Diagnosed 2 weeks today & need help with mindset please

Hi Tracy

Sorry to hear that you've had to join us, we are all here to help!  I assume you've already got your My Journey Kit from BCNA, if not, @BCNA will be able to help you or ring them - phone number on website.

You need to be kind to yourself as acceptance is a big part of coping.  I was diagnosed through Breastscreen and they put me with a counsellor on the day who gave me a couple of coping techniques, mainly, if you are starting to feel overwhelmed start to pat yourself down, arms and legs and in so doing you are bringing yourself back into now.

The what might happen is a worry however you can't put energy into the what, maybe, need to concentrate on the now!

Use the search area up the top of this discussion page and you will find previous posts and information that maybe of benefit.  There was a post on here from BCNA that might help you with calming yourself

http://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/14988/new-and-improved-smiling-mind-app-and-website

There is a group on here called Young women that you may consider joining and there is the Choosing breast reconstruction group that will help as you find yourself coming to grips with mastectomy and possible options for reconstruction.  As well as a suggested list of what to pack for hospital and so it goes...............

And then there are the good things like Like Good Feel Better program and the Otis foundation for a free holiday!

There is lots here to help you along

Take care

Hi @TripleTea Well, with a GP like that, at least you know where you stand but, sheesh, that must have come as a bit of a smack!
Fear of the future is not ridiculous; it is absolutely normal and, when you think about it, quite sensible. There are many reasons we do not want this disease, right up on top of the list is the fact that it can kill us. The trick, as you are starting to figure out, is putting that fear into perspective. I  try not to pretend it doesn't exist and give myself the licence to feel terrified every once in a while. It's a bit like needing a good fart, better of getting it over and done with than waddling around feeling all jammed up then having to do it anyway. My poor shrink is on the stinky end of all that for me--thats her job and it is good to offload on someone who is trained to take it.

Having kids on hand through all this makes life even tougher, we have a tendency to try to soldier on with the result that everyone starts to think we are bullet proof. That's all well and good until one of your wheels falls off and you need help, only to be met with, 'Oh, you are so strong, I/we thought you were coping so well' 

Now, about taking help when it is offered. Do it. Yes, particularly in the early stages people will give you the shits, say and do really gormless things and invade your space. Ride with it (says Miss Independent) In the end you will find a group of people you can trust who can help you carry the load. Often they are not the ones you think they will be, which is an issue for another time. This is a long haul, Tracey. Good luck. Marg xxx

Hi tracey bigg hugggs sorry you have joined uu
We are very lucky tohave joined an amazing group of warmhearted  people who are willing to provide the knowledge and support that is needed....just read posts on..having trouble just coping...lots of support and info there 
 Xo bright

Hi @TripleTea I hope some of the comments here help you to settle your mind.
I too had a strange mindset at the start of my treatment.
I was diagnosed on 24th December and my GP gave me a referral and nothing else. By the end of the holidays I was in a state!
I didn't really realise until a month or two on that I was not looking to the future at all, I caught myself considering selling equipment I had bought to compete with my horse because I wasn't going to do it.
That was a big wake up call and I adjusted my outlook from then and instead made goals to work towards.
My cancer is Stage 2B  Grade 2 hormone positive, so my treatment will be different from yours.
I was multi focal and multi centric and one of the sentinel nodes was cancerous, so risk of recurrence was high. 
I have gone through 5months of Chemo and a single mastectomy and am now about to start radiation. 
I have every intention of coming through this and getting on with life next year.
My Oncologist said at the beginning that this year will just be a hiccup in your life and my husband and I just focus on that saying.
It gets easier as you go through the treatment to realise that you are still here, and you are enduring the treatment and the effects and you are still recovering and moving forward. 

If you find the thoughts are impacting your life too much and you are getting bogged down in them, the Cancer Centres and Cancer Council have psychologists who are experienced in just what you are going through and can help you get into a mindset you can work with.
The Breast Care nurses too can be an excellent help there, they also deal with the mental side of breast cancer as well as the physical and practical side, so try discussing it with your nurse, I found mine excellent at picking me up and straightening things out when I got into a mess of uncertainty.

Perhaps just set goals not too far into the future at first, like what you will do in the good weeks after chemo, or when you have finished it. 
I found planning for bras after mastectomy and finding where to get them and cleaning out my cupboards, getting rid of things I can no longer wear very therapeutic.
At first I had to keep repeating a mantra that I would get through this, but now I am just comfortable with where I am. It seems to settle down as time goes on, especially as I get more information about what I am dealing with.

Hoping you can find a way to settle your mind soon, it sounds like you are just going through all the usual emotions. 

@TripleTea a big hug and Welcome to you, what a gutwrenching time and it's something we all share with you in this moment! Everything you said was completely justified and so very normal...it's incredibly hard to not lose focus and jet off to the future with all sorts of scenarios because this is just the beginning, its overwhelming on every front! 

In 2015 I had a recurrence, it was also Grade 3 aggressive IDC but ER+, nodes clear, bones clear, gene testing negative. I had 5 months of chemo, no radiation as I had it in 2011. It is a shock to hear it, absolutely, I was alone and burst into a million pieces in the car before I went to pick up my teenage son from school. He took one look at me and knew it wasn't good...he was 11 the first time and 15 the 2nd, he said will you have to have Chemo...the look on his face and I thought OMG he was embarrassed i'll lose my long blonde hair...NOOOOOO how stupid of me underestimating this beautiful son of mine. He teared up and said MUM! I could give a shit about no hair, I just want you here however you look!! Kids are resilient and amazing and absolutely will rise to the challenge with you, believe me. 

1 yr after treatment my Specialists recommended a single mastectomy and I did in Feb with immediate diep flap recon, my pathology of the breast was perfect...bittersweet but its about prevention. Im 2yrs on, really getting my life back now it was a tough road but let me tell you, you will get there...one step at a time, dont focus beyond 1 day as you are moving forward. Breathe...take time to nurture you, surround yourself with good people who are genuine, unfortunately many won't get it and will drop off. This is about you now..nobody else..put you above everyone, most important! 

Hugs Melinda xo

Hi there Tracy...so sorry you've had to join our 'club'. I was diagnosed a year ago, also Grade 3 Stage 3 but hormone positive, so again, my treatment will differ from yours. Still, mine has a better than average chance of returning with a lymph node also joining the party. Went through six months of chemo, followed by the Great Chop, where the mighty weedwhacker took off both boobs. However, you specifically asked about how we cope with mindset, not treatment options. Each of us differs in how we respond to and cope with things in our lives, and so what may work for one, may be anethema to another. My coping mechanism has always been humour, very black humour. The reality that this diagnosis brought to me was, yes, I am going to die. When? Not sure. Tomorrow....probably not. Next week...nah. Next month....nah Next year....hopefully not....and so on. As a younger person (way back in the Dark Ages), I remember sitting on the table in the nurses' home one night with a bunch of other student nurses. A teenager had died on my ward that day. The discussion was would we rather die young or old and then would we rather get hit by a bus...lights on...lights off...or would we rather know in advance? That discussion went back and forth for ages, with all different pros and cons both ways. My beloved brother died at age 37 at the South African National Skydiving Championships...bad landing. He had time to say two words, and I have a very good idea what they were. Was his a better way to go than mine possibly will be?  I don't know. He didn't have the chance to see his four beautiful kids grow up, on the other hand, he hasn't gotten fat and wrinkled either. I have. But now I face this. How? With a great big mid finger salute to the Cosmic Clowns who shuffle the Cards of Life and deal out out our hands. I mourn my non cancerous life, but just get on each day as it comes. Oh, and at my funeral, whenever it might be, I've stipulated that I wand the same song played as was at my brother's...Queens "Another One Bites the Dust". Sending a great big cyber hug to you and your family.

Ally xoxo

Hi Tripletea sorry to hear bout your diagnosis this group is amazing.
Im to like you i have IDC grade 3 also .i caught mine early .ive had a lumpectomy and some lymph nodes removed. I get my results next thursday .its so hard not knowing outcome.
Take care x

Hi @TripleTea - welcome but sorry you had to join us. Everyone handles a cancer diagnosis differently and there's no right or wrong. It's just what works best for you. From my perspective, when I was told my diagnosis I said "Well, that's a shit" and my lovely breast surgeon agreed. From that moment on, I decided to allow only emotions, people, experiences that would HELP me, not hinder me. It wasn't always easy, but has worked for me.

You will navigate your way through this the best way you can......and with the knowledge that nowadays treatments for this disease are so advanced that survival rates are much improved.

As @melclarity has said, take the time to nurture you, one day, one hour, sometimes one minute at a time. And we will all be here along the way. Big hugs. Nikki xxxx

I do sympathise with the onslaught, there is so much to think about, especially at the beginning of this trip. But if you can, do think about talking to a counsellor. The advantage of being able to talk to someone who is NOT your family, a friend or a well intentioned other is huge. The advantage of someone who will talk to you as their client, NOT a patient or a loved one, is equally valuable. It's got nothing to do with not coping. You sound as if you are coping remarkably well. But you are taking on (without your approval!) something complex, time consuming, difficult and tiring. You need some training! And from someone who has experience in assisting others in similar situations. This site is full of fellow travellers with more tips than you can swing a stick at, please use it, but it's not the same as one on one, face to face personal coaching in working out what matters most to you, what you want and how to deal with the rubbish cancer can churn up. 
Deep breaths, you can do this. 

@TripleTea, you are absolutely not alone. In fact, apart from 2 years age difference (I'm 37), and I have 3 kids, I have the same cancer.  IDC 5cm tumour, grade 3, 11 clear nodes, triple neg. I under went a mastectomy 2 weeks ago. Just wanted the whole sucker gone.  I'm having CT and bone scans this week. I met with my oncologist yesterday and 6 months chemo treatment begins 6/7th Sept.  Still not sure if I need radiation. I have no real advice to give you other than to say I've found great comfort in talking to my Breast Care Nurse and reading the books she's recommended.  Big hugs xxxx