Hi@Karma03,
You are in no way a failure!! Please don't be so hard on yourself. We all come in different shapes and sizes, and no matter what our body looks like, being diagnosed with cancer is a huge shock to us all.
This forum is full of people from all walks of life who have at least this one thing in common. Here, you will find all of the care, compassion and advice you could hope for. Please try and let your friends help if they can. I understand you don't want to burden them, but real friends will want to be there to support you as you would them.
Try to be extra kind to yourself at the moment.
Wishing you all the very best for your surgery. Make sure to check in here whenever you need someone to listen to, or support you.
Big hugs
Michele xx