Hi everyone,im one week diagnosed with 5cm triple negative stage 2 grade 3 breast cancer. I’m completely freaking out but I’m really struggling to see past anything but dark thoughts.CT scan showed up clear and having bone scan and genetics test this week. I recently had a baby and have a six year old and all I can think about is how much I don’t want to leave them behind. I have such horrible thoughts when I close my eyes at night- I think about death I’ve even seen myself in palliative care and saying my last goodbyes. I can’t even think of one positive thought. My treatment plan is chemo first once a fortnight for eight weeks then once a week for 12 weeks then double mastectomy and potentially radiation. I’m so overwhelmed. Can I beat this? I’m mentally struggling to cope and see the possibility of life. Thanks

Dear@klpThat’s a sane and normal reaction. It’s the one most of us have at the beginning - that it’s all about the end! But for many, it’s the start of a road we didn’t plan (or want!) but it’s still a road about living. There will be a time to think about those fears in a less frantic environment, but for the meantime put your energies into fighting cancer, getting through treatment and seeing the future again. The CT scan is good news, the other tests will help clarify things. Many have found that the uncertainty is the hardest problem, so the more you know the better the focus, for treatment and for your mind. Maybe not right now, but at some time, think about some special support, through either other younger women with families and how they have coped, or with a counsellor. You wouldn’t hesitate to talk to a financial adviser if you had some money issues to deal with, fear and uncertainty can be even harder to deal with emotionally and family and friends are in the grip of it too - all focussed on you, but not always helpful in spite of best intentions. One step at a time - you can walk a very long way one step at a time. Best wishes.

HI @Klp Such a shame you have to be here lovley but you will find so much support, warmth and information from everybody. What you're feeling is utterly and completely normal. There is nothing in the world that can prepare you to be told you have cancer. It's a white hot fear of despair and cloudy fog of doom.My diagnosis was Friday , the M word was on the pathology, I knew it was all through the nodes at the beginning as well. I Dr googled far too much and had my funeral songs planned by Saturday. True story.For some reason our brains like to conjure up the absolute worst case scenario it can possibly think of.But guess what? Surgery, chemo, rads and three years later here I am. There are many many of us way down the road we never thought we would have to travel. Fantastic news that your CT is clear and fingers crossed for you bone scan to be the same. Waiting for those results was the longest 48 hrs of my life. Once you're plan is in place you feel a little more in control. Ask a zillion questions and don't stop until you have all the information you need. It's very easy to get swept along through this thing. You don't feel like it now but you are stronger than you ever thought possible. One step at at a time sweet. You got this. And we've got you. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

@Klp You poor thing, we have all been there, its a very scary place. Hang on and get through this bit and then things will start to feel more normal again. Once you start treatment as everyone has said you feel like you are doing something. Chemo is hard and long but very doable. I am just out the other side and feeling well.My advice (which I try to take myself!) is to put off the worry, wait till you have all the facts and then look to the positives, these days the prognosis for breast cancers is so much better than in the past and there are more great drugs that help you to tolerate the treatment. My other advice is when you can, and harder with small kids, get out and exercise, go for a long walk. Its great for taking the edge off that excess adrenalin floating round your system and making you panic. I hope you feel better soon xx

@Klp Hang in there my lovely. We are all here for you & what you're feeling is completely normal and yes, you CAN beat this. Im so glad you have found us here as all your questions, fears & feelings have all been experienced by any number of us. We will be able to give you personal advice of what we have all been through & no question is a dumb question! Cancer is like another language. So much to learn, acronmyns, words & terms you have never heard of before!!You do have so much to deal with already having a newborn & a 6 y.o. but use them to give you the strength to fight & think positive. Try to get as much help from family & friends in regard to meals, housework & dont be too proud as everyone wants to help.I found a McGrath nurse via the website & she has been great to answer all my dumb questions. They can counsel you & your family also & help you emotionally & medically. I speak to mine over the phone as she lives an hour or so away from me.Get info/brochures from good sources like BCNA, Cancer council & medical waiting rooms. Try not to Dr Google as that can be confusing. Take someone with you to all appointments as a second set of ears or record the appointment & take lots of notes.FACT: Stress fuels cancer so try not to let it take hold of you as it wont help you mentally or physically...easier said than done. Things will constantly change so try to focus on what you DO know & not what MAY happen as the worse may never come. Again, easier said than done. I worried over every possible outcome, mastectomy v lumpectomy, chemo, rad......but I only ended up having a lumpectomy & a very easy 3 weeks of rad. I also was gene tested & that was negative. Its good that they are testing you as that is information you will need for your children. Its also good to have that test early on as the outcome could effect your treatment going forward.Your medical team will guide you. Try to focus on the next step & keep ticking off each box. We will be here to help you. Wishing you love, prayers, strength & lots of hugs. xxxx

Hi @Klp I won't say anything stupid like "don't be afraid". Its a scary place. But I will say Don't give up.You can get through this, and you have a very good chance of getting through this. Be brave, gather your support network and ask them for help. Ask for more than you think you will need, and allow them to do it.

Struggling to cope | BCNA Online Network

jennyss
Member
6 years ago
Dear @Klp,

and best wishes from jennyss in Western NSW
mum2jj
Member
6 years ago
@kip. I am 10 years on from 1st triple neg diagnosis and 8 1/2 from a pesky little recurrance. I also had a positive lymph node. It’s scary, but there are many positive outcomes.
Hang in there and try and take one day at a time.
Hugs.
Paula xxxx
JJ70
Member
6 years ago
@Klp. There is no doubt that this diagnosis throws you into spins of uncertainty and fear. Trepidation is rife and thoughts that you might be leaving this world before you're ready are rife. A mum in my school community, just turned 40 and had a mammogram (because of my story and the Can at 40. Do at 45 campaign) which revealed a triple positive BC. She, like you is going through the scans now, completely frightened of the extent of what may be found. It is a very difficult time. I have no words to console you, except, just take it slow. Breast cancer is a shit sandwich - take one bite at a time. Do anything that brings you joy and comfort at this stage of proceedings. Pull in your support team with your feelings - tell them where you're at. Distraction is good - movie, lunch with a friend, exercise - hard to do these things with new bub I am sure. Congratulations btw on your second child. BIG cuddles!
onemargie
Member
6 years ago
@Klp hi there. The lovely @primek has tagged me in your post. The crew on here are fantastic and got me through some dark days and picked me up when I needed it. I was diagnosed triple neg bc may 2016 Aged 43 left boob stage 2a grade 3. All scans clear and no lymph nodes. I was negative for the gene and no family history. I had 8 rounds of chemo. 4 rounds of AC fortnightly for 8 weeks then 4 rounds of paclitaxol with the same routine.

I had a portacath inserted which I found easier to manage for treatment. I had the left boob off rather than a lumpectomy (my choice) and the other one off as a preventative and no recon I have two kids but they are nearly 21 and 23. So my kids were a lot older than yours which of course will make it a little more challenging for you but you can do this and you will do this because you have the best reason in the world to do this. ..... you’re beautiful family.

It’s ok to be scared. We have all been there. And you will put your big girl pants on for this for sure. It can be shitty but it is doable

make sure you delegate when needed, take help when it’s offered - believe me people don’t offer if they don’t want too and you will soon find out who your true friends are.

dont google anything either take advice from your specialist and people who have been there

It’s like crawling up a mountain covered in shit and sometimes you will land face down in it but rest assured there will be someone on this forum along with your family to pull your face out of it and you will bet to the top. PM me anytime.

Margie
Barks34
Member
6 years ago
You can be too. Don’t give up. Wishing you the very best. Look after yourself and be kind to you xx
Michelle_R
Member
6 years ago
@KIp - like you and Paula and Margie I was also a TNBC Stage 2 Grade 3, back in 2012. It is always good to hear stories from women with the same diagnosis who have been through the same treatment as you and are survivors! We don't have the drugs, but chemo and radiation and surgery are powerful allies, and I have been in remission for nearly 8 years. Take it one day at a time, and keep a file of all your tests, results, treatments and appointments as life gets very busy. Your beautiful children are the best incentive you could have, and the women here are the kindest, most supportive you would find anywhere. Chemo is doable. Just take things as quietly as you can and stay strong. Big hugs. Michelle_R
Temple
Member
6 years ago
@Klp here’s the cutie keeping me distracted and happy when I’m at my worst with fear. Like me, he loves a nap and has been taught well. I wonder if oncology realise the truly awful impact of wait times after diagnosis. I’ve found it an evil Ground Hog Day experience. Along with this pic I’m sending you hugs and affirmation while wishing the best outcomes for you.
Shellshocked201
Member
6 years ago
Hi there Kip, I was diagnosed October 2018 TNBC, what your feeling and your thoughts are normal. I remember when I was first diagnosed feeling, dreaming the exact same thing.
Would recommend to see your GP to write a script for something to help you sleep, I found this so helpful, as you can cope with more if you get a good night sleep. Also I did a lot of meditation which was also helpful.
There are a lot of people on this forum who are 7years plus cancer free that we’re diagnosed with TNBC. This has given me the strength and courage to stay positive and kick this cancer crap to the curb.
You CAN do this, as daunting as it seems at the moment, you CAN beat this shit..........
Anytime you want to talk you can PM me privately.
Be around positive people, have positive thoughts posted everywhere, most of all be kind to yourself, you will have bad and good days, it’s normal it’s a roller coaster of emotions. The important thing is that you pick yourself up from the bad days , dust yourself of and get those positive thoughts happening again.
We are all here for you.

C xx
iserbrown
Member
6 years ago
strongtogether
Member
6 years ago
It is hard. It is a scary place.
I have promised myself to spend time with positive thoughts about the future. So if I'm going to worry for ten minutes, I should really spend some time trying to imagine a good outcome. Why not?
Luck comes into it, sure. We have seen the stats.
But you are not a stat. You're a human being.
You will do the surgery, chemo before and/or after surgery. You will probably do radiation. You live in a rich country with good healthcare, most people who get this disease dont. In Australia most tnbc patients are cured - or as close to cured as anyone can be. The majority of people that have TNBC and do these treatments are cancer free and survive for years.
Most of the women that do what you are going to do live. Most of these cases never recur. That's still the most likely outcome here. There are no guarantees, but you should try to see both sides here.
The stats - damned stats -on TNBC say that you are more likely to have a recurrence than hormone positive or ER positive patients. The stats DO NOT say that you are going to have a recurrence. The stats DO NOT say that your disease will metastasize. The stats say you are at higher risk of it for the first few years. You can start to breathe easier at two years. Then three years. At five years survival you will have whipped the fear into a docile beast. And you won't be on hormones for the next 10 years. We wish there were pills they could give us, but there arent any pills.
You have a fight on your hands. The treatment is tough. You will have parts of your flesh removed and you will have to learn to trust your body again. You will have scars. Nobody has ever asked for this disease, but there is a way forward. The treatment is tough but it will improve your odds of survival..... that's why you go through it. Because with tnbc the chances of recurrence are higher than normal. So you accept a higher load. You take the tough chemo. Remember that you will get through the chemo. Remember also that most people never see stage 4.
The most likely outcome here is that you will be a fully treated TNBC patient survivor, and be recurrence free for the rest of your life.
I am afraid like you are afraid. Just know that you're not afraid alone. Please don't ever give up.