Hi Neesk
I felt exactly the same as you when I went through chemo. My kids were 2 and 4 at the time and I found it just too challenging to handle them while i was sick, but then of course I felt the guilt of not being there for them BUT you know honey it is only for a short time in the big scheme of things, I went to a councillor and she MADE me get a cleaner and some day care for my youngest. I was against it (and councilling for that matter) initally but really embraced it. There are free services for people like us and my councillor was able to organise it all for me.
Give yourself permission to be sad, its a crappy hand you have been dealt, but just know that you will get back to normal after it is all finished and the sun will come out again and this will seem like a bad dream down the track. I am happy to report my children are now 10 and 8 and life is well and truely back to normal. I still am a grump but that is only when they dont do as they are told:(
Come here for a chat and a virtual coffee whenever you feel down in the dumps. You need to get sleep too, can the kids go to a PCYC or something for some afterschool care and have some fun at the same time. I know it all seems overwhelming to organise anything other than doing what you have to do, but please try and reach out to someone professional for some help, or maybe even ask a friend to cook a meal? It is a hard ask for us girls to ask for help.
Love and rainbows xx
Tanya