All Clear happy and healthy, BUT pre admission tomorrow for Mastectomy/Recon struggling mentally..
To say its been a tough week, has been an understatement even after a recurrence multiple surgeries and treatments over the past 6yrs. As much as I knew it was coming, I wasnt prepared for the call from Hospital for my pre-admission tomorrow. 19 months on from a lumpectomy, 13 months post chemo, happy, healthy reclaiming my life. The mental torture has been relentless this week, knowing I'm WELL but in light of a recurrence don't gamble Melinda, do a Mastectomy/Diep flap reconstruction. Even knowing deep down its the best thing I could do, I still struggle with the loss, the prevention, the surgery. Its always been my struggle getting to this decision now it is here, I don't feel any different, I'm still struggling with it. I can be honest, I'm scared, petrified of the actual surgery, the recovery, the loss, the end result. Struggling with feeling Im damned if I do, damned if I don't. Maybe I'll feel different once it's done? Ive looked at it every which way possible, and its just so mentally challenging when I know Im so well...the tears havent stopped. I will also be mostly alone through recovery as my kids are going to live with their Dad as its easier for them to get to Uni and my baby in VCE. Whilst its the right thing for me to do...am heartbroken to not have them with me loving and supporting me. My Partner lives an hour away, due to work and life will only be able to manage at different times. Another reminder of traveling this road nearly 7yrs without my Mum, lucky to have my Dad who wants to help but is 77. Inspite of all this, knowing how incredibly lucky am I really!!! how dare I be sad, upset, angry, so why do I struggle, don't know how to resolve this for myself?? I've always been proactive, positive and upbeat...hoping its purely the fear thats getting in the way...
Reconstruction, Lumpectomy v Masectomy
I was wondering if anyone knows if reconstructions are only for people who have masectomies or if there is a time limit from the time of surgery. My scaring & appearance is getting worse & is really doing my head in. They have completely mutilated my body. I'v got a huge lump as well but that was biopsied & they are going to keep an eye on it & the lady doing the ultrasound said that I'v got a huge sarcoma & if they were to drain it there would be nothing left. The bottom & side of my boob had collapsed with holes in it & you cant even see the nipple any more. I was told after the op that the puckering would get better but its not its getting worse. I sit in the shower (cos Im in a wheelchair) & just bawl my eyes out. Iv got bad major depression anyway & this isnt helping, its put me in a downward spiral.
Happy Dance reclaimed my smile
happy dance yes we can do it. Tomorrow is my last day of radio. It will be 10 months of intense treatment. Lumpectomy then mastectomy immediate expander, lympth removal positive lympth nodes, 5.5 months chemo , 6 months physio to move that arm 25 chest wall radios - big burns, expander injections 10 months since I've been to work, my life really changed. Mental nights on steroids, new fear of needles but here to say we are a strong breed ... Still got tests reco etc but here's a photo after radio today I found my smile!!
Medication decisions
I'm soon coming up to my 3 year anniversary of my breast cancer journey. My juggling act to maintain wellness is still a challenge as I weigh up the actions and reactions of the treatments I choose. As we know hindsight is a knowledgeable tool after the fact. So here is my juggling act: I was diagnosed with 100% hormone receptive breast cancer - bingo says my oncologist, very positive prognosis. I had a lumpectomy with auxiliary clearance followed by radiotherapy. Now all I have to do is take Arimadex for 5 years. Easy! Through fear at the time of diagnosis I thought a lumpectomy seemed like a less frightening and less invasive prospect. Now two and a half years along I still have a painful breast and very tender brittle rib post radiotherapy. Hindsight? Should I have chosen mastectomy and no radiotherapy and be free of pain and the long term risks of radiation? Probably. Maybe I could have had a double mastectomy just to be sure and therefore spare the good arm the destruction of sentinel biopsy with a later option of double breast reconstruction or indeed be happy with no breasts. I spoke with a plastic surgeon and he says he'd rather see this option offered more often over lumpectomy/radiotherapy. My breast surgeon says he cannot remove the radiated breast now, as I suffered a severe reaction to radiotherapy and the integrity of the skin could not be guaranteed. He has suggested a reduction of the good breast to match my continual shrinking other breast but I'm not so sure... After two and a half years on Arimadex I now have been fast-tracked into osteoporosis despite trying to meet exercise expectations. The next solution? - easy just take 6 monthly injections of Prolia to build stronger bones. Sounds too good to be true! Ah side affects? Well yes possible skin infections, bladder infections, heart inflammation, jaw necrosis, for gods sake this sounds scary. I already have issues with breast lymphoedema and skin inflammation. My oncologist says she really wants to keep me on Arimadex given I had one lymph node involved as This drug has a slight statistical advantage over Tamoxifen, yet Tamixofen is easier on bones. So am I now on the verge of possibly another hindsight regret? I hope not. Should I stay on Arimadex (the best option to prevent recurrence) or swap to Tamixofen (a tried and well know drug) and therefore avoid yet another brutal drug eroding my health. At the time of my specialist consultations their advice sounds reassuring and easy then when I get home, doubt creeps in. I am not so confident I will be one of the lucky ones and not experience awful side affects of this calcium drug. I want to get my hindsight right this time. So here I am practicing juggling and dropping balls in the hope that It becomes my skilful art.
A lump in the road
Hi I am Amanda. It has been a challenging few years to say the least. I was just finally coming out of the other side of stress related health issues, a break up of a long relationship, closing down my psychology business, a new relationship, being a single mum of 3 and having no money when "what the Hell.." further tests following a routine mammogram revealed breast cancer!! Mentally fighting cancer was not going to be a problem. as a psychologist I have counselled many clients in similar positions. But in my case I have a very weak stomach - the idea of surgery and hair loss so scary. Fortunately the nightmares ended up being worse than reality!! Since then (11th Jan 2014) I have had a single mastecomy and a (DIEP) flap breast reconstruction (left side) on 28th May 2014 (6 weeks ago but it feels like so long ago!!). I previously had a lumpmectomy and 3 lymph nodes removed (including sentinel) on feb 14th (st valentine's day - the 1st one I have missed for ages but lucky my partner took me out the night before - I am a hopeless romantic). Originally the diagnosis was 1 tiny hormone based lump that needed removing and treatment of radiation. But other lumps were found during 1st and 2nd surgeries. My right side was throughly checked before a new diagnosis and treatment plan could be made. After a long wait the right side cleared of cancer although I still had a cyst removed. The funny thing was that after years of not liking my breasts I finally started to be comfortable with my body. Finally after the shock of a masectomy including loss of nipple and a long scar on my tummy (yes I know the roll of fat is gone) it is all good news!!! The cancer has not spread. All 4 lumps were small, low grade and hormone based so NO chemo needed. The cancer came suddenly then gone suddenly!! So So lucky as I feel I wouldn't have coped with losing my hair plus looking for work and dealing with the mounting debts!! But I am reminded to feel blessed every day that I only have to take Tamoxifen for the next 5-10 years. And that my family, kids and friends including boyfriend of only 9 months have been fantastic during this journey. And that so far in reality the surgery that I feared for so long has gone very well and recovery is good so far. Now just needing reassurance and guidance re: getting physically back to 'Normal" and then finding mental strength to look for work (even starting a new career). I am of course so happy that finally health wise things ok but still sad that financially things are very difficult. I am trying to control my stress levels and acknowledge that I've had a big shock .. "a lump in the road'...but that I have got through it better than anticipated and I can therefore do it again with the other difficulties I am facing still..
Reconstruction
I have triple negative and estrogen positive breast cancer. I had a lumpectomy and auxiliary nodes removed and then 2 weeks later a mastectomy. Followed by 16 weeks of Taxol with 4 doses of Carboplatin. 1 month break then 5 weeks of radiation. Now I am considering my options for reconstruction. Tram flap vs implants in the public hospital system. I am seeking advice from those who have undergone either on what your recommendations are.
Mum diagnosed with TNBC
Hi, I found out today that my mum has been diagnosed with about 3cm, Stage 2, TNBC on her left breast. It has spread to her lymph nodes and to her armpit. She is 63y old. The oncologist has suggested 1) mastectomy with chemo if applicable 2) lumpectomy with chemo & radio 3) breast reconstruction. He is going 50/50 with options 1 & 2. I would like some advice on where to from here. Any advice on if option 1 or 2? I am leaning towards mastectomy and am thinking if she should do mastectomy of both breasts eventhough no cancer has been detected on her right breast. Should I get another doctor's opinion? I would like to keep my mum well informed of her options. So any advice or experience would be helpful. Thanks lots!
Reconstruction
Hey all,well the big day is finally arriving for me Thursday, Reconstruction,, Had my lumpectomy, mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiotherapy and on Tamoxifen,, all started Sep 2010. am having a mastectomy and 2 implants , followed by Nipple reco in 6 or so months and then tattooing, YES, im having the works, Im in Tasmania and Maria Popa and Fiona Lee are doing my surgery, have seen their work, looks great. I do have to go from a G-cup to a D-cup, due to the radiotherapy, skin elasticity etc, but thats cool,, have been a G for years, at least I will be able to get a pretty bra anywhere now, not that i will need a bra!! Anyhow, just thought I would b-log in and tell you and keep you posted after and throughout, That would be one thing I would recommend to ANYONE CONSIDERING RECO, dont listen to anyone when they tell you its a 12 mnth maybe 2 yr waiting list, GET PRIVATE immediately. I have just been waiting my 12mnth pre-existing. Tamoxifen? Dont like it, is keeping the weight on, however no other effects apart from the start of menopause, omg, love and light to all you beautiful sisters Mechell xx
Bilateral Latissimus Breast Reconstruction
Hi I had a lumpectomy 18 years ago due to breast cancer which was treated by radiotheraphy. I thought I was home and hosed after so long but in January 2013 I was diagnosed with an invasive grade 3 breast cancer in my other breast. I underwent a double mastectomy and reconstruction just over 4 weeks ago and it was recommended I have a Latissumus dorsi flap using expanders. What I would like to know is how long does it take for the tightness, discomfort and pain in my chest to abate. It has been recommended that I have chemo, not sure why as my lymph nodes were clear but I do have a strong family history of breast cancer so maybe it is just a precaution. I would be interested to hear from anyone who has had this procedure so I can get a clearer picture. Cheers Mikki
My experience nearly done - I hope forever!
After a year and two months I have finally come to the end of almost all of my treatment and now "just" continue on Tamoxifen for the next years! Yesterday I even had my port-a-cath removed. Can't believe that they just gave me a local for the removal. In hindsight I should have asked for an anti-anxiety med. The experience was not pleasant - having to hear the sounds of cutting and feel the tugging... Then sent home with no pain meds! Just as well I have a few pain tablets left over from my mastectomy/reconstruction last year! But anyway, that's it now except for this Tamoxifen tablet everyday. The past year brought biopsies; lumpectomy; 3 rounds of FEC; 10 weekly Taxols; 12 days of radiotherapy; bilateral mastectomy; free TRAM reconstruction; surgery to remove a suspicious ovarian cyst (it was benign); Tamoxifen and many many scans and tests. At the age of 47 all of that has left me with a number of side-effects: loss of my hair, mild neuropathy in my fingers, fatigue, cataracts (from the steroid chemo pre-meds), blocked eye ducts, dry eyes, weight gain, painful "widespread arthritic changes" and intermittent mild nausea from the Tamoxifen. I kept my full-time job through all of it and am now finding my visits to my centre's psychologist desperately necessary. In hindsight I should have taken more time off to look after me... With a triple positive diagnosis the time this is most likely to come back is during the next 2-3 years, but there will always be a chance of it coming back so there is always fear sitting at the back of my mind everytime I feel an ache or get a headache. I started blogging a couple of months ago as a form of therapy I guess (http://jennt28.wordpress.com/) and this weekend I am off to a Cancer Council program called Living Well After Cancer (has anyone else been to one of these?). I have loved being able to read everyone's blogs here. I didn't attend a face-to-face support group because they all seemed to be during the day and I was at work so my support has come from women online here and at breastcancer.org. Through these I have found such good friendships and met a number of women from my groups in person which has been wonderful. Anyway, this has been a ramble... I just wanted you all to know how much I have appreciated having this site available :-) Jenn
