Another day feeling low ):

The excellent comments above are exactly what has been so helpful for me.  Validation that its a normal response to chemo, its difficult to not be emotional, and bringing up children when youre well is hard enough.  I found that I am struggling emotionally now, and kinda put myself in a bubble for the first 6 months.  Im off to counselling tomorow, which is part of Radiation preparation.   (its free via the hospital).  I investigating a cleaner, but wasnt eligible, and I did the housework, one job a day, on every 3rd week of chemo.  I think a lot of it is feeling guitly, you dont need to, just sleep!  I still have arvo sleeps or my wheels fall off (smile).  Each person has a different experience with Chemo, but let me tell you, we all have our list of "Gee could have done that better!"  Fresh air, a blue sky and even sitting outside clears my head.  I pushed myself to stroll around the garden (felt like a Nanna hahah), and always remembered the 3 week cycle.  Some ladies really struggled physically, some dont...... we are all different.  The children will cope. and I know you will make up for lost time when you feel well.  This is like going to a different country and not knowing the language, its called "Breast Cancer".   (big hug, cheer up when you can sweety, no first prize competition for acting, and ring and chat to some-one, it clears your head!).  X Bel

Hi Neesk

I felt exactly the same as you when I went through chemo.  My kids were 2 and 4 at the time and I found it just too challenging to handle them while i was sick, but then of course I felt the guilt of not being there for them BUT you know honey it is only for a short time in the big scheme of things,  I went to a councillor and she MADE me get a cleaner and some day care for my youngest.  I was against it (and councilling for that matter) initally but really embraced it.  There are free services for people like us and my councillor was able to organise it all for me.

Give yourself permission to be sad, its a crappy hand you have been dealt, but just know that you will get back to normal after it is all finished and the sun will come out again and this will seem like a bad dream down the track.  I am happy to report my children are now 10 and 8 and life is well and truely back to normal.  I still am a grump but that is only when they dont do as they are told:(

Come here for a chat and a virtual coffee whenever you feel down in the dumps.  You need to get sleep too, can the kids go to a PCYC or something for some afterschool care and have some fun at the same time.  I know it all seems overwhelming to organise anything other than doing what you have to do, but please try and reach out to someone professional for some help, or maybe even ask a friend to cook a meal?  It is a hard ask for us girls to ask for help.

Love and rainbows  xx

Tanya

Hi Neesk

I felt exactly the same as you when I went through chemo.  My kids were 2 and 4 at the time and I found it just too challenging to handle them while i was sick, but then of course I felt the guilt of not being there for them BUT you know honey it is only for a short time in the big scheme of things,  I went to a councillor and she MADE me get a cleaner and some day care for my youngest.  I was against it (and councilling for that matter) initally but really embraced it.  There are free services for people like us and my councillor was able to organise it all for me.

Give yourself permission to be sad, its a crappy hand you have been dealt, but just know that you will get back to normal after it is all finished and the sun will come out again and this will seem like a bad dream down the track.  I am happy to report my children are now 10 and 8 and life is well and truely back to normal.  I still am a grump but that is only when they dont do as they are told:(

Come here for a chat and a virtual coffee whenever you feel down in the dumps.  You need to get sleep too, can the kids go to a PCYC or something for some afterschool care and have some fun at the same time.  I know it all seems overwhelming to organise anything other than doing what you have to do, but please try and reach out to someone professional for some help, or maybe even ask a friend to cook a meal?  It is a hard ask for us girls to ask for help.

Love and rainbows  xx

Tanya

Hey Vanessa

You poor luv, you are doing it tuff at the moment.  You are in the midst of the hard yards with your chemo and obviously you aren't one of the lucky ones sailing through it.  I wasn't a lucky one either.

You sound like you are a very loving mum and that is why you are feeling so concerned because you can't be there 100% for your lil ones right now.  That is okay.  Like Tonya said, can you call on someone other than poor hubby.  Do you have sister, mum etc. that can come and stay for the few days you are unwell or can you go to their place for a few days and have someone look after the lil ones to give you a break.

This whole breast cancer roller coaster ride and the feeling like crap can make you so depressed and maybe your GP can help you with that to help you get through.  I was on a form of anti-depressant prior to my diagnosis to help with pain and as soon as GP knew I had BC she upped the dosage straight away and I believe it definitely helped me get through and kept me out of the major duldrums with everything that was going on.

I am glad you have taken the step towards speaking with a Councillor but your GP and/or chemo onc should be able to help you as well.

Don't beat yourself up and feel you are not being a good mum.  I majorly struggled through my journey and I didn't have to worry about little ones, just me, dog and chooks as hubby was away the majority of the time.

We understand where you are coming from and are here for you.  I hope you can get some assistance.

Lots of love, Mich xoxoxo

Hey Vanessa

You poor luv, you are doing it tuff at the moment.  You are in the midst of the hard yards with your chemo and obviously you aren't one of the lucky ones sailing through it.  I wasn't a lucky one either.

You sound like you are a very loving mum and that is why you are feeling so concerned because you can't be there 100% for your lil ones right now.  That is okay.  Like Tonya said, can you call on someone other than poor hubby.  Do you have sister, mum etc. that can come and stay for the few days you are unwell or can you go to their place for a few days and have someone look after the lil ones to give you a break.

This whole breast cancer roller coaster ride and the feeling like crap can make you so depressed and maybe your GP can help you with that to help you get through.  I was on a form of anti-depressant prior to my diagnosis to help with pain and as soon as GP knew I had BC she upped the dosage straight away and I believe it definitely helped me get through and kept me out of the major duldrums with everything that was going on.

I am glad you have taken the step towards speaking with a Councillor but your GP and/or chemo onc should be able to help you as well.

Don't beat yourself up and feel you are not being a good mum.  I majorly struggled through my journey and I didn't have to worry about little ones, just me, dog and chooks as hubby was away the majority of the time.

We understand where you are coming from and are here for you.  I hope you can get some assistance.

Lots of love, Mich xoxoxo

Thank you Tonya. I thought I'd get at least one good week out of the three weeks, but doesn't seem to be the case. I would love to just curl up in bed and sleep the whole chemo away. but unfortunitly most of my help all work. My mum and sister are going to pull together this next chemo coming so I will be able to stay in bed and not be disturbed by the kids and hubby chasing around after them. I just didn't think it would be this hard and emotional. I hate feeling sad and miserable.

Thank you so much. Ness