Unwanted but new journey

Thank you Janey,

Yes, I do feel sad for my family the extra work they have to do because I can't chip in as before.  I am keeping my interests up eg. photography although I can't us my nice new zoom lens I received for my birthday back in August.  I guess it is minute by minute and I need to get over feeling guilty about feeling sorry for myself.  I just know it must be even harder for my husband and son to see me upset.  They are doing so well with it all so far.  Thank you for your words of encouragement and letting me know it is ok to be sad and or angry.

Love  Joy xxx

This is very very normal. The ups and downs of this bugger of a journey. You go through every emotion imaginable. There's the disbelief that this is happening to you, then the terror for your life, the unknown of how your going to cope, the anger of 'why me' and because it turns your life upside down, the helplessness of being out of control, sadness for your family, relief of a good outcome and even gladness of finding that your are not alone. This list goes on and on. And you keep on going on this roller coaster of emotions. I'm nearly at my one year anniversary of my diagnosis date and I can tell you that you do learn to live with the changes BC forceably brings upon you. Your chin will be drawing towards your chest many times but it will lift up again. You WILL find your new normal and forgive yourself for feeling low. We are not superwomen but it's amazing how much strength we do find to carry us through.

I won't say "chin up" Joy because that's the last thing you want to hear. Let yourself grieve and be angry sometimes. As my mum always says "better out than in". One day at a time.

Love Janey xxx

I have now been home a week and gearing up for my appointment on Tuesday with my Surgeon.  I already have the results of both my bone scan and CT which were both clear.  I was elated when I learned this news and was positive for a few days.

Yesterday, though  I was at  the lowest I think I have been since this all started.  I feel so angry that our world has been turned up side down and that my BC diagnosis is consuming my every waking moment.  Maybe I am getting worse because of my appointment on Tuesday and not knowing what is coming next. 

I have been keeping a diary which helps get these feelings out and before I go to sleep each night I write down five things I am grateful for and five things I would like to do that are not BC related for the following day. 

My husband and son are very supportive and getting on with life and staying positive for me but I am struggling with keeping my chin up. :(

Joy  

Thank you Penny for your understanding.  The Breast Care Nurses at Robina are wonderful and supportive.  I hope everything is going well for you with your radiation.

Best wishes

Joy

Thank you Jeanine for your encouraging words.  I am having an emotional day today.  Just trying to co-ordinate doctor's visits with my husbands availability has gotten to me today.  My husband is very supportive but like everyone else he has to work and rearrange his schedule too.  Communication via text is also not a good idea.  I can't believe how exhausted I feel just by trying to organise something as simple as this.  The good news is I work at the surgery where my doctor is and without knowing my situation our head nurse called me to ask if I would like her to do a home visit and check me out.  What a God send.

I think this is going to be a wonderful site so thank you for making me feel so welcome.

Best wishes

Joy  

Thank you Tonya.  I am so glad I have been steered in the direction of this site.  I live with my husband and son and it is nice to talk to some females.  I feel a bit of a burden on them and am struggling with the stress it is causing to our family life.  I guess we will all adjust to what is going on.

Hugs back to you Tonya.

Joy

Thank you Tonya.  I am so glad I have been steered in the direction of this site.  I live with my husband and son and it is nice to talk to some females.  I feel a bit of a burden on them and am struggling with the stress it is causing to our family life.  I guess we will all adjust to what is going on.

Hugs back to you Tonya.

Joy

So sorry to hear about your bc diagnosis but welcome to this network. I've had every bc treatment there is -except reconstruction.I've been on the bc rollercoaster ride twice - first in 2003(lumpectomy,full node clearance, radiation) then again, in the same breast, in 2010(mastectomy,chemo).I'm on Tamoxifen and am now fine,enjoying life.I was very anxious with my first bc diagnosis- a very normal reaction for all of us here.But you gradually adjust and eventually feel more confident in your health as time passes. Living without a breast does throw out some challenges so ask any questions.You can also vent your fears and frustrations here without judgement.We know what you are going through.Sending hugs,Tonya xx

You are right Hazel, it is already helping knowing that there are other women out their going through the same thing.  Thank you for your post which is very much appreciated.