Newly Diagnosed - TNBC - Mantis

Just an update .... tomorrow is my third round of fortnightly chemo. I think I felt the side effects more the second round but it was much easier overall as I knew what to expect.  I had a bone scan and chest / abdo CT and both were clear which was a huge relief.

I had a port put in the day before the second round and while it has been really quite sore it has settled a lot in the past few days and I think it will make things a whole lot easier in the long run.

I was really worried about my kids but it’s amazing how adaptable to a new normal they have been!  Every day I walk and my younger son comes along. We catch up for a chat and usually a few laughs too.  My older son is busy being a teenager 😂 I think my daughter was a bit frightened, because I look different bald, I’ve been too sore from the port for big squishy hugs, etc but we’re getting back to normal again. I make sure to read to her every night and then we chat if she wants to and she asks questions if she needs to.  As @kmakm said ‘noting what it is they require individually and delivering individually’ works a treat.

The worry about recurrence is still always at the back of my mind but I know I’m not alone there. I’m doing everything I can and recovering well between treatments. Trusting the process 😊

What a lovely and thoughtful thing for them to have done @mantis

Thanks so much @TripleNegMama ❤️ Some really great ideas there. Some of the families from my daughter’s school organised a cleaner to come last week and it felt so great to have the house spic and span that we’re going to organise a regular cleaner.

I had 3 weekly chemo and found I ended up with a bit of a routine - would only feel better right at the end of the cycle before we went again but I'd use that time to do the preparations to make life a bit easier for the really bad period.  So made school sandwiches and muffins and freeze so kids just have to grab some fruit and then pull sandwich and muffin from freezer and lunch done.  Also organised a cleaner once a week to make sure things were hygienic.  set up a shopping list with home delivery from Woolies (or coles), so can just click and shop is done - even if I don't have energy to work out what we actually need for the week at least a basic shop will turn up with our normal "basics", insist the driver brings in and puts up on the table so it makes unpacking easier.  get dental check done before chemo starts.  check with breast care nurse if this chemo is one that will effect your nails if sunlight gets to the nail bed and if so pain nails with very dark colour. stock up the pantry and freezer with easy and nutritious options - like 90 second rice, Birds Eye Steam Plus Cous Cous, Birds eye have a steam fresh range with pasta, lemon and parsley fish fillets etc etc. look up freezer dump meals or once a month cooking for ideas for things to do up and have in freezer ahead of time. I found it was easy to just have a weekly meal plan of things that I know my kids love and are easy.  that way the shopping is the same every week, everyone gets into a routine, kids get to know how to help with the meal prep and keeps everyone's routine consistent which was really important for my kids when going through treatment. I love my slow cooker (I also have a disability so am always looking for an easy way to do things), I have changed my shopping to make things easier - a bit more expensive but much healthier and cheaper than doing take away.  So for example I buy baby potatoes, and precut pumpkin and corn.  My go to which we use every week is to put carrots, and baby potatoes,(don't chop or peel either) with precut pumpkin. and chicken drumsticks with some chicken stock in the slow cooker in the morning.  Microwave some greens and/or corn cobs just before you serve and dinner is done.  this is so easy the kids can do it, or you can make it a whole family affair with everyone adding one thing to the slow cooker as you turn it on :smiley:

So Mantis the chocolate is to give you strength tell the little one .... and because people love you they want to you to have strength.....

So cute!

Hi @Mantis,

I have four kids, 18 - 10,  with an even split of gender. Two are my nephew and niece who we're raising after my sister died from BC 17 mos before I was diagnosed. They're quite traumatised, so it was very difficult and needed some delicate handling.

Broadly speaking, first up was lots of reassurance. I found my cancer early (unlike they're mother) and had it whipped out fast, so I hit the stats hard when talking to all the children, and my nephew (12) was particularly comforted by the fact that it was "already gone" the day after my diagnosis.

I hid my distress from them all. I cried a lot in the first month. I mean a lot! So there was camo crying in the shower, a lot at night, out walking and while they were at school. It actually doesn't do your kids any harm to see you cry. In fact I believe it can be a good thing as they see it's OK to show emotion and develop empathy. However given my family's set of circumstances (my womb kids lost another aunt as well (my husband's sister with whom they were very close) to a brain tumour two years earlier) I did not want to be distressed in front of them.

I made an effort to keep conversation as normal as possible, rules & discipline the same, routine etc. This became harder when I began chemotherapy. There were a lot of people dropping food off, coming in to help and it was harder to maintain the normal routines. But you do your best. As @Sister said, you have to not sweat the small stuff. It's not the end of the world if the kids go to school in an unwashed shirt every now and then! Mine became more independent and I've let that continue rather than resume all I was doing for them before.

I disappeared into my own head somewhat and a couple of times realised I hadn't communicated with the kids what was going on with my treatment. They fill in the gaps, often incorrectly, and this was causing them worry. So endeavour to  communicate age appropriately so no one is left wondering. A bit of one on one time so they can open up without fear of sibling mockery is handy too.

My eldest, a son, didn't say much but a few times rose to the occasion and helped out magnificently making me very proud. My 15yo daughter needed some extra cuddles on the couch in front of the tv. The youngest, a girl, needed information so she could understand, and the 12yo needed to know the routine and structure of each day. They're all different so I'd advise noting what it is they require individually and delivering individually. 

I hope that helps! K xox

@mantis However you do things, just don't sweat it.  If the kids don't do things perfectly, look away (unless of course it's just slacking off 'cos that will just get worse).  And if the family has to eat pizza twice in a week or survive on baked beans for a few meals...well...they'll live.  In fact, that's worth thinking about, too.  Make sure you've got plenty of really easy things to reach for such as baked beans, tinned soup, pasta and ready sauce.  Not brilliant nutritionally but could save a lot of angst in a pinch.  Everyone else is sick of it but my go to meal during chemo (when my tummy was unhappy and I couldn't taste much) was chopped cherry tomatoes, garlic and black olives cooked in some olive oil, served on fettucine with a dollop of basil pesto and some grated parmesan.  Easy and quick as.  And if you want to be healthier, you can try the San Remo pulse pasta (but it's pretty pricey as it works out to about 4x ordinary San Remo).