Frustrated by Perfect Survirors
Please realise I am not I am not criticizing anyones cancer journey, their diagnoses, treatment, support, or what they have done to cope with having cancer. I am needing to have a vent... I am frustrated that all of the people that I see in my local community or in the media that have had treatment for breast cancer appear to the public to be the perfect role models - chirpy, people fund raised for them during their treatment, involved in anything cancer, promoting cancer workshops, mentoring other survivors, dressed immaculately, have lovely thick healthy hair that matches their age, are able to work their own hours... they seem to have come out the other side winning. I know what I see in public is not what might be happening behind closed doors, but I am none of those things. I am not ok. I am not ok most days. I recently started a fitness group for women affected by breast cancer. The lady running it is lovely, but she had cancer only 6 months before me and she seems perfect and is mentoring and helping me!! I am the same age, same timing of cancer treatment. I have **bleep**ty white thin hair, my face is getting brown splotches, my body is 15 years older than it should be, they seem surprised when I say I have to work fulltime. I just want to know that there are other people out there 5,6,7, 10 years after their cancer treatment that are still not ok. I feel seen as stupid --> it happened 6 years ago I should be back to my old self. I honestly don't remember who she was
Return to work plan
Hello! I have a lot to unpack, please stay with me. Feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. I was diagnosed with DCIS (grade 2 ER & PR+ ER-) in Dec 2025, had a double mastectomy and DIEP flap reconstruction in Feb 2026 followed by sentinel lymph node dissection. I was away from work for 10 weeks and went back part time for 2 weeks before starting chemotherapy in May. I was fortunate enough to be off work for the duration of my chemo treatment, which has been a blessing, as I struggled a lot with the side effects of my AC chemo treatment. It has been 2 weeks since I finished my last cycle of chemo and I originally planned to go back on the first week of August. Things have not gone according to plan and I feel very fatigued, I can't eat properly yet, have anemia and the thought of going back to work is actually causing me anxiety. I have given work a heads up and they have been supportive but I know they will ask for a return to work plan very soon. I have a consult with my Oncologist this coming Friday to discuss all things post treatment including a return to work plan. My work is demanding, in a high pace environment and I used to perform at the highest level. These days I can't even remember where I left my water bottle plus the fact I still don't have a solid night sleep which is crucial for my wellbeing and performance. To be very honest, I feel disconnected. I have been in some sort of social isolation (my choice to keep away from bugs) due to my treatment and the only people I see or speak on a daily basis is my husband and 2 daughters who have been very supportive but their life didn't stop - they still go to work, uni, see friends. I would like to hear from others when they went back to work and in which capacity - full time or part time? working from home for a start or office days? has your Oncologist guided you on any of these decisions based on your medical/physical conditions? Any advice/experience is very much welcome, thank you x
Access
I am not sure why but many of the posts I access ( I have ticked the 'most recent' box) have a mix of posts ranging from a day or two, to months, to 2 or more years. They are not in any chronological order. I found one today that has several posts from 2 years ago, then finally a three day old question which may be directed to me. Confusing. Logging on has its mysteries too. Today I received six log on 'one time' passwords, that 's happened a few times too. Is it just me?
Financial difficulties
Hi everyone I was diagnosed in August with ILC and have only been able to work a handful of days since my diagnosis. Since I started chemo I've been hospitalised with a blood clot (DVT) in my leg, pneumocystis (PJP) and most recently Clostridium Difficle (C. Diff). I'v had severe fatigue from the chemo and have been an emotional wreck from this entire experience. I've been extremely lucky though that my employer has been so supportive and has placed no pressure on me returning to work and is open to me coming in on any day for however long I can just to keep in touch. They have also generously offered me one months pay ex gratia. My issue is that I have now exhausted all of my sick leave and have only a couple of weeks left of my annual leave but am not in a position mentally or health wise to return to work yet. Foolishly, when I was younger I never opted for income protection on my superannuation so I don't have this to fall back on either. I contacted my Super fund to ask how I could access some funds from my super to allow me a couple of more months before I had to return to work. They advised me that this was dealt with by the ATO with a request for compassionate release of super funds. I went through this process on line and even called the ATO but unfortunately I don't fit into any of their categories to be able to claim compassionate funds. You have to be unable to pay your medical bills (mine are all up to date), have a terminal illness (Stage 3 BC isn't classed as terminal) or be in mortgage foreclosure (which I'm not, but may end up there soon if I don't return to work). The ATO directed me back to my Super fund to ask for financial hardship payment. My Super fund advised that to claim financial hardship, I had to be receiving Centrelink payments for a minimum of 26 weeks. This whole process is so frustrating but is also adding to my stress levels and anxiety. I've worked hard for so many years to make sure I was in a good place with my financial situation but this has just been eroded over the last few months due to BC. I feel like the ATO and Super fund want me to be in complete financial distress before they'll assist but I'm trying to be proactive and avoid getting into that situation. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions? Does anyone know of any other avenues that can be taken to access superannuation?The Whole Person - the 'other' effects of breast cancer
When people hear "breast cancer", they often think of treatment plans and hospital visits. But the impact also shows up in the quieter, more personal corners of life that don’t get talked about as much. It’s the emotional exhaustion of trying to hold everything together. It’s the financial responsibilities of time off work, extra appointments, and unexpected bills. It’s the shift in identity, with pressure to keep up with your job, your family, and your own expectations. It’s the silence around intimacy, menopause, and how your body starts to change unexpectedly. If this resonates with you, you’re not the only one who feels this way—and our Online Network is here to help. Here are some groups you may not yet have discovered, where you can connect to discuss the 'other' effects of cancer: 💬 Work and Breast Cancer – For anyone juggling treatment, recovery, and career. Share tips, vent frustrations, and find support. 💬 Young Women – A place for younger women to talk about fertility, dating, parenting, identity, and everything in between. 💬 Let’s Talk About Vaginas – A real, respectful, and empowering place to talk about sexual health, intimacy, and body changes. In the meantime, please remember that our Helpline team (1800 500 258) are here for you whenever you need support and information.
Calling all teachers
Ok! Here goes and sorry, I tagged it a teachers but any advice welcome! I’m a stage 4 metastatic cancer fighter. I originally had breast cancer in 2016 and was then fine for awhile. My school community knew about that diagnosis as obviously I had leave whilst I had surgery, chemo and radiation and I live locally. Fast forward to late 2018 and I was diagnosed again, this time stage 4 in bones. My hair randomly fell out last year but I managed to get a wig pretty identical to my own hair so no one knew and I could continue to fly under radar. Then covid hit anyway and I taught remotely via zoom in a beanie until nov last year. When I went back to school my hair just looked like I’d cut it short so that’s what I went with. Now randomly my hair is falling out again! I don’t want to get another wig as hair is pretty short anyway and it’s not the look I like if you get what I mean plus due to eczema’s etc I need good quality ones and can’t justify the expense for a crap hairdo if you get my drift!!!!. I’m happy to shave it all off again and wear scarves (once we determine it’s not salvageable which I’m assuming it’s not) but here’s where my question comes in. For those that are teachers, what did you do? Just say to the kids, “I’m having some medicine and it’s made my hair fall out” or just wait and see what they say??? Put a note in newsletter???? I’m not in a classroom but in a specialist role now and teach prep through to grade 4. Any advice welcome, I might just be overthinking it all but once this is out, there’s no going back. Thanks!
I think, I hope I have learnt my lesson. NO is not a mean word
Its been quite some time since posting anything. I do get on and have a quick browse for inspiration. And insight into reminding that I’m not alone and that What’s happening etc someone else has something similar regarding my Life since BC, 4+ long years Back to my TITLE. I was doing alright saying no for a time but back to my old habits, someone asks and I say yes before realising what the impact on me will be. between work and my regular babysitter (grandkids) duties which I love doing. I have over committed myself again and have left myself so tired after the other requests I’ve said yes to, I waste one of my days off in bed after lunch and not able to get up till it’s time to get ready for work. As I’m having my 6 month Oncologist check up next week along with the usual tests before that. I said you are going to have to make other arrangements as I can’t fit it. Organise something else, quickly answered oh I’ll just go stay at ?! Place. Thats when I realised was being used by an 18 year old lazy brat that played on my generosity and sympathy. I’m determined to get my life back. Regular walks Get Back into my hobbies visiting my friends and family again back to healthy eating at regular times. Wish me luck getting it all to happen
I missed you
I have been locked out of the forum and have missed talking to all you lovelies (except when I managed to get on to hubbies computer). I didn't do anything naughty (well not that I got caught), it was just my ipad no longer recognising the BCNA site. I have moved again and am in a dilemna. We seem to have landed on our feet! I can't believe it is real and keep thinking I am going to wake up from this wonderful dream. I couldn't handle being bullied anymore so we moved on. WOW. I feel awesomely wonderful. The new position is not permanent but the relief of getting out is beyond description. I am, however, keeping my onco which @Zoffiel kindly shared with me. He is brilliant, so every six months I will do the three hour trip. If this is a dream, keep me knocked out. I don't want to wake.
What the heck is going on with this BC thing????????
Ok, so I know the figures are 1 in 8 or 1 in 7 depending on which article you read but honestly. When I was diagnosed I knew one of my friends sister had had breast cancer and my family history 3 generations ago. That was it. I would see the bookings come through at work averaging one or two breast surgeries a week and sometimes there would be a few weeks with none at all. Now. WOW! 4 - 6 a week with the majority being 45-55yrs and a definite rise in under 40's. One of my friends mother in law diagnosed last year and now her mother last week. my daughters friends mother, a close work collegue a couple of months ago, a collegues sister a week after that, a collegues daughter around the same time. One of the senior medical consultants. A client drops a horse off to me and has to run or she'll be late for radiation! Bugger me. I get in to work today and ask where so and so is. "Oh, haven't you heard" She's been diagnosed last week and is off for bilat mx and ax clearance. All of these people I know in my little circle diagnosed within the last 12 months. Seriously what the heck is going on?
