. Sending a big virtual hug. 💕 You're certainly not alone in feeling this way.
