Nervous and feeling vulnerable.
I must say my emotions in the last two weeks have been really low. I think I've felt quite cut off from the 'protection' of constant visits to my Oncologist every three weeks (not seeing her now for 3 months). I am still going into Peter Mac every three weeks for Herceptin infusions though but I don't feel like I'm being monitored as when I was having chemo. Is this weird?
My husband Ian and I went to see one of the hospital Psychologists last Friday and I was very emotional in that session. I realised then that I felt vulnerable and lost after finishing chemo. I hated chemo but it also gave me ongoing tangible support from my medical team and I now find that's diminished somewhat. Logically I know that I can access support any time but I am not physically seeing this support. Don't know whether this makes any sense.
Ian has been my rock and anchor but he has obviously been affected by my low mood lately and he had a melt down on Sunday and cried and I then broke down as well. I think we both needed to let it all out. There are still a fair few ups and downs we will have to travel before this can be put behind us and this next 'hurdle' is just one more for us to jump I guess. We know that there will be challenges ahead physically and mentally until a new normal is found.
I know you all understand what I am going on about, just needed to share my thoughts.
Love to you all.
Janey xxx
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Hi Janey & Ian, I cannot give you advise as I am still to have my bilateral mastectomy & chemotherapy. So I will send you my thoughts & prayers and a big virtual hug. My operation is on Friday & I to am feeling the anxiety building, "yes I am having both breasts removed". I have joined Bloomhill Cancer Help, and tomorrow I will attend a meditation class & then have a massage. They provide the emotional support & therapies to help the spirit/soul heal and to reduce anxiety. You are assigned a case worker who is also a registered nurse. They will contact you via telephone during periods that you cannot come into the centre. You can also contact them if you have any questions or worries. The whole family can join & have access to the support they provide. All the best for your operation Janey. Take care of you. Adrianne0
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My heart goes out to you and I can only imagine the mixture of feelings that you must be going through.
Hold onto the knowledge that you are going to feel that you have done everything possible to avoid a recurrence of breast cancer and also that you are a strong person.
Remember you have already endured Chemo and the terrible side effects that you had from that - you are doing what is best for you and you are strong enough to get through it.
Focus on that 'new you' and seek help from counseling if you need more support for yourself and your husband. Hang in there, you will get through this, just like you have got through everything else.
Sending my best wishes and lots of hugs your way.
Deanne xxxxoooooo0 -
My heart goes out to you and I can only imagine the mixture of feelings that you must be going through.
Hold onto the knowledge that you are going to feel that you have done everything possible to avoid a recurrence of breast cancer and also that you are a strong person.
Remember you have already endured Chemo and the terrible side effects that you had from that - you are doing what is best for you and you are strong enough to get through it.
Focus on that 'new you' and seek help from counseling if you need more support for yourself and your husband. Hang in there, you will get through this, just like you have got through everything else.
Sending my best wishes and lots of hugs your way.
Deanne xxxxoooooo0 -
All the best for Friday. That is really good that you have found another source of support through Bloomhill. Having a massage and going to a meditation class will help in the lead up to your surgery. I have found meditation very helpful through Chemo.
I actually felt very calm before my mastectomy surgery knowing that when I woke up the 'cancer' would be gone and that there would be virtually no breast tissue for it to 'regrow' in. I had very good care afterwards and was soon recovering at home. I was actually surprised at how quickly I recovered. Hope you find the same.
Take care and I will be thinking of you on Friday.
Deanne xxoo
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Everything you are feeling pre-surgery is par for the course - it is a horrible time, and all you can do is keep busy busy busy so that it goes faster. Will be sending you love and big hugs on September 10th, and know you will be in great hands in St. V's.
It's a strange feeling when the chemo visits stop and life is not full of nurses and checkups and bloods and consultations. However, when you have had your surgery there will be visits from your surgeon and nurses and consultations again. You won't be alone. And we will all be here cheering you on.
You really will come out the other end, and look back on all this. And a good cry never hurt anyone! Sending you strength and hugs,
Michelle xxx
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Everything you are feeling pre-surgery is par for the course - it is a horrible time, and all you can do is keep busy busy busy so that it goes faster. Will be sending you love and big hugs on September 10th, and know you will be in great hands in St. V's.
It's a strange feeling when the chemo visits stop and life is not full of nurses and checkups and bloods and consultations. However, when you have had your surgery there will be visits from your surgeon and nurses and consultations again. You won't be alone. And we will all be here cheering you on.
You really will come out the other end, and look back on all this. And a good cry never hurt anyone! Sending you strength and hugs,
Michelle xxx
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I am crying tears for you now, I feel your emotional pain. We ladies can be quite attached to our breasts.
I found planning something special to have a memory of my breasts for me and my husband was cathartic. I was caught up in my loss that I forgot about really how much a loss it is for my husband too. We still have moments when we are sad for where the road has taken us, but mostly we are together muddling through our new reality. And you will too.
Xxxlouie to you both
Louie0 -
Just off to have lunch with my son and then in to an appointment with my PS this afternoon. Thank you all for your replies. I new you'd understand what I'm going through. Took a sleeping tablet last night and slept five hours straight for the first time in ages. Feeling better this morning.
Love you all
Janey xxx0 -
Hi Adrianne,
My thoughts are with you for Friday. I know we are all strong and we will do fine. Thank you for thinking of me when you are going first. A huge hug from me.
Love
Janey xxx0 -
Have a great lunch with your son and know that we are all thinking of you.
Just think in a few months you will be the veteran and I will be the one finishing chemo and heading for my own bilateral and looking to you for guidance.
Be well - you are definitely not alone.
Kir xx
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Have a great lunch with your son and know that we are all thinking of you.
Just think in a few months you will be the veteran and I will be the one finishing chemo and heading for my own bilateral and looking to you for guidance.
Be well - you are definitely not alone.
Kir xx
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It touches my heart to read all your replies. I'm now crying with love and not with despair. I will keep you all posting in my progress.
Janey xxx
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I think I also have this to come in the months ahead.....still making big decisions about radiotherapy vs mastectomy etc. I sill have 1 cycle of chemo to go (will be 6 altogether). Our poor brains can only comprehend one thing at a time, so I'm finding it hard having to start thinking about surgery again before the chemo is over (have already had 2 surgeries...lumpectomy and then re-excision...margins were good but extensive LCIS). This board is great for being able to chat to people who understand! Best wishes over the next few weeks. I also find meditation and quiet time/ practicisng mindfulness helps. Ngaire
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Thanks for your thoughts. You're right about it being hard to make a decision about another major hurdle when you are still going through chemo. Not being able to think clearly (chemo fog) doesn't make anything easy. Now that chemo is finished for me and the fog is clearing a bit, I know now I've made the right decision. Still it's scary and emotional and I guess there will be more days when we will cry. But that's okay I know we will pull through.
Yes this network IS great for chatting and support. I don't know what I'd do without it.
Good luck with the rest of your chemo and your decisions to come.
Lots of love
Janey xxx0 -
It's good to hear from you and glad that your surgery went well. I am feeling that I'll also prefer the pain from surgery as I know that it can only get better, not the ups and downs of chemo. So I'm viewing this as a definite positive. I'm not nervous right now but no doubt I will be on Monday. Thanks for thinking of me Fleur. Take care of yourself and rest up.
Love Janey xxx0
