Unwanted but new journey

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  • Bearteggie
    Bearteggie Member Posts: 326
    edited March 2015
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    Thank you Penny for your understanding.  The Breast Care Nurses at Robina are wonderful and supportive.  I hope everything is going well for you with your radiation.

    Best wishes

     

    Joy

  • Bearteggie
    Bearteggie Member Posts: 326
    edited March 2015
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    I have now been home a week and gearing up for my appointment on Tuesday with my Surgeon.  I already have the results of both my bone scan and CT which were both clear.  I was elated when I learned this news and was positive for a few days.

    Yesterday, though  I was at  the lowest I think I have been since this all started.  I feel so angry that our world has been turned up side down and that my BC diagnosis is consuming my every waking moment.  Maybe I am getting worse because of my appointment on Tuesday and not knowing what is coming next. 

    I have been keeping a diary which helps get these feelings out and before I go to sleep each night I write down five things I am grateful for and five things I would like to do that are not BC related for the following day. 

    My husband and son are very supportive and getting on with life and staying positive for me but I am struggling with keeping my chin up. :(

    Joy  

     

  • Janey235
    Janey235 Member Posts: 1,206 ✭
    edited March 2015
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    This is very very normal. The ups and downs of this bugger of a journey. You go through every emotion imaginable. There's the disbelief that this is happening to you, then the terror for your life, the unknown of how your going to cope, the anger of 'why me' and because it turns your life upside down, the helplessness of being out of control, sadness for your family, relief of a good outcome and even gladness of finding that your are not alone. This list goes on and on. And you keep on going on this roller coaster of emotions. I'm nearly at my one year anniversary of my diagnosis date and I can tell you that you do learn to live with the changes BC forceably brings upon you. Your chin will be drawing towards your chest many times but it will lift up again. You WILL find your new normal and forgive yourself for feeling low. We are not superwomen but it's amazing how much strength we do find to carry us through.

    I won't say "chin up" Joy because that's the last thing you want to hear. Let yourself grieve and be angry sometimes. As my mum always says "better out than in". One day at a time.

    Love Janey xxx

  • Bearteggie
    Bearteggie Member Posts: 326
    edited March 2015
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    Thank you Janey,

    Yes, I do feel sad for my family the extra work they have to do because I can't chip in as before.  I am keeping my interests up eg. photography although I can't us my nice new zoom lens I received for my birthday back in August.  I guess it is minute by minute and I need to get over feeling guilty about feeling sorry for myself.  I just know it must be even harder for my husband and son to see me upset.  They are doing so well with it all so far.  Thank you for your words of encouragement and letting me know it is ok to be sad and or angry.

     

    Love  Joy xxx

     

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