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melclarity's avatar
melclarity
Member
9 years ago

All Clear happy and healthy, BUT pre admission tomorrow for Mastectomy/Recon struggling mentally..

To say its been a tough week, has been an understatement even after a recurrence multiple surgeries and treatments over the past 6yrs. As much as I knew it was coming, I wasnt prepared for the call from Hospital for my pre-admission tomorrow. 19 months on from a lumpectomy, 13 months post chemo, happy, healthy reclaiming my life. The mental torture has been relentless this week, knowing I'm WELL but in light of a recurrence don't gamble Melinda, do a Mastectomy/Diep flap reconstruction. Even knowing deep down its the best thing I could do, I still struggle with the loss, the prevention, the surgery. Its always been my struggle getting to this decision now it is here, I don't feel any different, I'm still struggling with it. I can be honest, I'm scared, petrified of the actual surgery, the recovery, the loss, the end result. Struggling with feeling Im damned if I do, damned if I don't. Maybe I'll feel different once it's done? Ive looked at it every which way possible, and its just so mentally challenging when I know Im so well...the tears havent stopped. I will also be mostly alone through recovery as my kids are going to live with their Dad as its easier for them to get to Uni and my baby in VCE. Whilst its the right thing for me to do...am heartbroken to not have them with me loving and supporting me. My Partner lives an hour away, due to work and life will only be able to manage at different times. Another reminder of traveling this road nearly 7yrs without my Mum, lucky to have my Dad who wants to help but is 77. Inspite of all this, knowing how incredibly lucky am I really!!! how dare I be sad, upset, angry, so why do I struggle, don't know how to resolve this for myself?? I've always been proactive, positive and upbeat...hoping its purely the fear thats getting in the way...
chemotherapy
lumpectomy
mastectomy
radiotherapy
Reconstruction

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  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    9 years ago
    Wonderful it went so well and your man is coming home...yeah.
  • melclarity's avatar
    melclarity
    Member
    9 years ago
    I wanted to shout out to @Zoffiel @Deanne @RNSW @kayvie @LITHGOW1950

    Thank you so much all you beautiful ladies, for the incredible things you all said but mostly for your thoughtfulness, I am so very humbled and grateful for each of you, for taking the time to wish me well and support. I'm really blown away by everyone here, its very comforting! Right back at all of you, I think you are all AWESOME!! Hugs to all, lets kick this to the curb!!! all of us!!! xo
  • melclarity's avatar
    melclarity
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hey everyone! Well what an EXHAUSTING DAY!!!! was at hospital at 8am and finished at 2.30!!!!!! OMG it was full on, I saw a Nurse who did obs and and ECG, then the Anaesthetist, then the Doctor in Plastics, then the Liaison Nurse, then the Head Nurse of Plastics WHO WAS AMAZING!! and then I met my Breast Care Nurse. HOLY HELL!!! then had bloods taken. So they informed me my Surgeon has chosen 27th of Feb as he has to co-ordinate with the Plastic Surgeon. I discussed at length my sensitivity to narcotics and concerns of pain relief, so the Anaesthetist has put something different they can try and Anaesthetic he said they'll do as a drip not tube down the throat. He said interestingly for some reason majority of women with Breast Surgery are nauseas and ill??? I had every single question answered, I literally have nothing left to ask in terms of the beginning to the end of the whole thing. So it is set, and now I can get plans in place and buy a few things I need she showed me some things from Kmart!!! Perfect LOL. 

    Mima! Thank you so much for your support, yes my Dad will come but firstly my Partner has stepped up and told work he's having a little time off YAY!! to come stay and look after me, then my Dad can come and hopefully then after 2 weeks I can muddle alone :) bit by bit!

    Ann-Marie thank you so much for the support, and I love giving to help alleviate someone elses pain if it is ever possible through experience and compassion, because I never had it before this, so I really appreciate it!

    Ccasper Thursday?? Oh wow!!! I'll be keeping you in my thoughts!!!! How are you feeling?? 

    Big hugs to everyone, the love and support is just fantastic, and it helps me enormously, so thank you! Now its my turn to shut up and get on with it!!! LOL xo
  • LITHGOW1950's avatar
    LITHGOW1950
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hi Mel, wanted to wish you well. I agree with all the lovely ladies that you are an amazing thoughtful person always there for everyone else encouraging and so supportive. Sending big hugs your way and hoping your recovery is speedy.  Because you deserve nothing but th BEST. 
    Xoxo
  • kayvie's avatar
    kayvie
    Member
    9 years ago
    Thinking of you Melinda and reflecting back just a bit of the massive support and care that you show everyone here on this site.
    You have been through so much yet manage to survive and keep moving forward with your life. 
    Today it's my turn to send you a BIG HUG xxx
  • RNSW's avatar
    RNSW
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hope your doing well Melinda! Thinking of you xo
  • ccasper's avatar
    ccasper
    Member
    9 years ago
    Good luck Melinda. Looks like we will be recovering in the same week! My surgery is thursday! Hope for the very best for you xx
  • Ann-Marie's avatar
    Ann-Marie
    Member
    9 years ago
    @melclarity sending you all the support and love that you always provide to everyone online. Remember we are all here for you x
  • Mima's avatar
    Mima
    Member
    9 years ago
    Sending you big hugs @melclarity a recurrence is a real fear on this journey. I am only new here but know it is one of the things I fear too. You have a right to be angry and grieve the loss of your breast, no matter how battered it is -it is still your breast!! You have tried so hard to fight this disease but sometimes you need to give yourself a breather to regroup and restore your energy. 
    I know very well the feelings of uncertainty and just as I can't know exactly how you are feeling, perhaps when you have a date for surgery you will have a plan to hold onto.
    You may then be able to say "bring it on" and make plans.
    Use every support you can, it may be very therapeutic for your dad to support you, and even if it does bring up stuff for him, you are still his daughter and sounds like he wants to be there for you. It is very easy to go into protector mode (we are mums after all) but sometimes the greatest gift we can give someone is allowing them to be there for us when we need it. Great that your children's father is able to step up for them too.

    On a practical note -having things at home arranged so you can reach them without having to reach up is good. I moved my microwave down from above my head to kitchen bench and had plates etc down too so they were easily accessible. I got people to put loads of washing on and used drier where possible so no washing had to be put on line above my head. Folding up washing was my arm exercises done- more useful than those in pamphlet and now putting dishes back so I have to reach again.
    Again hugs ans will be thinking of you.