Oh goodness! There's a lot of emotional hurdles there for you. Try and focus on treatment as it's about what's the best option for mopping up any stray cells with a good outcome.
As to support, the online forum is a blessing! Business hours ring BCNA support line as they understand where you are at and offer support. Tell them your area as they may have contact details for a support group nearby.
Hard as it is when treatment starts the aim is to come out NED!
Sending a virtual hug
Take care
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