Heartbroken, but unbroken

Thank you Giovanna.
And thanks again to everyone here. The last two months have been hard. I hate that this is happening to anyone, and I hate that this is happening to us. It feels stupid to say it. Of course I hate it, everyone does. 
It has been a frustrating and lonely experience, but I can honestly say that this community has made it easier. Some nights it has made it a lot easier, and I am truly thankful for that.

Love and Roses to you all.

Hi Folks,
 We are gearing up for the third session of Chemo. It is Dense Dose AC - thanks for that link Giovanna. 
 I am reading a book called The Shock Factor about a young womans fight against TNBC, and I understand her chemo regime was called FEC. 
 How does the oncologist determine what regime to put a patient on? This is probably a stupid question - but is one of them better than the other?
 Actually- what is my access tot he Oncologist meant to be like? I don't want to be ringing her with Questions all the time, but I do feel a bit removed from the whole process. I dont want to spend my time googling stuff and trying to understand medical articles that are beyond me. 
We live in Brisbane and I know there must be other partners going through the same thing as me. Are there any partners' support groups around? 

I am sure there will be partners’ support groups around, your day oncology unit may be able to help
if not someone here. The type of chemo will depend on a whole lot of things - cancer type and stage, age, any other relevant physical issues (prior health, allergies, any existing complaints), current trials and research, the oncologist’s own experience of effective or less  effective treatment in a similar case. Even the cancer type and stage can be subtly different. That’s partly why we don’t have the ‘cure’. Yet. One patient with roughly the same kind of diagnosis may respond well to one chemotherapy regimen, another can’t tolerate the side effects. I don’t think anyone is trying to be mysterious, it’s just complicated. I know my own oncologist chose certain chemo therapies for a) the overall cumulative  effect given the two can’t be given together, b) his experience regarding effectiveness for my type and stage of cancer and c) knowing he had one or two options in reserve if the side effects were too difficult. Rather than frequent calls, try making a list of queries and try to cover as many as possible in one visit or call. Your oncologist is the best person to answer these questions. Best wishes. 

Hi @strongtogether,

@Afraser has pretty much covered the explanation.  AC chemo is a very popular treatment and Doxirubicin is one of the most powerful chemo drugs available.  If I remember correctly it is able to kill cancer cells no matter what stage of development they are at.
Rest assured that your onc would have prescribed the best treatment for the type and stage of the cancer. Googling can be confusing and bring up more questions than what you had at the beginning.  I am sure your partner has been explained all the relevant information and passed that to you the best she can.  Personally, I relayed the information to my husband and divulged only what I wanted him to know and nothing he didn't need to.  I figured there was no point the both of us being worried constantly with the names of chemo drugs and possible side effects washing around in our brains.  He gave the support I needed and I dealt with the rest. I found it easier that way, I never took him to chemo or appointments, that way there was only my emotions to deal with, I didn't see the point in worrying him anymore than needed.
  Everbody is different in the way they handle these things.   Maybe ask what she needs from you. She may be perfectly happy (if that's a word you can use in this situation) with the information and treatment she has been advised to have.
All the best with the rest of the roller coaster.

Good points from @kezmusc, I too went to treatments and appointments by myself. Might have been different if I’d felt really unwell but I didn’t. A bit of quiet time was good during treatments. Knowing someone is there to help if you need it is wonderful but the how and when is variable. I remember one time when I was particularly fed up with the whole circus and my partner suddenly took me off to a lecture of great interest and lunch. Put my world back in perspective. Best wishes. 

Thanks for the advice.
I am really struggling trying to understand what is going on. I saw some comments in the tnbcfoundation forums that said that basically it's a mistake to have the mastectomy before chemotherapy for tnbc, because that way the oncologist wouldnt be able to gauge how effective the chemo regimen was and whether to adjust it.....
 I am a big believer in the scientific method, and in trusting the experts etc. I think that googling is not helping me but I can't help looking at it because I don't understand what is happening.  I might go along to the next Med Oncologist appointment and see what I can understand. 

Google sometimes has opinions only of personal experience, not what is correct medically.  
We are all individual and need to put trust in our medical team to get an understanding and get through the process.  
Shared experiences help to get one through but sometimes what is right for one isn't right for someone else
Write your questions down as you think of them ready for the next appointment
Take care

@strongtogether It sounds like it would help you a lot if you go to the appointments when you can and ask the questions you have.  My partner has been to some but not all of my appointments and I have found that he ends up asking questions I didn't even think of!  

If you have access to a breast care nurse @strongtogether, use them as a sounding board. They are there for the whole family. Like some others have said, be wary about Dr Google and prognosis via forums.
The oncology world is quite tightly managed. They take advice from the Clinical Oncology Society of Australia (which, in turn, is informed by local and international studies)  about which chemo treatments are recommended for specific cancers. Specific being the key word. 
Some oncologists can be bloody horrible people when it comes to bedside manner and can be woefully ignorant about the social and family impacts of treatment. I've sacked three because their attitude made my toxic blood boil. I think, though, that it's safe to say they do follow protocols when to comes to treating the disease, particularly on the first offensive. 
Cancer treatment is a moving feast and  it has changed considerably since I was first diagnosed. Sometimes you do have to trust the experts to do expert stuff. Which doesn't mean you can't give them a spanking if they don't properly attend to the non clinical details. Mxx

And also ask if you can record the appointment, to go over it later on.  I've done that with some of mine.  I've only gone back over the one - and it i amazing what you 'miss' whilst sitting in the chair, looking at them!!  Just a recording app on your phone will be good enough

As @Zoffiel says - some Oncs can be a nightmare! My husband's onc was a shocker.  No personality, almost impossible to get information out of - and my initial Onc was similar!  Very brusk & not really interested.  I felt like he considered my condition 'not worthy' of his attention!!

Yep - stay away from Dr Google - it only confuses.

All the best for your next meeting with your better half xx